AITAH for refusing to keep giving my colleague lifts home after she started treating me like her personal chauffeur?

A Reddit user shares their dilemma after offering a colleague (Emma) lifts home late at night for safety reasons, only to feel taken advantage of when Emma started expecting the rides and asking for additional detours. Despite initially offering help out of kindness, the user eventually stopped giving lifts, causing Emma to act upset and tell colleagues that she had been “abandoned.”

Now, the Reddit user is questioning whether they were in the wrong for drawing a boundary. Is the user in the wrong for stopping the lifts, or was Emma overstepping? Read the original story below to see more details.

‘ AITAH for refusing to keep giving my colleague lifts home after she started treating me like her personal chauffeur?’

I live in England and work as a project manager for a tech company. My job often requires late nights, and so does the job of one of my colleagues, who I’ll call Emma (not her real name). We’ve always gotten along well, and I’ve been happy to help her out when I can. A couple of months ago, Emma mentioned she was nervous about taking public transport late at night after a particularly scary incident where someone followed her from the bus stop.

I felt for her and offered to give her a lift home whenever we finished late, as her flat is only about 15 minutes out of my way. At first, this was fine—she was really grateful, and I was happy knowing she was getting home safe.
But over time, things started to feel… off. For one, Emma began expecting the lift rather than asking. She’d linger around the office waiting for me instead of heading out, and if I tried to leave without her, she’d make comments like, “Oh, I guess chivalry really is dead.”

Then she started pushing it further. She’d ask me to make detours to pick up things for her or drop her off at places other than her home. For example, she once asked me to stop at a 24-hour shop so she could “grab a few essentials,” which turned into a 20-minute wait in the car. Another time, she asked me to drop her at her friend’s place instead of her flat, which added an extra 30 minutes to my journey.

When I gently told her I couldn’t keep doing this because it was adding to my already long days, she got defensive. She said I was being selfish and implied I didn’t care about her safety. She even made a snide remark about how she’d “find someone who actually cared.”

I’ve now stopped offering her lifts altogether. She’s been giving me the cold shoulder at work and has even told some of our colleagues that I “abandoned” her late at night. A few people have said I should’ve just put up with it for the sake of workplace harmony, but others agree she was taking advantage. I feel bad because I know the world isn’t always safe for women, especially late at night, but I also feel like I was being taken for granted.. AITAH?

See what others had to share with OP:

Accurate_Prompt_8800 −  No. You’re NTA. You offered to help her out of genuine kindness and concern for her safety. It’s clear you were trying to be supportive, and your actions went above and beyond what most colleagues would do. That’s not something she’s entitled to; it’s a *favour* you extended out of *goodwill*, and you have every right to withdraw it at your discretion.

She’s shifted from being grateful to treating your kindness as an obligation. Expecting lifts without asking, making snide comments like “chivalry is dead,” and asking for unnecessary detours shows a complete lack of respect for your time and boundaries, all serious red flags…

Ultimately, Emma’s safety is **her responsibility not yours**. She should explore other options to ensure she has safe travels to and from work. It’s not your duty to completely shoulder that burden. If your colleagues want workplace harmony, they should offer to be her chauffer instead!

DH-Canada −  At the very first “Oh, I guess chivalry really is dead” this arrangement would have been over for me.

qlohengrin −  NTA. Tell those telling you to put up with it that no one’s stopping them from chauffeuring her around.

Good_Ad6336 −  NTA. If you can I would go to HR and file a complaint. The coworker is talking about you in a negative light to influence how others interact with you. That’s a hostile workplace environment. Also, if she is so concerned about her safety why doesn’t she put a request in to restructure her schedule so she doesn’t work late? Maybe someone should point this out to HR…

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell her that she abused your generosity and now she does not get to have it.

BasicRabbit4 −  Nta. She’s using you like a taxi. But you’ve also got to learn to say no much sooner. The first time she waited around for you, you should have shot it down. “I don’t mind taking you home when we are both here late as a once in awhile thing, but you are too far out of my way for it to become a regular thing”.

gilbert10ba −  Absolutely, NTA. If she’s that worried about taking public transit, she can buy her own car. If she can’t afford it, then she can learn humility and how to be grateful for someone that does her a favour.

Bsnake12070826 −  NTA I used to take a co-worker home, it turned into him expecting a ride and no longer asking. I got mad when he told a new guy that I’ll give him a ride home without asking, he just assumed I’ll do it. Then new guy lied about how far he lived. Some people will take your kindness and abuse it.

Street-Figure-1743 −  NTA. Give once and you elicit appreciation;
· Give twice and you create anticipation;
· Give three times and you create expectation;
· Give four times and it becomes entitlement;
· Give five times and you establish dependency (Lupton in Toxic Charity, p. 130).

chaingun_samurai −  She even made a snide remark about how she’d “find someone who actually cared.”. “Cool. You can start today.”