AITAH for refusing to help my brother pay off his debt after he tried to publicly shame me?

Family relationships can often be a complicated web of obligations, expectations, and personal boundaries. At 19, I recently landed a new job and managed to save up a considerable amount of money over the past year. While my success made my family proud, it also sparked a series of comments from my older brother, who’s 25 and has a long history of financial irresponsibility. His remarks—like “You’re finally rolling in cash, so I guess you can help your family now”—set the stage for an uncomfortable confrontation about money and family loyalty. Read the original story below…

‘AITAH for refusing to help my brother pay off his debt after he tried to publicly shame me?’

Financial and relationship expert Dr. Sarah Lin stresses the importance of setting firm boundaries when family members repeatedly demonstrate poor financial habits. In this case, she notes that bailing out a sibling who has a well-documented history of irresponsible spending—whether through gambling or unnecessary purchases—can inadvertently enable that behavior.

Dr. Lin explains that while family support is important, it should not come at the cost of your own financial stability. She also highlights that the public shaming on social media, as seen with the brother’s rant, only deepens family conflict and undermines the possibility of constructive dialogue.

Instead of yielding to pressure and lending money, Dr. Lin advises that one should remain steadfast, encourage the individual to seek professional financial counseling, and focus on fostering accountability. This approach not only protects your own future but also promotes a healthier, long-term solution for the family member in need.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Overall, the community broadly supports the decision to maintain financial boundaries. Many agree that repeatedly bailing out a sibling with a history of irresponsible spending only enables destructive behavior. While some acknowledge the weight of family expectations, the consensus is that protecting one’s financial well-being—and encouraging the sibling to seek proper help—is ultimately healthier. There is a shared understanding that tough love and setting clear limits can prevent future issues, even if it means facing temporary family conflict.

In the end, this conflict is not just about money—it’s about accountability, respect, and maintaining healthy boundaries within a family. While some relatives think I should simply lend the money to keep the drama at bay, I believe that enabling my brother’s irresponsible behavior will only lead to more trouble down the road.

What do you think? Is it fair to prioritize your financial well-being over family expectations, or should I have given in to avoid further conflict? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insight might help others facing similar family dilemmas.