AITAH for refusing to share my bio kids funds with step children?

A woman is refusing to share her son’s trust fund with her stepchildren, despite pressure from her husband, who is facing financial struggles. The situation has escalated to verbal abuse and physical violence, leaving the woman torn between standing her ground for her son’s future and preserving her marriage. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to share my bio kids funds with step children?’

I 40f have a son who is 17 m. We lost his dad when I was 28. It was hard for us..we didn’t have time to build massive fortune. But from his insurance and other investments, i created a trust fund for my son and the money there is around 150k usd. I have done good career wise and is employed at government job. Which is secure job till 60 and pays decently to live upper middle class life style .

I met my current husband when I was 30 ( he was 32 ) during some event. We connected from day one and a year later we got married. My husband has twins aged 15 m and 15 f. Their mother is involved in their life and my husband made clear from day one that children finances will be kept seperate.

We share grocery , necessities and clothes etc fund. But savings and school fees are kept seperately. We also own our homes separately. And I am currently living at his house and renting my own.note that rent is exclusively used for whole family travels etc. My son and his children get along fine. But they don’t call us parents or each other siblings.

We also have a daughter together who is 7. Also I save lot for young daughter as she won’t have this trust fund and I want to secure her future. Recent issue has been that my son has that fund and he wants to study in australia and is preparing for his move next year. My husband children has their fund. But max he can contribute to each children’s fund is 25k .

He lost money on gambling and his ex wife doesn’t save. He says let’s join all funds and is pressuring my son. He was giving in. I refused. I said it was my son’s inheritance from his dad and that can’t cover the loss of father. My husband exploded and abused verbally in anger..I also didn’t hold back. He slapped me. First time ever in life he hit me

We sorted out things later but I am not going to give this fund..my step children who have always been cordial to me are suddenly calling me evil monster. Same children for those who I prepare meals every morning at 6 am. Wash their clothes. Iron them. And buy them clothes and other things despite my husband barely doing it for my son. If combined.

The fund will come out 83 k each. Though it will still cover aus education for all of three.. I am not going to do that. His children Also want to go Australia now. My son said he doesn’t want my marriage to fall and said he will give away the amount if it makes me happy. I said no and said his future can’t be compromised.

I told my husband that it isn’t my fault that he was careless..in 9 years marriage. He never acted like this and he is giving cold treatment since. My marriage is on verge of breaking but I can’t deny my son his rights. I know if I say yes. He will happily share. But I won’t..I rather burn. But I am crying the way my man is treating me.

My parents are saying you won’t find a man later and to compromise and make peace. They said fight was one time happening. And we are expected to adjust. Also I want to give him chance if he stops poking my son. My frnds are saying it is tough to find a man again when you are a widow and then divorcee.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

thekatiecharm −  NTAH your husband physically hit you. He’s jealous and angry that he’s not able to provide for his kids the way you’ve been able to provide for your son. Also wtf is wrong with your parents slap them both and tell them it was one time and see how they’d react.

Lisbei −  NTA. STOP BURYING THE LEDE. HE HIT YOU. Your parents and your friends are wrong. You are wrong. GET OUT.

Initial-Respond7967 −  NTA. My friend, prepare to leave. Let’s break this down, including your edits:

1. Your husband has gone from respecting financial boundaries between your children to exploding violently when you enforce those boundaries.

2. He is attempting to pressure/manipulate your 17 year old son, who likely really wants the approval of the only father he remembers.

3. He is OK with his own children emotionally abusing you, likely encouraging it.

4. He hit you for the first time. That’s where it starts.

5. He is a former(?) gambler. His behavior may point that he is doing it again in secret.

6. He is drinking and pressuring you to have s**.

7. You are having s** with him when you don’t want to in order to avoid an argument. That is a form of a**ault.

All of that does not add up to a happy marriage or a good environment for you or your children. Look, if one of your friends came to you with this story, what would your advice be? I’m a 47F, I understand how hard it is to connect with someone as a woman over 40. But you are not doing yourself or your kids any favors.

In fact, you are damaging them. They are watching their mother being mistreated and learning it is ok. Don’t teach them that lesson. You will not be alone. Tell your parents the full truth. Tell them about the slap. I am also curious about whether your husband is gambling again without your knowledge.

He is acting like an addict sliding back into use and freaking out over the money he is losing. Call a lawyer. Prepare to leave and do it right. You have a job, property and rental income. You are in a good position to restart. Do it now, before the next slap comes.

Alternative-Gur-6208 −  Would you like your daughter to stay with a man that hit her once? Your nta. Your husband and your parents are.  One time he hits you is enough. They will keep doing it. What if he starts hitting her. He also demanding s**ual acts and drinking. 

zeldagirl87 −  Leave him. He’s guilt and g**lighting you, pestering you for s**, and he literally actually hit you. He’s turned his kids against you and is trying to manipulate you. It’s over. Get out!!!

BeachinLife1 −  NTA, and you need to get out of that marriage ASAP. I know you think you don’t want that, but you are secure in your job, you were smart enough to hold onto your own home, and you have kept your son’s money separate. It’s time to separate your own finances and as soon as the lease is up on your tenants, you need to move back into your own home.

Start socking their rent money away and don’t spend a dime on “the family” from here on out. I’m sorry, the greed I could dismiss once you said you would not give up your son’s dad’s legacy for him, but once he hit you all bets were off. You have let him get away with it once and that means that he will 100% do it again.

As for anyone calling you an “evil monster,” I would go ice skating in hell before I prepared them another meal, touched their dirty clothes or did anything else for them. Tell them they don’t want an evil monster cooking for them…and if they want to go to Australia, they can get a job and work for it, like other people do.

You are in a lot better position to get out than most women in your situation are. Don’t make the mistake of staying in that marriage. If he gives you any trouble over it, tell him you’ll tell everyone literally everything. If he wants it all kept quiet he’ll go for a quiet, uncontested divorce based on “irreconcilable differences” and 50/50 of your 7 year old.

Get yourself a lawyer, get all your important documents and most prized possessions in a safe place, and start planning your exit. Be ready to go when the lease is up on your house.

cruiser4319 −  Get out! He hit you and is raping you. This marriage is over. Protect yourself and your children.

Mononoaware77 −  NTA. I want to first acknowledge how much your fighting for your son to keep what is rightfully his. That already makes you an amazing mom. I am sorry you are going through this. This could be turning into domestic violence with both verbal and physical abuse. You do not deserve this. This is not okay. He is a c**ard for doing that to you. Please take care of yourself and your son. You are NTA, he is a major one.

Fragrant-Hyena9522 −  Your son doesn’t need to worry, your marriage was over the moment your husband laid his hands on you. That has nothing to do with your son. You are an a**hole if you stay with someone who hit you.

Fancy-Priority9863 −  So . Firstly your an amazing women , then a mum but right now your being s**ually used ( assaulted ) your being physically , finically , verbally and emotionally abused . In 10 years if your daughter came to you and told you what you’ve just wrote what would you tell her .

That her worth is measured if she’s with someone ? That she doesn’t need to be lonely or a man to keep her company . You struggled with your son , 1 your in a better position now 2 he will need to pay child support .

Start thinking of who you want your children to see . Cause this is not good . Your son is willing to give up on his dreams to save you that shouldn’t be how life is

Do you think she should compromise to keep the peace in her marriage, or is she right to protect her son’s inheritance? How would you navigate a situation where financial fairness is in conflict with family dynamics? Share your thoughts below!