AITAH for refusing to marry my ex bf so he can get citizenship?

A Reddit user shares their complex situation involving their ex-boyfriend, Mike, who is facing potential deportation due to his citizenship issues. Mike has proposed marriage as a solution to secure his green card. The user is torn between feelings of empathy and the moral dilemma of involving herself in such a way. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to marry my ex bf so he can get citizenship? ‘

This entire situation is a horrible mess and I truly have no idea where to start… Everything started really around 6 years ago, so when I (22 F) was in high school I began dating my at the time boyfriend, let’s call him Mike.

So it’s very crucial to note that Mike is not an American citizen, he was always incredibly secretive and didn’t talk much about his citizenship journey even when we were together. What I now know is that he entered the country illegally, it literally wasn’t his fault though he was five when he was brought in,

and he then gained a “sponsorship” through his now step dad who is an American citizen. I know that entire process was very stressful for him and I under no means am judging him for the pain and struggle he had to go through to get to the point where he is today.

We dated throughout high school and even lived together for a short period, he was the love of my life but I think at the end of the day everything going on with his citizenship and his family issues got the better of him.

He became incredibly cruel… he became someone I didn’t recognize and it was painful and truly scary to see him change from the quiet sweet man to a monster who lashed out constantly. We ended the relationship on a decent note. I held no ill will towards him but I didn’t want him a part of my life anymore.

All that to say last week he randomly showed up at my parent’s door (I still live at home) begging to see me. I was at work but from what my dad said he was panicking and looked like a wreck. He claimed he had tried calling me for a few days but he needed to see me right then and there.

An important thing to note is my dad hates Mike, he never forgave him for hurting me and for ending our relationship the way he did. So my dad told Mike he needed to calm down and if he didn’t leave he would call the police.

This freaked out Mike even more and he begged my dad not to call the police and said he just needed to talk to me. My dad said if Mike wanted to see me it would have to be on my terms. Eventually Mike left and my dad filled me in on what happened.

I was very hesitant to even speak to him but hearing how frantic he was worried me, I asked my parents for advice, my dad was against it but my mom told me to hear him out. I even asked my boyfriend what I should do and he said if I wanted he can come with me to hear what Mike had to say but I was obligated to give him anything.

I decided to just start with a phone call, I called him and he answered the phone and I could tell he was very relieved to hear me. He began saying how “nice it was to hear my voice” and how he “missed me” I told him to please just tell me what it was he needed from me.

I could then hear him start crying, I had never even seen him cry let alone hear it. He told me his application to gain a green card has been halted and may be rejected. Apparently his mom had cheated on his step dad and he step dad left, ultimately canceling his sponsorship of Mike

(Mike was frantic telling me this so I don’t know if all the details are right or even what this all really means…) I apologized that he was going through that then (not so nicely I admit) asked what that had to do with him. There was a moment of silence before he said “I need you to marry me.” I was so shocked I just hung up to phone.

Like I’m sorry this is “The Proposal” I can’t just marry him and BOOM citizenship… I am so confused and have a million things running through my mind… he began texted me and apologized for being so straightforward but it needed to be done to help his green card application and possibly speed up the process.

He told me it had to be me because we have “history together” and I “know him better than anyone”. I didn’t respond to anything he sent me… I told my parents and my dad flew off the handle… he started shouting about the “audacity” of him and how he was “out of his damn mind”… my mom was quiet but eventually said “why not?”

She told me that even though we weren’t together we could just get married on paper and then divorce later down the line. She said it would be “selfish” of me to “rob him of his future” because he and I broke up.

Her and my dad started arguing after that and I’m just so drained I don’t even k know what to do right now.. I literally cannot believe I’m asking Reddit for advice but please… what can I do? I don’t want his life to be ruined but would be in the wrong for refusing to marry him?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

aeroeagleAC −  Your post is ultimately am I the AH for not wanting to commit fraud. What do you think the answer to that is?

BasicRabbit4 −  Nta. Your mom is a weirdo for pushing this. None of what’s happening to him now is your responsibility to fix.
You’d be committing fraud and blowing up your life, and I can’t imagine your current boyfriend is on board for you marrying your ex.

Esosorum −  Let your mom marry him. Boom, problem solved.

Cool_Manufacturer603 −  YTA for even considering it……. that’s fraud. And btw, you marry him , your life will be ruin. By law you will be his sponsor and responsible and liable for any debt and financial responsibility he has for 10 years.. You and only you …….

pixie-ann −  NTA do not marry him. On the surface Mike’s situation sounds sad but it will only end badly for you if you marry him, regardless of your good intentions. You would be insane to marry him or get mixed up in this in any way. Which country is Mike a citizen of?

Sugar_Mama76 −  The whole “get married and he stays” thing is a total myth. You can get married but then he has to leave the country and THEN immigration lawyer, loads of paperwork and in about 12-18 months, he can come back to the US. I know a couple people that married non-residents and this was the process.

BTW, as his sponsor, you’re financially liable for him for 10 years, I believe (lawyer will let you know current laws). And for what? A dude that you used to date and became a**sive when things got tough. You owe him nothing. And certainly not worth risking jail time, fines and a felony conviction on your record.

SerenityLunaMay −  NTA. Do not listen to your mom. You marrying him would be illegal. You would be risking going to jail for up to 5 years and fines up to 250,000. It is not something that you never have to think about. There are constant meetings and check ups.

You would have to be living together and stay single the whole time. You would basically be ruining your own life. Your Mother is insane. Listen to your father. Honestly you need to block him on everything and be done with him.

kmflushing −  Your mom is fricking nuts, and if you listen to her, you’ll be committing a crime that could send you to jail for years as well as land you with an astronomical fine that will be an albatross for the next couple of decades. Plus, you’ll lose your current bf, as well as s**ew up your life. Seriously, wtf is wrong with her? I need to know.

Complex_Storm1929 −  NTA. Obviously all that would do is blow up your life. There is no positive outcome for you in this situation. If you did it most likely your father would loose a lot of respect for you, your current BF would most likely break up with you, and there is also the possibility of going to prison lol.

What I’m worried about is your mother. I mean, what kind of mother tells her daughter to commit fraud and blow up her life all for someone who hurt you? I would be very skeptical of your mother. There is something there that she’s not telling you.

Sunmoon98 −  Don’t do it and don’t listen to your mom. She’s the ah for even telling you to do it. It’s fraud and you would have to be married to him for years before you’re able to divorce. How would a future boyfriend feel if you are married. You would be tied to your ex for quite a while.

Do you think the Redditor should consider marrying her ex-boyfriend temporarily to help him secure his future, or should she stand firm and prioritize her own feelings and well-being? How would you navigate such a difficult decision? Share your thoughts below!