AITAH For Ruining Thanksgiving After My MIL Told Everyone About My Miscarriages?

A Redditor, 32, shared a painful story about how her Thanksgiving turned into a nightmare when her mother-in-law broke their agreement to keep her pregnancy private. After a miscarriage, the Redditor went to Thanksgiving dinner hoping to avoid talking about it.

But her MIL broadcasted her personal medical history to the family, causing her emotional breakdown. The Redditor’s MIL later blamed her for not sharing the news earlier and for upsetting everyone, leading to a tense family situation. Read the full story below to see if the Redditor was wrong for not apologizing.

‘ AITAH For Ruining Thanksgiving After My MIL Told Everyone About My Miscarriages? ‘

32F. I spent Thanksgiving with my in-laws and it was one of the most upsetting days of my life. My husband and I have been trying for a baby for around three years. Last year, I got pregnant and miscarried twice. It was devastating and my greatest fear is that I’ll never be able to have a child with my husband.

In October, I found out I was pregnant for the third time. We were thrilled, but also cautious because of my history with miscarriages. Originally, the plan was to keep it between us until I made it to the second trimester. Unfortunately, I have a well-intention yet nosy mother-in-law.

We were at dinner one night with my in-laws, and my MIL noticed I wasn’t drinking. My MIL asked if I was pregnant, and I’m horrible at hiding my emotions, so my reaction to her question gave it away. I admitted that I was pregnant, but explained that we’re very cautious and want to keep it private until I make it to the second trimester.

My FIL and MIL said they understood and agreed to keep it between us. Sadly, I miscarried around a week ago and I was crushed. It’s been terrible, but I’m trying to stay busy to keep my mind off it. Initially, I wanted to skip Thanksgiving, but I wanted my husband to see his family and I thought it might lift my spirits to be surrounded by loved ones.

I wanted to tell my MIL about the miscarriage in person since it felt strange talking to her about it over the phone, but she wasn’t free to see me this week. My plan was to talk to her the day after Thanksgiving when we could have a moment alone.

Almost immediately after we arrived at my in-law’s house, my MIL’s sister hugged me and congratulated me on the pregnancy. I was shocked, since my MIL agreed not to tell anyone. I considered saying thank you to not draw attention to myself and put a damper on the night, but I couldn’t hide my emotions, and told her I miscarried.

She hugged me and apologized for my loss. A few minutes later, my SIL came over to us and congratulated me. I started tearing up as I explained for the second time that I miscarried. They were both kind, but I was very emotional and frustrated, since my in-laws agreed to keep it private, and this was the exact situation I was seeking to avoid.

A few minutes after I spoke to my SIL, my MIL pulled me to the side and asked why I didn’t tell her about the miscarriage. She said it hurt having to hear the news from her older sister instead of from me directly. I said that I wanted to tell her in person, and was planning on telling her in the morning when we had a moment to ourselves.

I said I wasn’t expecting to be confronted about the pregnancy since she agreed to keep it private. My MIL said she only told her sister and daughter, which was to be expected in the situation since she was so excited.

I was furious, but didn’t have the energy to argue about it, so I said we should talk about it later and enjoy the holiday. I left my MIL and went to socialize with the other relatives. When it was time to eat, my MIL stood up to give the blessing. She started to talk, but then got emotional and began to cry.

She asked the family to keep me in their thoughts and prayers since I recently miscarried. She added that I’ve miscarried twice before and it’s been an emotional experience for everyone. I’d only told my MIL and FIL about the previous miscarriages, so she was once again broadcasting my personal medical information.

My MIL started talking directly to me and said she knows I’ll get through this and that I’ll make an amazing mom some day. I couldn’t control my emotions and started sobbing in front of the entire family. I was crying so hard that I was practically choking on my tears and I couldn’t catch my breath.

My husband was furious and asked his mom why she thought it was appropriate to tell people about my pregnancy and miscarriages. My MIL responding by saying she loves us so much and was just very excited to be a grandma. With respect to the miscarries, she said we deserve the family love and support during this difficult time.

My husband announced we were leaving and we left before the turkey was even served. I cried myself to sleep and woke up feeling horrible. This morning, my MIL showed up at my house unannounced. She said she wanted to talk to us about what happened.

My husband was still fuming, and I told him to let me speak to his mom privately to avoid another fight. I was still upset about what happened, but I wanted to make peace and was willing to accept her apology since the situation has been hard on everyone.

My MIL and I sat down together, and instead of apologizing, she lectured me about how I should have told her about the miscarriage before sharing the news with other relatives. She said it was hard to hear the news from her sister when she was looking forward to a happy Thanksgiving.

She was also upset that I dropped this horrible news at dinner and that I should have found a way to tell her before the holiday, even if it was over the phone. She also said that if I was still so emotional over the miscarriage, I shouldn’t have come to Thanksgiving and risked upsetting all the guests.

She said she knows I’m going through a lot and forgives me, but she wanted to be honest about her feelings. I was floored. I told my MIL that I may have made some mistakes, but all of this could have been avoided if she had followed through on her promise to keep the pregnancy private.

I said she owed both my husband and myself an apology. My MIL asked if I would also apologize for making a scene at Thanksgiving. I didn’t think I owed her an apology under the circumstances, and I expressed that clearly. She left in tears and said I was lashing out because of the traumatic pregnancies.

My husband said I shouldn’t apologize and also cancelled our Christmas plans with his family. While I think my MIL behaved poorly, part of me wants to apologize to defuse the situation. I also know that this has been challenging for my MIL as well and we don’t always react perfectly in these situations.

I also feel badly that I let my emotions get the better of me and put a damper on the evening. AITAH for how I handled the situation and for refusing to apologize when my MIL visited our home?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Apprehensive_Two_89 −  Holy s**t. Nta. Take the time you need to heal.

manik_502 −  -NTA. – She broke your trust. – She shared your medical situation with other without your consent. – She announced the miscarriage in the **middle** of a holiday, without your permission. – She blamed you for **her** mistakes. – She blamed you for your **very valid** reaction.

– She made herself a victim, when she fucked up over and over.. – She gaslighted you. You deserve better. This isn’t about your pregnancy, this isn’t about your hormones, this isn’t your fault.

The only person that is responsable for your MIL actions, it’s your MIL. She chose her actions. And she chose to keep blaming you. She chose to disclose your privacy in front of everyone. She chose and keeps choosing to disrespect you.

upset_pachyderm −  NTA, but MIL sucks. You handled it fine. Now listen to your husband (he knows her better than you do).

that_jedi_girl −  NTA. Of course you’re NTA. Your MIL broke your trust. She made a SPEECH about your private health information at dinner and then got mad at you for a perfectly reasonable and expected reaction.

Your MIL thinks your health is about her personal grandmother journey. It is not. It is about you, your husband, and any children you may conceive. She needs to realize she is not the main character here.

agathafletcher −  Step back and let your husband handle his mother. He is doing a good job with it.

WifeofBath1984 −  NTA I can tell from this post that you’re a people pleaser. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t make a scene. Your MIL did when she aired out all of your private information to her entire family. You didn’t ruin dinner bc you cried.

This one is 100% on her and I think you need to create some distance with your MIL. Do not apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. She absolutely betrayed your trust and she needs to suffer some consequences for it or this will never change.

Desperate_Tip4425 −  NTA don’t apologise because you have nothing to apologise for. She shared your medical information in front of the whole family when you had said this to her in private and believed it would be kept that way.

That on top of her already sharing about your pregnancy when she agreed not to. I’m glad your husband is on your side and I’m sorry you’re going through this in the holidays.. Your MIL seems like an AH.

Wonderfulsurprise90 −  NTAH Don’t you dare apologize! You asked her to keep her mouth shut about it and she knew the reason why. You being emotional would never have shown on Thanksgiving had she done the one thing you asked her to do.

Great I’m glad she was excited , so were you, but she also should have been just as cautious as you because of the same reason as you. I’ve been where you are and I was exactly like you. It’s not too much to ask for. I’m sending you prayers because I know nothing I say will make this feel any easier or better for you. My heart is with you both.

VegetableBusiness897 −  Whelp. Guess who just got themselves put on a strict informational diet! No more info going to any of your inlaws, since they cant respect boundaries and have difficulty in understanding that personal, private medical is well, personal and private especially when asked to keep it private.

Good news is you won’t have to worry about this convo ever again. Tell your husband to check his mum. And that if she doesn’t come to to, hat in hand, contrite and apologetic…. She won’t be involved in your or your childrens lives(however that may happen). Peace to you

Suitable-Park184 −  NTA. She’s not well intentioned. Not even a little. I would avoid her as much as possible. And any news in the future she should be the very last person you tell.. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in refusing to apologize for her reaction, given the emotional weight of the situation? Or do you think her behavior at Thanksgiving was inappropriate? How would you have handled the situation with a family member breaking your trust like this? Share your thoughts below!