AITAH For saying that my ex husband was just like his father because he cancelled on our daughter yet again?
When years of emotional neglect and broken promises pile up, even a single phone call can trigger a storm of painful memories. Our OP, a 36‑year‑old woman, recounts how her ex-husband—whom she had loved and trusted for years—once again canceled on their daughter, leaving her emotionally devastated.
Having been together for six years and married for two, the betrayal cut deep when their daughter, now five, was repeatedly let down by a father who rarely showed up. Over time, the pain of abandonment festered, and one heated phone conversation became the tipping point.
That fateful night, after another cancellation, the OP, overwhelmed with grief and anger, lashed out with harsh words. In the heat of the moment, she told him that he was just like his father—a man she had despised for abandoning his own family—implying that his repeated neglect of their daughter was a mirror of his father’s worst traits. Now, as regret and self-doubt creep in, she wonders if her words were justified or if she’s truly the asshole for speaking so bluntly.
‘AITAH For saying that my ex husband was just like his father because he cancelled on our daughter yet again?’
Navigating the choppy waters of parental neglect and emotional abandonment is never easy, particularly when longstanding issues are finally confronted. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist renowned for her work on relationship dynamics, explains, “When a partner’s repeated failures to meet basic emotional responsibilities accumulate over time, it creates a deep wound that can eventually erupt in destructive ways.
The expression of that pain, while harsh, is often a reflection of years of unmet needs.” (kidshealth.org) In this case, the OP’s ex-husband had consistently failed to be there for their daughter, despite promising to show up. Such repeated cancellations naturally led to feelings of abandonment, making the comparison to his own father—a figure associated with neglect and betrayal—a poignant, if painful, reflection of his behavior.
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In situations where a child is repeatedly disappointed by a parent’s inaction, the emotional toll on the entire family is significant. A parent who prioritizes personal convenience over a child’s well-being risks not only the child’s trust but also the stability of the family unit.” Her perspective underscores that the OP’s outburst wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment insult but rather the culmination of years of emotional neglect.
When a partner’s promises are broken time and again, and the pain of abandonment is felt acutely by a child, the need for a raw, honest confrontation is understandable—even if it comes out in a harsh comparison. Dr. Durvasula also emphasizes the importance of accountability in relationships, stating, “Long-term patterns of neglect require that individuals be held responsible for their actions.
It’s not about being vindictive; it’s about acknowledging that repeated failures to fulfill parental duties have consequences.” This view supports the OP’s decision to draw a line in the sand by comparing his ex-husband to his own father—a figure who epitomized everything she detested in the way he treated his family. While some may argue that such a direct comparison might be too emotionally charged, experts assert that when underlying issues remain unresolved,
they inevitably come to the surface in moments of crisis. The OP’s declaration is a manifestation of deep-seated hurt and a desperate plea for her ex-husband to recognize the impact of his neglect on their daughter. Though it may have been harsh, it served as a long-awaited, unfiltered expression of pain that has been building over years of broken promises and missed opportunities.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Many redditors empathize with the OP, stating that if your partner continuously cancels on your child, you’re justified in calling him out for his neglect. “When you’re repeatedly let down by someone who promises to be there, comparing him to someone who abandoned his family isn’t far-fetched,” one commenter remarked, highlighting the emotional toll of abandonment.
Is it ever justified to use such strong language as a wake-up call, or does it risk burning bridges that might otherwise be repaired? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation, with years of neglect coming to a head in a single explosive moment? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes?