AITAH for shutting my sister out of my family’s lives and declining her wedding invitation?
A woman recounts how her sister and niece have disrespected her family over the years, especially her son, Marc, who was harassed and ridiculed by the niece and her friends in a racially and emotionally abusive way. Despite attempts to address the issue, the sister dismissed the incidents and never offered an apology or accountability.
The woman chose to distance her family from her sister’s, causing tension with extended relatives. Recently, her sister invited her to a wedding, which she declined, reiterating her boundaries. Now, she’s being accused of being overly harsh and unforgiving. read the original story below…
‘ AITAH for shutting my sister out of my family’s lives and declining her wedding invitation?’
Five years ago, my niece Nicky and her friends ridiculed and harassed my son Marc. They speculated about his sexuality, called him slurs, and even used the N-word with a hard R—all for their entertainment. When Marc came home, he was crying, shaking, and yelling as he tried to tell me what happened.
It was heartbreaking. I immediately approached my sister to address the issue. I explained Marc’s side of the story and the state he was in, but she dismissed it, claiming her daughter and her friends would “never act that way.” She didn’t even offer to talk to Nicky.
This wasn’t an isolated incident. A few months before, Nicky kicked Marc in the genitals in front of her friends as a “joke.” When I demanded an explanation and an apology, Nicky refused, started crying, and claimed it was “unfair” to hold her accountable—even as Marc was still in pain.
Nicky also has a history of mean-spirited behavior, such as calling my younger son Cory (then 6 years old) “The Annoying Child” instead of his name. Cory has asked me why she does this and shared how much it upsets him.
In the case of Marc, my sister doubled down, claiming that one of Nicky’s friends (the one who used the N-word) couldn’t possibly be r**ist because she’s Mexican. Her exact words were, “I don’t know what you want me to do about this.” That was the final straw for me.
I told her that if she wasn’t willing to address the issue, it was in my family’s best interest to distance ourselves. Three days later, she called me, said she spoke to Nicky, and told me, “We’re good on my end.” No details, no resolution, just that.
When I followed up via email asking what was discussed and what actions would be taken, she never responded. To this day, no apology has been offered—not from my sister, Nicky, or the other kids involved.
I informed my extended family about the situation and my decision to keep my kids away from my sister’s family. While some were supportive, others, including my mother, have tried to undermine this boundary.
One time, my mom secretly took my kids to spend time with my sister’s family without my permission. I only found out because my younger son mentioned it. I was furious and drove an hour to pick them up immediately. Fast forward to today: I’ve received criticism for maintaining this boundary.
My sister is now getting married and invited us to the wedding, but I declined. My mother even asked if she could take my kids to the wedding, and I flatly said no. There has been no effort from my sister to apologize or reconcile.
The only time she reached out after the incident was to add me to a group chat asking if we could take her to a birthday party in Chicago—no mention of the harm she caused. I’m standing firm in my decision to protect my kids, but I’ve been labeled as overly harsh and unforgiving. AITAH?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Kautami − NTA – if you go and something happens, you know your sister won’t do anything to remedy the issue and you’ll need to take matters into your own hands – which is exactly why you should not go.
HauntingReaction6124 − NTA your mother is the worst grandmother around. What kind of grandparent takes a child back to their abuser?
xFaithfvl − NTA. Your sister blatantly refused to address the issue when her kids are her responsibility. Sure, its not her responsibility for how their friends act towards him, but she should have at least spoken to their parents about it. All it shows is how immature she is at handling such things.
Dealing with behaviour in children these days is so much harder, I will admit, but that doesn’t mean its ok to just ignore it entirely. Good for you for sticking up for your children.
Mother_Search3350 − NTAH and your mother’s not a safe adult for your children. She should NEVER be with them alone or allowed to take them anywhere on her own. Block your sister’s number and stop entertaining her BS. Keep her and her little sociopathic daughter away from your family.
pralinen91 − NTA. Your sister is a terrible “parent” and doesn’t take accountability for what her child does or even believe it, she’s blind. Your boundary is 100% correct and you should keep it up and also go LC or NC with your mom since she also downplays this situation = she isn’t safe near your kids.
It might be hard but it is the best choice for your kids and your family.
Apprehensive_War9612 − NTA How can you be forgiving if there’s no apology? We haven’t received an apology from your sister for her in action. Your sister is completely ignorant because a person who Mexican can absolutely be r**ist. Mexican is not a race. It’s a nationality.
And you haven’t received any indication that there’s been a change of behavior or remorse from your niece. You are absolutely wise to keep your family away from your sister and her family. And you should go step further and start blocking anyone who would attempt to undermine you.
Is that enough to pick up your kids when your mother goes behind your back you should be limiting her contact with the children as well. Because I assure you she is in your kids ear when you are not around pleading the case for her idea of family harmony. And she has either made you or them the bad guy in the situation.
JTBlakeinNYC − NTA. Your sister and her child sound like terrible people. Good for you for protecting your son!
amw38961 − Nope.The Hispanic community actually has VERY deep rooted racism and colorism so your sister sounds stupid when she says that her daughter can’t be r**ist b/c she’s Mexican.
That is ignorant. Also, why would your kids want to go to this wedding when their cousin is mean as hell and their aunt just lets it happen?! Why is your mom pushing this? Your kids sound uncomfortable around your sister and her family and she’s just ignoring it.
Grandma_Kaos − If your niece or her friends hurt your oldest child again, please go to the police and file charges. Have your son looked at in the emergency room and file the report afterwards. Maybe your sister will wake up.
celtictriune − You are 100% correct for cutting out your sister and the demonspawn she is raising. No arguments there. You don’t owe her an appearance at her wedding, and honestly, should send her some literature on how not to be a r**ist d**khead as her wedding present.
Or, a giant sack of cow dung. You choose. Your problem isn’t your sister. Your problem is your mother. If I were you, and found out my birth giver had *taken my children without my consent*, which is a form of kidnapping, to a relative I had cut off, especially for why you cut your sister off?
My birth giver would never see my children again. Not supervised, not at all. I’m sorry, man, but you gotta prune that family tree a little bit more. It sounds like sister is so up her own ass you won’t really have to worry about her.
So, you make the call with your mom, but I know beyond doubt what I would do, because I’ve done it. My kid is the single most important person in my life. I will protect her from anyone who would enable harm to be done to her.. NTA
Protecting her children from a toxic environment seems justified, especially when no effort has been made to acknowledge or resolve past harm. Is standing firm the right move, or should she consider reconciliation for the sake of family peace? What do you think? Share your perspective below!