AITAH for refusing to go on any more vacations with my friends who have toddlers.

A woman shares her experience of an unenjoyable vacation with her husband and two other couples who have toddlers. Despite being long-time friends, she felt treated like a nanny and cook throughout the trip, enduring comments about her “easy” child-free life.

She and her husband cleaned up after everyone daily, and now the group is asking her to plan another trip, which she doesn’t want to do. Her husband worries about hurting their friends by refusing.

‘ AITAH for refusing to go on any more vacations with my friends who have toddlers.’

My husband(30M) and I (29f) are close friends with 2 couples of similar age. We have been friends for almost a decade now and have been on many (enjoyable)vacations together. I am the only working woman in the group.

Our friends had their respective first babies 6 months apart in 2021 and 2022. We have hung out together many times since (mostly at our house) and had a good time. We obviously haven’t been on any group vacations together since. My husband and I travel on our own quite frequently.

Since the beginning of 2023, the other wives started throwing hints at me to plan a group vacation again ( i am the travel planner of the group, and i dont mind). I was all for it and planned it for the fourth of July weekend. I booked a nice house right next to a beach which was only 1.5 hrs from where we live.

The vacation was not enjoyable to me . I totally understand that kids would be the priority for parents, and I went in expecting that. What I didn’t expect was to be treated like a nanny and cook for them. I got some comments like “Oh, I deal with this 24*7, you have it easy.” One day, I woke up at 7 and went down.

My husband made me some coffee, and I said I needed a truckload of coffee because I was groggy from a restless night. Immediately, there was a comment saying, “You are so spoiled, I feel lucky when I get 2 hrs of sleep.” I cooked a meal for 6 of us from scratch, and one of the moms heated it in the microwave.

Immediately, the other mom commented that “OP should have planned the cooking around nap time so that the other mom didn’t have to reheat the food.” Husband and I cleaned up after everyone every day.There are so many more instances.

The group is already pestering me to plan a fall trip for leaf peeping.I told my husband I don’t want to plan another vacation with this group.He thinks we will hurt them as we have been friends for so long. AITA?

**ETA:**

Thanks, everyone. I wanted to clarify some stuff.
First of all, I think I misrepresented my husband . We both did the cooking and cleaning.We both felt saying no outright might hurt feelings and friendship. These people are almost family to us as we navigate life away from family.The problem was that we all decided to have a quiet holiday relaxing with everyone participating in the chores.

But they all came up with excuses when it came to actually doing work, and we ended up doing it.The comments were all from the mom of the 2.5 years old and were directed at both my husband and I .

She (as one of the comments pointed out) feels like being a mom is the hardest thing in the world and if we say anything about being tired/overworked (husband and I both have high pressure jobs) ,then that’s e**titled . I plan on limiting my interaction. Already declined the fireworks invitation tonight.

I love the kiddos and like spending time with them. I even offer to babysit when i can. We also plan to have one in the future, but I would never want to be “that” person.As of now, we don’t plan on doing another trip .I am sure there are plenty of excuses I can come up with.

**ETA2 :**

Well, the declined invitation did it! I was asked why we weren’t coming, and I just said the vacation wasn’t relaxing for us, and we were tired after hosting everyone. The parents of the 2.5 years were silent on the group chat, but the other couple immediately apologized and said they felt bad. The mom called me and apologized again for not helping . I told her we have a full-time job, and while I know taking care of a baby is much more stressful, i still want to unwind on a vacation .

The vibe is a bit tense right now, and I am not sure how this will affect our friendships, but I definitely feel a lot lighter!

**ETA3 :**

It’s probably the last update. Things went south today. The mom of the 2.5 yo messaged in the group that she felt targeted and not welcome in the group. She said her words were just meant to be funny. And she was just trying to show how jealous she is of our “care free” life with “no responsibilities”” . Also, how we are always on vacation ( We have been on one other vacation this year).
After a wall of text ,she left the group.

Her husband called us after work today and apologized. But he also said she is dealing with child care all day long while he works and is pretty sensitive about it nowadays. We have decided to let it go and give her some space / time, but told him that we won’t take any more snarky remarks.
So that’s it from my side.. Thank you for all the support!

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Few-School-3869 ( Top 1 ) says

NTA Sounds awful and I hate it when parents act like childless people forced them to be parents and they’re these martyrs who deserve sympathy. And I have kids. Lol. You can hang out and not lose the friendships but just no more vacas

KitchenParticular707 ( Top 2 ) says

NTA. You don’t have kids and shouldn’t be expected to do more on a vacation. Their comments were very condescending and their attitude sucks.

carapostsstuff ( Top 3 ) says

NTA if they want baby sitting while on holiday, hire a babysitter

Active_Sentence9302 ( Top 4 ) says

NTA, I don’t blame you but if the friendships are important to you the best compromise would be to insist on hotel vacations only. No cooking/dining in. You and your hubs get your own room. This way ALL of you get a break from the cooking/cleaning.

YouSayWotNow ( Top 5 ) says

The problem isn’t that they have kids, it’s that they are so obtuse/ unaware or so e**titled that they think you are there for their convenience / as a nanny / to cook and clean for them.We also did a lot of group holidays with friends over the years and they morphed into holidays with kids once some of the friends started sprogging.

But with one or two exceptions (who were quickly disabused), the majority of parents had no expectations on the non parents to be their skivvies. Of course, most of us were happy to help with some babysitting and assistance but there was scant concession made to sharing the cleaning duties for the parents unless someone volunteered to help with something.

Now those kids are a mix of adults and teenagers, and mostly look after themselves but we still go on holiday together once every year or two, to spend time with friends.
Husband and I consider these trips very differently to our own travel for the two of us, not we still enjoy themBut our friends aren’t as oblivious / cheeky as yours

NTA

stevethemighty1 ( Top 6 ) says

Didn’t even read this. No you’re not the a**shole. I have 2 kids. One is 2 and one is 4. They are absolute goblins on vacation. I do not blame you for not wanting to spend your time earmarked for relaxing with creatures that scream because you give them what they wanted and asked for. Your friends are assholes if they are giving you grief about it. They chose to have kids, you didn’t.

SmeeegHeead ( Top 7 ) says

Nta. As.a parent myself, I would not expect others to bend on a holiday for me. Also, what’s leaf peeping?

Lofteed ( Top 8 ) says

Your friends are going through the two years curse. it s the time when new parents reach the limits of their freaking minds and some of them just can t cope with it.
Some of them also start to envy their child-free friends Sometimes this envy is barely masqueraded by condescending judgment.

All in all, they won t change this attitude so easily and the best thing you can do for your friendship is to be firm but frank with them and draw the line.
Don t make it personal, as they are experiencing something that every single parent has experienced before, but do not allow under any circumstances to become their straw man (straw woman ?)

They chose their life style freely, just as you. They better learn to respect your choices as much as you respect theirs if they are going to grow as your friends going forward.
You are NTA

SoHam_34 ( Top 9 ) says

NTA, ppl love to have babies but throw them at other ppl in the first opportunity. They don’t even ask, they just feel e**titled to it.
Remember not all friendships have to be forever, we start and end many cycles during our lives. And I feel sorry for saying that, but your friends don’t seem to be good ppl since they’re so e**titled.
Oh, I forgot about the part that they say that you’re not tired like they are every day, this kind of comment makes me want to go live alone in a cave. Yeah, they’re tired bc THEY chose that, they shouldn’t be bringing you into this situation unless YOU offer, not bc they’re supposedly e**titled to it.

groovymama98 ( Top 10 ) says

NTA

It’s not a vacation for you if you are hosting. And they know exactly what they are doing with their actions and comments. I don’t know the kind of friendship you have with these mothers, but acting as if you have any responsibility for their kids is not friendship to you. You can’t call it a vacation for yourself if you’re doing other people’s duties.