AITAH for refusing to help my SIL with her kids while on vacation ?

A Reddit user shares their experience of a family vacation that took an unexpected turn due to their sister-in-law’s (SIL) expectations. As a 23-year-old child-free ER nurse, the user has always been clear about their unwillingness to babysit.

But during a recent family getaway to celebrate their mother’s birthday, SIL assumed they would help care for her six children. Despite the user’s repeated refusals, SIL continued to push, leading to her frustration and emotional outbursts.

This situation raised questions about boundaries and family dynamics. Read the original story below to see how differing perspectives on family roles and childcare can create tension during gatherings.

‘ AITAH for refusing to help my SIL with her kids while on vacation ?’

For the record, I know my brother is an a**hole. I, 23f, am a child free ER nurse. I don’t like kids, even if they’re related to me. My boyfriend feels the same way. I’ve always had the stance to friends and family that I will never babysit ever. It’s never been an issue until now.

My parents rented a cabin this past weekend. The family hasn’t gotten together in a long time, and since it was our mom’s birthday wish we took a vacation. In attendance was our parents, my three older brothers, my brother David’s wife, and their six combined kids.

4 of which are just my sils kids from a previous marriage, and 2 are hers and David’s, including a four week old baby. Her and David have the agreement that he will pay all the bills and she will do all of the childcare.

He does absolutely nothing for his kids, except playing ball with her oldest in the yard sometimes. I think she’s dumb for agreeing to this one sided arrangement, but she’s been a SAHM her entire adult life and has no earning potential, so I guess that’s why she agreed to it.

On the trip, for some reason, sil had it in her head that because I’m a woman close in age, that I would help her with her kids the whole time so she could take a break. She kept trying to hand me her baby, or would ask me to do stuff for her kids.

Every time I would say no, and would tell her to ask her husband. I only went on this trip to spend time with my family who I rarely see. My parents live three states away and I rarely get to see them.

By the end of the trip sil would alternate between constantly crying to making rude snippy comments at me. I feel like it’s completely undeserved. I didn’t marry her or get her pregnant. And she isn’t even related to me. I have no clue why she isn’t mad at my brother, and not me.

He was kind of clear about him being an a**hole before she even married him. He told her that he wouldn’t change a single diaper, but she decided he would be the man to give her babies number 5 & 6.. AITAH?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

PacoDTaco69 −  NTA. Not your kids. They choose to have them and your brother knows where you stand. Sounds like your brother needs to have a conversation with his wife.

no_more_cat_2024 −  NTA. SIL wants someone to blame and to project her internalized misogynistic beliefs onto OP: “you are a woman too; women should help (another woman or childcare)” The double standard applied to you and your brother is disgusting.

judgingA-holes −  NTA – Not your kids, not your problem.

MikeReddit74 −  NTA, but damn I hope your sister gets her tubes tied. That’s a lot of kids to manage, especially with a husband that isn’t pulling his weight.

Otherwise_Degree_729 −  NTA. Her life would have been better if she worked as a waitress and stopped having kids. 4 kids were more than enough. Your brother is a major A. and his kids will hate him and go no contact as soon as they can. You have no obligation to care for their children and especially miss time with your parents when you rarely see them.

lovealert911 −  Life is a *personal* journey. It really doesn’t matter about who did what or said this or that. It’s always okay to say “no” if you really don’t feel like doing something.

***”Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals, and self-worth.”*** – Unknown ***”When you choose peace, it comes with a lot of goodbyes.”*** – Unknown

MNConcerto −  NTA, why would any woman marry someone like this and have MORE children. Here are the consequences of your actions. He told her who he was, she didn’t believe him. Unfortunately the children will pay the price. Time for her to give up the pipe dream, get some job skills, hire a babysitter and move on with her life.

ace_in_space −  NTA but just curious how old this mother of 6 is, seeing as how OP is 23 and calls herself “close in age” to the SIL. NTA – run, Forrest, run – but just curious how old this mother of 6 happens to be. Yikes.

shadyzeta579 −  NTA. Tell your SIL that you are both on vacation. The difference is that one of you has kids and the other does not. I could see lending a hand occasionally if she were a single parent.

But the fact the kids have both parents there but only one is doing actual parenting is wild. She can be mad all she wants but it’s not your responsibility to step up if your brother refuses to do his part.

What would happen if one kid gets hurt and has to go to the ER? She has to bring them all with her? She needs to reevaluate her relationship and not be bitter towards you for something you have no part in.

davekayaus −  NTA you’re not the parent and so you have no obligation to do the parenting

Do you think the user was justified in refusing to help with their sister-in-law’s children, or should they have stepped in to support family during the vacation? How would you navigate similar family expectations in a situation where you have no interest in childcare? Share your thoughts below!