AITAH for refusing to hire a Kosher catering company for my wedding?

A bride (28F) is facing backlash from her brother (34M) for not accommodating his girlfriend Jessie’s (37F) kosher dietary needs at her wedding. She planned to provide a kosher meal for Jessie but was told it wasn’t enough because the catering company wasn’t kosher-certified, requiring a complete overhaul of her wedding menu.

This would cost thousands and exclude her favorite dishes, including a seafood bar. When she suggested Jessie bring her own meal, her brother accused her of excluding his girlfriend, whom she has never met. The bride feels the demands are unreasonable, especially given the short duration of their relationship. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for refusing to hire a Kosher catering company for my wedding? ‘

Throwaway. I (28 F) am getting married in April. My brother (34 M) reached out about the catering because his girlfriend Jessie (37 F) is Jewish and needed a kosher meal. I was fine with that. We had guests who had nut, dairy, and gluten allergies so I just added it into my list of special meals to add.

When I told him what I planned on having for appetizers, dinner, and dessert he got upset saying that what I chose wasn’t kosher. I was confused because I planned on having a specific meal for Jessie and he said that that won’t work because it’s not just about the food but how it’s stored and prepared.

If the catering company I chose wasn’t kosher then certain foods would be stored together, prepared at the same time, served at the same meal, etc. He basically told me that I’d have to hire a catering company specifically for kosher means and change my entire reception meal plan. I’m not doing that.

I plan to have a seafood bar which is a big no no for kosher diets, among several other foods I couldn’t have at my wedding anymore. Just about every food I planned, all my favorites, I wouldn’t be able to have. Plus I looked into it and a catering company like that would raise my catering bill by thousands.

I told my brother I was sorry but I wouldn’t do that. He got angry saying that I’m purposely excluding his girlfriend and when I suggested she bring a separate meal instead he got even more mad saying that it was horrible of me to expect that if her. I think they’re being ridiculous.

Why should I change the entire menu, that I was SO excited about, for my WEDDING into something I don’t even like for my brother’s girlfriend? Why would I fork over an extra $3,500 for food I don’t want just because she doesn’t want to bring a Tupperware bowl of food to the reception?

My brother said I’m prioritizing superficial things over family which honestly made me laugh because he’s been dating his girlfriend for 4 months. She’s not family, he had to throw a fit to get her invited to our wedding because he didn’t even know her when rsvps went out. I haven’t even met her.

And I’m expected to change so much about my big day for her?. AITAH? Edit. I didn’t think about having a meal delivered from another restaurant. But a big part of the issue my brother is presenting is that there would be non kosher foods at the wedding still.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

AdLeather2708 −  NTA I have celiac. Because of my constant worry of cross-contamination, I bring my own food with me everywhere. I never expect anyone to provide me food with my strict diet. Your brother is being an AH. It’s not his wedding, he isn’t required to attend.

Impossible-Cattle504 −  I am both an orthodox jew(kosher observant) and a caterer. Most caterers know how to handle this, and most kashrut observant Jews understand and accept special meals at non kosher events.

It can be handled in many ways, ranging from a frozen meal heated up to a restaurant or caterer prepared meal on their own china with their own utensils, glasswear, etc. Depends on what you are looking for. Sounds like this is coming from your brother, not his girlfriend, the one for whom it’s relevant.

He sounds either completely ridiculous or, like he is being deliberately obtuse and picking a fight. Only you can Guage that. Honestly, I would stop indulging him, reach out to the girlfriend, ask her if she is actually interested in attending, and what that would take. Seems like something is missing here.

kmflushing −  NTA. Your brother is ridiculous. Ignore him. If it’s that big a problem, they don’t have to come. Just enjoy your wedding. Stop entertaining his nonsense. Don’t argue, explain, or try to reason. You’ve already addressed it. It’s done.

BroomRyder31 −  NTA. So he thinks it’s horrible of you to be okay with her bringing her own meal, but he has no clue how horrible it is for him to expect you to completely change the menu for your wedding?!? That’s irrational, selfish, and hypocritical at best. Just tell him that since he’s offering to cover the $3,500 difference, you’ll see what you can do!

Really-ChillDude −  I am vegan & Jewish I never expect anyone to go out of their way to make me a special meal. Your brother is being unreasonable by asking this. She can do what I do. Eat before. Bring snacks.

Icy_End_4096 −  Honestly, expecting others to change their whole menu for one person is a bit much.

TequilasLime −  Would it be possible to have a single. Sealed meal delivered from a kosher restaurant?

Sassy-Peanut −  NTA OP – Your brother could be creating drama simply to impress this girl he has only known for four months. Maybe contact her yourself and suggest ordering a meal from a kosher restaurant for her. If she rejects this, then you know she’s being a d**ma queen and if she says that’s acceptable – your brother is the d**ma queen!

Organic-Mix-9422 −  4 months! Did I read that right? 4 months and she is dictating YOUR wedding. Who the hell does she think she is? NTA OP and tell your i**ot brother that invitations can be rescinded as easily as given.

Is it fair to expect a bride to drastically change her wedding menu for one guest’s dietary needs? Or should Jessie bring her own meal and respect the bride’s choices for her big day? what do you think? share your thoughts below!