AITAH for refusing to keep giving my colleague lifts home after she started treating me like her personal chauffeur?
Late-night work and long commutes can forge unexpected bonds in the workplace. I work as a project manager in England, and one of my colleagues—“Emma”—has often needed a safe ride home after our late shifts. Out of genuine concern, I initially offered to give her lifts since her flat is only 15 minutes out of my way. At first, she was grateful, and I felt happy knowing she was safe. However, over time, what began as a kind gesture gradually morphed into an expectation that I serve as her personal chauffeur.
Now, Emma not only expects me to pick her up without asking but also insists on detours and extra stops—turning a simple lift into a drawn-out ordeal. When I finally expressed that I couldn’t keep accommodating these changes, she reacted defensively, calling me selfish and claiming I didn’t care about her safety. I’ve since stopped offering lifts altogether, and tensions have spilled over into the workplace. Was I the asshole for drawing this boundary?
‘ AITAH for refusing to keep giving my colleague lifts home after she started treating me like her personal chauffeur?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in workplace and interpersonal boundaries, notes, “When you offer help out of genuine concern, it’s important that the favor doesn’t become an expectation. Boundaries are essential in any relationship, including professional ones. If one person repeatedly exploits that generosity, it can lead to significant stress and resentment.”
She continues, “In such cases, establishing clear limits is not only justified—it’s necessary for your own well-being. A respectful conversation about expectations might have helped, but if those boundaries are continually ignored, then refusing further assistance is a healthy response.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Even in professional settings, mutual respect is key. When a favor turns into a routine demand without reciprocation, it undermines the spirit of cooperation. Setting boundaries, even if it leads to some temporary workplace tension, is crucial to maintaining personal balance. It’s about protecting your time and energy while still showing care within reasonable limits.”
Both experts agree that while your concern for Emma’s safety is valid, you’re justified in protecting your own time and well-being when your kindness is taken for granted.
See what others had to share with OP:
Several redditors expressed strong support for your decision. One user commented, “If someone starts treating your kindness as an entitlement, you have every right to say ‘no.’ Setting boundaries is not selfish—it’s necessary.”
Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve had colleagues who expected more than I was willing to give, and it drained me. It’s completely reasonable to refuse extra detours and extended rides if it impacts your own schedule.”
Ultimately, your decision to stop giving Emma lifts is not an overreaction—it’s a necessary boundary when kindness is exploited. While you care about her safety, it’s equally important to protect your own time and well-being. This situation raises an important question: How do we balance genuine concern for others with the need to set clear, healthy boundaries, especially in professional relationships?
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation where your generosity was taken for granted? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between helpfulness and self-care.