AITAH for removing my best friend from my wedding after he’s hijacked our wedding planning?

A groom is grappling with a tough decision: his childhood best friend’s behavior is disrupting his wedding plans. The friend’s graduation coincides with the wedding date, leading to demands to reschedule, conflicts with groomsmen, and a general sense of entitlement. Now the groom wonders if removing his friend from the wedding is justified or if he’s overreacting.

‘ AITAH for removing my best friend from my wedding after he’s hijacked our wedding planning?’

My (25M) future wife (26F) and I are kind of at a loss here. My childhood best friend (25M) has us landlocked for our wedding planning. We had a long engagement, and have had our wedding date picked for over a year. My GF and I will now be tying the knot in the next 6 months. Problem is, best friend’s uni schedule is out, and our wedding is the same day as graduation from his masters.

These are both big life events, and I see this as a schedule conflict at most. In my eyes, we have a massive day of celebration, and could celebrate and go out for drinks another day. Apparently that is not the case. My best friend told me about the conflict, and asked me to change my date. Then he insisted that I told him it was a Sunday wedding (which I mentioned my GF wanted way back when).

Then he blamed me for never telling him that I “changed my mind”, despite my announcement in multiple groups and even in passing conversations one-on-one. He also came with me the day that I signed the venue contract, showing it was bought and paid for, for our Saturday wedding.

He showed up to my apartment two weeks ago when I reaffirmed I would not be changing my date for the wedding. He was beyond upset, and was insisting it would ruin our friendship if he didn’t come to the wedding. Despite my insistence that this was just not true, he wouldn’t listen.

My roommate (24M) told him he was being ridiculous, and my best friend turned on him and started yelling at him. My friend ended up leaving in tears, and has since not apologized. I told him when he figured out his graduation time, we can tweak our ceremony time.

He’s now got this “what about me” mentality in about everything we do when planning. The caterers we can afford only cater dinner: “what if my ceremony is later?”. When I told my groomsmen that we’re gonna set a date to go get measured for tux rentals, he was the only one who couldn’t go, and got mad when I took my other guys anyway.

He also left all my groomsmen hanging when they were planning an incredibly kind surprise get together for me and my fiancée. He intentionally made plans on top of their prep time, so all he did is show up and take credit. My groomsmen weren’t happy, and I’ve found out more recently that they’re not too fond of him at all.

My mom doesn’t want me to invite him anymore. My dad told me he shouldn’t influence our wedding that much, and even though my fiancée has told me she doesn’t care, I do. I guess I should also mention, I’ve got two “best men”, because my fiancée has two sisters and wanted them each for her maids of honor, so I still have a best man already.

In my opinion, my fiancée’s parents are putting a lot of time and money into this wedding, and unless he wants to fork out a couple grand, he’s got no place in our wedding planning. I’ve never seen him act so selfishly. He’s changed since uni. Anyway, I’m rambling and am just overall upset, I’ve already shed some tears over all this. AITA if I kick him out of the wedding?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Flavor_Goddess −  NTA! Man, your wedding is turning into an episode of My Big Fat Obnoxious Best Friend. If your groomsmen don’t like him, your fiancée doesn’t care, and your mom’s basically ready to un-invite him herself, maybe it’s time to let him focus on graduating and not your wedding. At the end of the day, this is about you and your fiancée, not him. Start your marriage off with people who actually want to celebrate with you, not stress you out.

shammy_dammy −  Don’t invite him. He’s being ridiculous.

LeaJadis −  Did you know that you can work out a makeup graduation with most schools. You attend a different ceremony but you still graduate. Time for you to insist he reschedule his graduation.

Alternative-Gur-6208 −  Nta. Sorry but sometimes friends don’t grow together they have to grow apart. He isn’t paying he isn’t the center of attention, you’re not marrying him so his opinion doesn’t matter.  My advice is take him out for a beer say hey we’ve been friends for x number of years. I care about you, but this is my day.

I understand that it falls on your day. I’m sorry we changed things but this is what we’ve decided is our dream wedding and you’re making it harder than it needs to be. So I think you shouldn’t come and should focus on your important graduation.  If he can’t be happy for you then it’s not a life long friendship. But if he is maybe plan a bros day after the wedding and honeymoon. To catch up and see how everyone’s been. 

FlanSwimming8607 −  Give him an out. He doesn’t have to be in wedding party. Just a guest. He can show up for the reception. Do what you think is best. He shouldn’t be an added stress to your big day.

JJOkayOkay −  This might sound weird, but might your friend be in love with you? The date of his master’s ceremony could just be a fluke, but everything else makes it seem like he’s mad that you’re not centring him (which is so weird — of course you’re going to centre yourself and your fiancee when it comes to your wedding). That could just be n**cissism, or it could be a secret crush, or it might even just be insecurity over the fact that he’s not as important in your life as he once was.

But to answer your question, yes, it’d be fair to uninvite him at this point, although you may not want to go that far. It would solve a lot of issues, though, wouldn’t it? Because he’s making problems, rather than solving problems, and you really could use a better wingman to help you through the logistics of putting on a wedding.

Perimentalpause −  The only two people whose opinions matter on that day are you and your future partner’s. He’s making this very uncomfortable for everyone, and I think he’s lashing out because you’re making a really big bookmark move in growing up and moving forward, and it’s a huge step in a direction away from ‘us bros’.

He doesn’t have to be cool with it, but he does need to slow his roll when it comes to making your day convenient for him. If it’s not, then he can just not go. He’s pushing a lot of anxiety and weight onto your shoulders and doing nothing to relieve it on a day you and your partner are already going to be stressed. That’s b**lshit.. NTA.

wlfwrtr −  NTA Sounds like he’s upset that no one will be making a fuss over his graduation so he’s trying to make your wedding about him. If he’s allowed to make a speech at your wedding it will probably either be a put down of you and your bride or talking about him and his graduation, maybe even a mixture of both. But it will probably be something you’ll regret allowing. Ask yourself, ‘Would we even be friends if I met him today?’. When you answer that truthfully to yourself you’ll know how to proceed.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. I can see him being stressed about the date because he can’t control the date of his graduation & now there is a conflict. But his reaction & everything else he is doing is so extreme it seems to indicate a separate issue. I think your friend doesn’t like all the changes happening in his life. His graduating is a big change. His best friend getting married is a big change and I think he’s reacting the way a toddler would when their lives are disrupted.

At this point, he should know both the date and time of his graduation ceremony. And then should be able to tweak his appearance around the graduation and your wedding if he wants to make it. If you’re going to have a dinner and you’re willing to have the wedding ceremony a bit later in the day so that he can attend then he should have no complaints. If he misses the ceremony, but makes it to the reception dinner then he should have no complaints. And you should be understanding that he has another commitment.

Any-Split3724 −  It’s not his wedding it’s yours. He needs too b**t out at this point.