AITAH for serving my (30F) sister-in-law (32F) dinner on a kids plate?

A woman (30F) has been hosting family dinners with fine china, but noticed a pattern: her sister-in-law (32F) kept breaking plates, raising suspicions. After installing a hidden camera, she caught her SIL intentionally smashing one.

At the next dinner, she served her SIL on a kids’ plate with a sippy cup, explaining that if she acted like a child, she would be treated like one. When the SIL became upset and stormed out, her in-laws apologized, but her husband was angry, calling her reaction cruel.

Now, her husband is distant, and the SIL’s boyfriend is asking for an apology, leaving her to question whether she went too far.

‘ AITAH for serving my (30F) sister-in-law (32F) dinner on a kids plate?’

My husband and I have family dinners at our house every month or so with our family. I have some sets of fine china that I like to switch out between the seasons that I’ve inherited from my grandmother. When we have our get togethers I serve dinner on these plates.

My MIL compliments them everytime. My Sister-In-Law, however, has made comments to me that “they’re not her style.” I honestly didn’t think twice her comment about it until this past february when one of my plates was put in the sink, broken. Chalked it up to an accident. In April we had another dinner.

This time SIL was carrying both her and her boyfriends plates to the sink, & accidentally dropped both. Again, no biggie at all. In May she broke two more plates & in June she broke a plate and a cup. At this point I was catching on. I brought up these concerns to my husband and he brushed it off as accidents.

I told my mom and she said she thought my SIL was doing it on purpose & got me a camera to put in my dining room. In July we had dinner, and I had an opportunity arise. My MIL, SIL and her bf joined us for dinner. While our plates were still ON THE TABLE my MIL asked how my plants were doing and I said I’d show her!

I told my husband to follow us outside so he could show her the plant he’s growing, leaving SIL alone with her bf. When we came back inside 5 mins later, her plate was broken. When they left, I pulled up the camera footage. I saw her stand up when we walked out and peek around the corner, and then throw the plate on the ground.

I kept this video to myself. That brings me to this past weekend, we had our family dinner and we were joined by My in-laws, SIL & her bf as well as my parents, siblings & niece. I served everyone, saving evil SIL for last. I brought her food out on a child’s plate with a sippy cup and got those kid’s silverware with the plastic handles.

She looked at me confused and said “I think you mixed my plate up with your niece’s plate” and I said “No, niece’s name is responsible enough to eat on a grown up’s plate. If you’re going to act like a child in my home, I’m going to treat you like a child in my home.”

She tried to play coy but I had my ipad ready and played the video to everyone at the table. She started sobbing, swiped the kids plate off the table and stormed out. My in-Laws both apologized and offered to pay for replacement plates but I told them not to worry about it. Despite this we still had a nice time.

When everyone left my husband told me I was out of line and cruel, but I told him that this has been happening for months & I’ve told him it was bothering me multiple times. It’s Wednesday, he’s still being a little cold to me and I also got a text from my S-I-L’s boyfriend asking me if I would apologize to her because “I really embarrassed her.”

I sent him the video again and he left me on read. My husband just called me to ask if I was taunting her boyfriend because his sister called him crying that I was. So, AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

lady_rain_was_here ( Top 1 ) says

NTA
You’re amazing. You have nothing to apologize for. Your SIL does have lots of things to apologize for though.

magentahorse91 ( Top 2 ) says

NTA. Your husband and your SIL’s boyfriend are assholes though. You inherited those from your grandmother. SIL has something seriously wrong with her mentally. Who breaks someone else’s plates just because they aren’t her style? Who cares about someone else’s plates? It’s a g**ddamn plate and it’s not her house.

She’s behaving like a child, she deserves to be treated like one and called out. What a p**ycho. Does she display any other type of aggressive behaviours to you? She sounds jealous and is throwing a tantrum like a toddler.

Ok_Yesterday_6214 ( Top 3 ) says

NTA and I don’t get why your husband is not with you on this! Those plates had sentiment value, you’ve been noticing it for a long time and talked to him multiple times. He brushed you off! You even have a proof your SIL does it on purpose.

MULTIPLE TIMES, should I say AGAIN. And he still sides with that immature child, who couldn’t ask you for a change of plates if it bothered her so much. You don’t owe her any apologies, but you should have a proper convo with your hubby to get his attitude straight

Background-Plan4274 ( Top 4 ) says

Just curious.. why is your husband still defending her? Her own parents aren’t on her side. You’re supposed to be a team, and your husband is not acting the part. Nta, but your husband is

Shes_Crafty_4301 ( Top 5 ) says

NTA. What kind of s**ciopath breaks SOMEONE ELSE’S dinnerware because they’re not their style. She deserves that embarrassment. Did she ever apologize for breaking so many of your plates?

KyotoDreamsTea ( Top 6 ) says

NTA Excuse me! You dropped your crown. Well played 👏🏻 But I don’t understand is to why you must apologize when your SIL is deliberately damaging your property and doing it behind your back? By your husband? Don’t invite SIL and her BF anymore since she’s uncivilized.

Catlenfell ( Top 7 ) says

Buy her a set of plates for Christmas. Plastic ones.

accio-firewhiskey ( Top 8 ) says

Obviously NTA, and I love your style. However, this is likely not the first incident. Think back OP, what other weird, strange “coincidents” have happened to you or your things when SIL has been around? Any borrowed clothes washed on hot by accident? No photos of you from a family event?

Bet this isn’t a first, and I doubt it will be the last a**usive behavior from SIL… so under no circumstances can SIL ever be unsupervised around pets or children. Also the real A H is hubby.

[deleted] ( Top 9 ) says

NTA, so NTA. Your SIL caused the embarrassing circumstance she found herself in. Has she even bothered to explain why she was breaking your plates? “Not my style” is just not good enough; more like she was jealous of your dishes and what they meant to you.

ClockPatient3558 ( Top 10 ) says

Inquiring minds need to know: WHY would she break your plates?! Because she doesn’t like to eat off something “not her style”?
NTA. Good job following your gut. The way you dealt with the issue was on point.