AITAH for rejecting a dress my sister in law got for my 6 year old son for his birthday because he has two female best friends?

A Redditor recounts a tense family situation involving their sister-in-law, Jane, who is passionate about LGBTQIA+ issues. After insisting on giving their 6-year-old son a pink dress and costume jewelry for his birthday—based on her belief that having female friends may indicate his gender identity—the Redditor firmly rejected the gift. The encounter led to anger and complaints from Jane, sparking a debate about gender expression and boundaries. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for rejecting a dress my sister in law got for my 6 year old son for his birthday because he has two female best friends?’

A bit of background about my sister in law, call her Jane. Jane is really really into the whole LGBTQIA+ movement, in the past 4 years she has said she is pansexual but has only dated normal looking guys. But, she really prides herself in being an ally.

Now situation with my son, Jane has said that since my son has female best friends it could mean that he might be trans or at the very least non-binary. I am like Jane, when he is older I don’t mind having that conversation with him but he is 6 I am not going to confuse him. Jane however doesn’t drop it just constantly brings it up with my wife as well.

Also I should add Jane is 45, and has no kids of her own so she just has a lot of free time. Recently we had a birthday party for our son. Now we don’t like the whole opening gifts in front of everyone aspect, I think its rude cause it can make people feel bad if they didn’t spend enough money etc.

Well Jane starts insisting that our son open up his present now, that he is going to love it and might even want to change into it for the party. We are like thanks Jane, but no. I finally check it (gift was just in a bag not wrapped) and see that its a pink dress and costume jewelry.

I tell Jane, hey thanks for the gift but no. We don’t want it. She is like let your son see it first he might really want this. I am like no. Either you take it back yourself or we are just gonna return this ourselves. She starts to get very angry and saying please just let him try this stuff on. I tell her no. And again she complains to my wife, my wife tells her the same thing I told you guys.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

daphreak1 −  NTA. Forcing her apparent desires on your kid against your wishes is inappropriate. She knew better but chose to ignore it for her own s**fish purposes.

Mysterious_Mind2618 −  NTA. Jane isn’t the enlightened woke queen she thinks she is if she believes cis boys can’t have girl friends

Hangingwithoscar −  WTF? She is projecting on your son. She thinks it would be cool and hip to have a trans nephew. This is all about HER and not your son. She obviously doesn’t know anything about kids, or the fact that boys can have girls as friends without wanting to be a girl. She is out of line and truly ignorant.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. So your son has female friends, that doesn’t make him anything other than a nice boy with good friends.. What the f**k man.

[Reddit User] −  Weird s**t. My best friend in school was/is a girl and it never even occurred to me to want to wear girls clothes. No problem with trans people at all, you do you, but projecting onto a 6 year old is just plain absurd.

Far_Administration41 −  If your child hasn’t said anything about wanting a dress, or that he wishes he was a girl, then NTA. He’s just a boy that likes hanging out with girls at this stage of his life. If nothing else, he will hopefully grow up respecting women and treating them as equals.

Until he expresses something to indicate how he feels about himself, all your SIL is doing is trying to impose her views onto him instead of waiting for him to get wherever he’s going on his own. Trying to force him to be something he may not actually be is not good ally behaviour.

You may wish to remind her of that. Just be open to anything he tries to tell you about himself down the track, make it clear that you will love him no matter who he becomes, and you can’t go too far wrong.

NotSlothbeard −  NTA. When my daughter was that age, her BFFs were boys, her favorite color was blue, and she wasn’t interested in dolls.. She wasn’t trying to be a boy.

SnooWords4839 −  NTA – Do not let her alone with your child. 6-year-olds don’t know their sexual attraction yet. At his age, he plays with girls, doesn’t mean anything. Trying to push her agenda onto your child is a big issue. She is out of line.

Tiny_Plan_7382 −  NTA. Jane is super… SUPER weird for pushing this on a 6 year old child, and that’s coming from someone who considers themselves an ally. If he had shown some curiosity, maybe.. but to just throw it at him because he has girl bffs? I’d cut her off if she can’t respect your boundary.

HelenaBirkinBag −  I call fictitious rage bait.

Do you think the user was justified in rejecting the dress for their son, or was Jane’s intention to encourage self-expression coming from a good place? How would you handle a similar situation involving family dynamics and children’s clothing choices? Share your thoughts below!