AITAH for refusing to go to my wife’s family vacation because she didn’t consult me before booking it?
One Redditor is at odds with their wife after she booked a week-long family vacation without consulting them first. The trip clashes with a crucial work project, and while the wife is hurt and frustrated, accusing the user of being selfish.
The user feels their reason for not going is valid. The situation has created tension, with friends urging the user to just go to avoid conflict. Read the full story below.
‘ AITAH for refusing to go to my wife’s family vacation because she didn’t consult me before booking it?’
I (35M) have been married to my wife, Jenna (33F), for 6 years. Recently, she surprised me by saying she booked a week-long vacation for us with her family—her parents, siblings, and their kids. She was super excited and said she had everything planned: the location, the dates, and even our share of the costs.
The problem is, she never talked to me about it beforehand. I work a demanding job, and I need to plan my time off carefully. The dates she picked clash with a big project at work, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving during such a critical time. On top of that, I feel frustrated that she assumed I’d be okay with the whole thing without asking me.
When I told her I couldn’t go and explained why, she got upset, saying I was being “selfish” and that I “never prioritize her family.” She said this trip is important to her because her family rarely gets together like this, and she had been looking forward to us all bonding.
I told her I understand, but booking something without consulting me isn’t fair. Now she’s angry and is accusing me of not caring about her or her family. I feel like I have a valid reason for not going, but she’s making me feel guilty about it.
Some friends are saying I should “just make it work” to keep the peace, but I’m standing firm that she should have discussed it with me first. So, AITAH for refusing to go to my wife’s family vacation because she didn’t consult me before booking it?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LittleOldNobody − NTA. You’ve got responsibilities and she doesn’t see them. I hope you’ll get her to realize that without getting into a fight though!
UnfairEntrance159 − NTA. Your wife doesn’t seem to understand that people can’t just leave their responsibilities at any time they please.
Zealousideal_Till683 − Some friends are saying I should “just make it work” to keep the peace. All the tell-tale phrasing of a fake AI story.
SnowiceDawn − According to zerogpt, this story is 100% AI generated lol.
Flat-Description4853 − def chatgpt, good one.
Adventurous-Smile251 − NTA this is the pot calling the kettle black. She said you’re selfish and don’t prioritise her family, she has just done that exact thing to you. She has been completely selfish in booking it without talking to you and she clearly doesn’t care about your very valid commitments.
Sensitive-Ad-5406 − Does every single person on here have meddling, moronic friends and family? I don’t believe this is real, but just in case it is: you married a dumb, selfish, entitled princess
_s1m0n_s3z − NTA. She fucked up. It is possible that she assumed that you would \*never\* find it convenient to spend time with her family and did it deliberately, but the method she chose for forcing your hand cannot be condoned.. This may affect your marriage.
Absent_Picnic − In our house we have to plan leave 18mo ahead because of my husband’s job. We cannot do short notice trips.. So no, you’re NTA. Let her go and have the holiday with her family and enjoy it. Then, use your time off to both do something you want to do.
wfhchamp − NTA coming from another project manager. But it does sound like your wife was trying to do something she thought you’d all enjoy- but just didn’t consider your schedule and importance of the dates.
Does your wife understand the nature of project work? I’d suggest a calm discussion where you can explain how your job isn’t a typical calendar. Also- if you have key deadlines and activities, maybe you can share those dates on a family calendar so she can reference that if you are trying to plan. (Google calendars is great for this).
Is there a way you could perhaps compromise and take a couple days off and/or work remote if/ when you are needed? Running larger projects sometimes makes it hard as you get close to big deadlines, but there are ways to squeeze in time if you are creative.
I live this life daily as a project manager with a spouse who works on a monthly schedule in management with key dates and 2 kids at home. The home calendar and planning is as much an effort as work planning.
We are both responsible for sharing key dates, and our oldest in high school now is responsible for logging their big activities as well. I have done many 1-parent + kids vacations over the years because its all we could make work.
Some were partial/ split parent vacations. Sometimes I have to work remote a bit, but still enjoy the rest of the time. Its all what you make of it, but you need to put in the effort to find out how to make it work
Do you think the user is justified in refusing to go on the trip due to work commitments, or do you feel that they should have prioritized the family vacation to keep the peace? How would you approach this situation if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments!