AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition” ?
A Redditor recently shared a conflict with his girlfriend, who is upset over his refusal to join her and her mom for lunch on the anniversary of his younger brother’s death.
The user explained that he follows a personal tradition on this day, involving visiting his brother’s grave, donating blood, and watching his brother’s favorite movie.
Despite his explanation, his girlfriend insisted he skip his tradition to join them, calling him selfish and embarrassing. Now, the user wonders if he was wrong for sticking to his personal ritual.
‘ AITAH for saying no my girlfriend’s “tradition” ?’
I (M, 30) lost my younger brother when I was 22. He had cancer and fought very hard. Ever since, I’ve been donating blood on the anniversary of his d**th every year. I take the day off from work, visit his grave, donate blood, and then come home, relax, and watch his favorite movie.
I know it’s a simple, personal tradition, but it means a lot to me. My girlfriend of 9 months, Anna (F, 31), asked if I could meet her and her mom( I have met her many times before and it wasn’t the meet the parents for the first time situation) for lunch yesterday.
I told her no and explained again about what I do on my brother’s d**th anniversary. She got upset and said, “Well, it’s my tradition to have lunch with my mom every time she’s in town, and she really wanted to see you!
You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.” I explained to her that it’s not just about the blood donation. Later in the evening, while I was resting and watching my brother’s favorite movie, she texted me again, asking me to join them.
I reiterated that I really didn’t want to and would hang out with her mom next time. She replied that I had embarrassed her in front of her mom with my selfishness and laziness. Since then, she’s been distant. Do I owe her an apology? AITAH?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
SadFlatworm1436 − “Stupid blood donation tradition” after that comment I hope she’s soon your ex gf. That is unbelievably upsetting. You haven’t asked her to join you, just to leave you in peace to honour your brother. NTA and I’m sorry for your loss.
theworldisonfire8377 − So her random lunch with her mother was more important than the anniversary of your brothers d**th? 100% NTA, your gf seems to lack basic compassion and empathy. Good luck with that, she seems lovely…. /s
TopAd7154 − NTA. She’s insensitive and you’d be a fool to stay with her.
EconomicsWorking6508 − She owes you an apology for being disrespectful of your loss and how you honor your brother. NTA.
RevolutionaryDiet686 − NTA She doesn’t respect your tradition which is 1 day a year. Her mom will probably come to town more than 1 time in the year. Your girlfriend is s**fish and entitled.
AllandarosSunsong − You owe her a trip to the door and a boot out it! How dare she belittle your tradition! The fact that her needs and wants are automatically considered to have more priority just because she wants it should tell you everything you need to know.
You should be commended for staying calm and rational through her petulant pouting. If someone had said: You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day. in regards to a life saving process you do in honor of a lost loved one? Yeah, the terms “f**k off” and “b**ch” would have been in the response.. NTA
Maleficent_Pay_4154 − I think you would need to think very carefully about this GF. Losing someone you live is very hard and she is very careless with your feelings. Sorry for you loss. I lost my brother when he was 12 and I was 15. Still miss him
OverSqueezedPouch − Your tradition outweighs getting dinner with a visiting relative/in-law. I’m sorry for your loss, I hope you had a good day of remembering him. If I could, what’s his fave movie?
nemainev − “You can do your stupid blood donation tradition any day.” That’s code for “I think we should see other people”. NTA. She’s a dismissive cunt
WomanInQuestion − NTA – she outright called your tradition of honoring your brother stupid. Do you really want to stay with this person?
Do you think the user was in the wrong for prioritizing his personal tradition on a difficult day, or should he have compromised to avoid conflict? How would you handle a partner not respecting a tradition tied to a significant loss? Share your thoughts in the comments below!