AITAH for refusing to give my husband the cash I got back from a present he asked me to return?
A Redditor (F) put a lot of thought into a $500 birthday gift for her husband (46M) to celebrate his recovery from a severe cycling accident. She purchased a high-tech Garmin Varia bike radar to enhance his safety while riding.
However, her husband rejected the gift and asked her to return it. Later, he demanded the $500 in cash instead, claiming it was “his present.” Frustrated by his ungrateful reaction and feeling disrespected, she refused to hand over the money, leading to an argument.
Now, he accuses her of being unreasonable, leaving her to wonder if she’s in the wrong. Read the full story below and decide for yourself.
‘ AITAH for refusing to give my husband the cash I got back from a present he asked me to return? ‘
For context, my husband 46yo got into a terrible cycling accident last year. He suffered from a punctured lung requiring a chest tube, 3 broken ribs and a broken clavicle. He spent 5 days in the hospital. It was really scary for all of us. He is finally back on the bike and training again.
The kids and I worked really hard for his birthday present this year, we wanted it to be something to recognize how proud we were of him getting back on the bike. It’s important to mention that when asked what he wanted for his birthday he would tell us ” I don’t need anything”.
We ( by we I mean me because our kids are both under the age of 7) got him a Garmin Varia, which is a bike radar and camera that provides a taillight, visibility to approaching cars and notifies the biker of approaching cars. Total cost was $500.
We gave it to him last night and it was pretty obvious he did not want it. This morning he asked me to return it. I’m pissed about his ungrateful reaction but that’s another conversation. Later on today he informs me that he will just take the $500 cash amount as his present instead.
I told him hell no. He doesn’t want the gift, fine, but I’m not giving him the money especially with how ungrateful he was for the original gift. He’s saying I’m the ass hole, and that it’s his gift and therefore his cash. So AITAH for not giving my husband the cash that I’m getting back for returning the gift he didn’t like?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
AlkalineDrillBreaker − As a cyclist myself, I’m confused why he wouldn’t want that rear camera for extra insurance. Especially after being in an accident.
BeachinLife1 − Nah, just remind him that he “didn’t need anything.”
yavanna12 − INFO: is this normal behavior for him or have you seen shifts in personality since his accident?
WomanInQuestion − NTA – it WAS his gift until he refused it and told you to return it. Then it was yours to do with as you saw fit. I think the doctors missed that stick that’s still up his ass.
garyoliver917 − Why is no one asking WHY he didn’t want the gift?
Frankifile − There is a graceful way of turning down a much thought out gift. He could have graciously accepted the gift thanked you and your children then told you later what he thought would be more useful to him.
He didn’t, he behaved rudely and told you to return the gift. You’ve done just that. You don’t owe him the money. My SIL made a massive song and dance about gifts, rejecting very thoughtful gifts, then demanding the same thing she refused to accept.
We give her £50 gift voucher for a shop she used to moan about not getting gift vouchers for. Keeps the work and money down for us. It’s her loss. And she’s vey aware of it but has no come back.
She tried to retaliate by ignoring my husband (her brothers) and kids on their birthday and Christmas entirely, but I honestly welcome the silence and no drama.
Couette-Couette − NTA as he doesn’t need anything
_LullyMoon_ − I mean.. the thing behind your gift is that there was thoughtfulness put into it. There is a history behind it, there is care involved as well.
I would also be pissed if I was in your shoes, it is never easy to come up with good gifts and damn, the least he could do would be to accept it and be grateful for the thought. He could later explain that there is no partial use for him, why and suggest you return it together or exchange it for something else.
That would be a bummer but not upsetting. Now that he had this kind of reaction, I’d say “I’m sorry, I’m reverting it back to the gift you originally asked for, which was that you didn’t need anything” cuz I’m that petty. (Just for a few days, though, cuz you can’t stay mad at those you love). NTA imo
desmond_koh − We gave it to him last night and it was pretty obvious he did not want it. This morning he asked me to return it.
Have you asked him *why* he does not want the gift you got him? Maybe there is some phycological reason related to his accident?
I’m pissed about his ungrateful reaction but that’s another conversation. I’m not sure that is “another conversation”. I think that is the conversation. What is your goal here? To give him a present that he likes? Or for him to have the present that you want him to have?
I am really a little confused here. I have no idea why your husband doesn’t like the present you got. I suspect there is something more going on here that maybe you are not aware of. It was really scary for all of us. \[…\]
The kids and I worked really hard for his birthday present this year \[…\] We ( by we I mean me because our kids are both under the age of 7) got him a Garmin Varia
This is all about you and the kids (although, by your own admission, mostly you). Was the accident scary for your husband as well? I don’t doubt that you went through a scary time. But what about him? Maybe there is something else at play here.
VegetableBusiness897 − Tell him you apologize, since you forgot that when you asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said ‘nothing’. And you are sorry for ignoring the request and giving him the Garmin. So you will show your love and appreciation for him by giving him exactly what he asked for. Nothing.
Was the wife justified in refusing to give her husband the cash from the returned gift, or should she have honored his request since it was meant for him? How do you navigate gifting when the recipient doesn’t appreciate the thought behind it? Share your opinions below!
