AITAH for showing up my wife’s friend’s husband?

The OP (39M) hosted his wife Claire’s (29F) best friend Tess (29F) and her two children for dinner. OP went “over the top” preparing a delicious meal, played with the children, and ensured the evening was enjoyable for everyone. However, Tess later compared OP’s effort to her husband Jim’s lack of involvement, leading to an argument between them. Jim now blames OP for showing him up, while Claire feels OP might have overdone it and unintentionally caused tension. OP wonders if he’s in the wrong for simply being a good host and father.

‘ AITAH for showing up my wife’s friend’s husband?’

I’m 39 years old and male. My wife Claire and I have two boys, who are four and one. Claire is 29. Claire’s best friend, Tess, is also 29, and she also has two children: a three-year-old girl and a one-year-old boy. Tess is married to a man named Jim.

Last night, Tess’s daughter wanted to come over to play, and we welcomed them. I got home from work a bit early on that day, around four, and since they were busy with the children, I offered to make dinner. I dropped by the store and got ingredients for fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. I’ve been to culinary school, although I ended up in a different career, so I’m confident in my cooking ability.

I kind of went nuts with the cooking, with double fried chicken wings, garlic mashed potatoes, homemade macaroni and cheese, and a Caesar salad. Dinner was on the table at six. The kids (other than the one-year-old boys, who had something slightly different) tore through it. I loaded the dishwasher and then played with all four of the children as Claire and Tess ate. At the store, I had also found some good strawberries, so we had them for dessert. Tess took her children home at about nine.

Apparently, Jim had gone drinking with his colleagues, and when he got home at about one a.m., Tess tore into him about how often he goes out, how he doesn’t cook, how he doesn’t play with his children, and the like. According to my wife, this is a common argument they have. Tess brought up how much I did (and even took some food home to him), and now Jim blames me for… being competent?

Claire seems to think that Jim’s reasoning is solid, as she said I did go “over the top” in a way that I wouldn’t if we didn’t have guests. And yeah, when guests come over, aren’t you supposed to pull out all the stops?
I feel strange for asking this, but is it my fault that my actions led to friction in their marriage?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Electronic_Ladder398 −  NTA, but I’d be a bit concern about your wife’s comment. She might be thinking you’re trying to show off to her best friend. I sense a bit of jealousy, but I could be wrong.

Far-Albatross-2799 −  Why is your wife backing up her friends drunk husband?

b2brob −  Lmao the shortcomings of another grown man are somehow on you? Def NTA.

Jstj4m13 −  Did you do all the dinner and spending time with the kids to show Tess how great you are?. No? Nta. Yes? There are other questions you need to ask.

Old_Web8071 −  Years ago, my next door neighbor left his wife. One day she was out pushing her mower & I offered to cut it with my rider. SHE LIT INTO ME LIKE A BANSHEE!!!! Something about how I shouldn’t have to do it if her sorry husband wasn’t an ass. I kind of did the Homer Simpson backing away into the shrubbery(without the shrubbery) thing & walked away. So he gets bitched at for someone else being a nice guy & I got bitched at because someone else wasn’t a nice guy.. Go figure.

Flaky-Ad-3265 −  NTA, maybe your wife feels guilty that her friend is upset…

RemoteInvestigator68 −  Nta. You didn’t cause friction in their marriage. Like you and your wife said, that friction was already there. It sounds like your wife’s friends husband is an a**oholic and a crappy spouse and parent. Technically all you did was show her that she could have more with someone better.

RJack151 −  NTA. Jim is lazy.

SoberRealtor −  No, Jim’s an ass. Keep being awesome. It sounds like your intention was to have a nice evening with your guests not to make her husband look like the lackluster dude that he is.

edtoal −  When I 61(M) was young and dating my now wife 57(F), I was invited to her house for dinner. She comes from a big family, youngest of 6 siblings. Everyone was there. After dinner I found myself in the kitchen helping with the dishes. One of the other guys pulls me aside and says that guys don’t cook or clean here and that I’m making them look bad. I ignored him and kept washing dishes. Apparently this sparked a revolution because the next time I visited the dudes were all chipping in with the cleanup duties. So your excellence might rub off on Jim. Maybe.