AITAH for refusing to go to my “best guy friend’s” wedding and telling my parents I am going to cut them off?
Family gatherings can be a minefield of expectations, traditions, and, sometimes, unspoken resentments. Our OP, a 28-year-old woman, shares her experience of being caught between family pressures and her own sense of identity. Growing up with two older brothers and being closely tied to another family (whose parents were lifelong friends of hers), she always felt a push from everyone to “end up together” with a certain guy from that family.
Although she never saw him as anything more than a friendly cousin figure, her parents (and the extended family) continuously set her up on dates, talk about a destined romance, and even involve her in absurd matchmaking scenarios. Fast forward to her own adulthood, where her own relationship and engagement to her loving fiancé has finally given her a sense of stability. Yet, as her “best guy friend” from that childhood set-up is now getting married,
the family’s obsessive insistence that she belongs with him—and the constant pressure for her to act as if their union was inevitable—has become too much. At a bachelor party, the situation escalated into a full-blown family confrontation, leaving her so upset that she declared she would cut off her parents if they continued pushing her into a fairy-tale romance she never wanted. Now, with relatives and even her own brothers weighing in, she wonders if her ultimatum makes her the asshole.
‘AITAH for refusing to go to my “best guy friend’s” wedding and telling my parents I am going to cut them off?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her insights on family dynamics and individual identity, explains, “When family expectations are imposed on an individual, especially in contexts as personal as romantic relationships, it can create a significant internal conflict. If someone has worked hard to build a life that’s authentically their own, it’s both natural and healthy to push back against the pressure to conform to a predetermined narrative.” (kidshealth.org)
Similarly, family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson notes, “Families often operate on long-held traditions that may not reflect the individual’s desires or values. When an individual is forced to live out a script they never chose, it can lead to feelings of resentment and identity conflict. Setting firm boundaries—even if it means issuing ultimatums—is sometimes necessary to reclaim one’s personal autonomy and mental well‑being.”
Both experts emphasize that while family bonds are important, they should not override an individual’s right to make decisions that reflect their own life goals and values. In this case, OP’s decision to distance herself from family pressures is not an act of ingratitude, but a necessary assertion of her identity.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Many redditors empathize with OP, noting that family pressure to conform to a “destined romance” can be suffocating. “If your family has been pushing a narrative that you never wanted, standing your ground is totally justified,” one commenter wrote.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to refuse to attend her “best guy friend’s” wedding—and to threaten to cut off her family if they continue to push her into a predetermined romantic narrative—appears to be a necessary step in asserting her autonomy. While her family may claim that they only want the best for her, the constant pressure to conform to their fairy-tale expectations can be deeply damaging when it conflicts with her own identity and happiness.
Do you believe that standing up for your own identity—even if it means issuing ultimatums—is justified when family expectations become overbearing? Or should there be a middle ground where compromise can be reached without cutting ties? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?