AITAH for refusing to give my brother $50,000 that our grandfather left me in his will?

A Redditor recently inherited $50,000 from his late grandfather, whom he was exceptionally close to and had cared for during the final years of his life. While the inheritance felt like a way for his grandfather to acknowledge his support, his younger brother, Matt, who had a more distant relationship with their grandfather, asked for $30,000 of the money to deal with financial struggles.

The Redditor refused, explaining he had plans to use the money to fulfill his dream of starting a woodworking business—a passion his grandfather likely knew about. Now, his brother and even his parents are upset, accusing him of being selfish. Read the full story below and decide if the Redditor was justified in his decision.

‘ AITAH for refusing to give my brother $50,000 that our grandfather left me in his will?’

Throwaway because some family members use reddit. I (32M) recently received $50,000 from my grandfather’s estate. I was incredibly close to my grandfather; I visited him every week, especially as he got older and his health deteriorated.

I was there through it all—taking him to doctor’s appointments, helping around the house, and sometimes just sitting with him while he watched his favorite shows. He was like a second father to me, and when he passed, it hit me hard.

My younger brother, Matt (27M), had a different relationship with Grandpa. It wasn’t that he didn’t love him—he did—but he was always busy. Matt lives a few hours away, has a demanding job, and is starting a family with his wife, who’s currently pregnant. He visited on holidays and special occasions, but that’s about it. I always figured that was just how Matt was.

When the will was read, my grandfather left Matt some sentimental things: an old watch and a few other items. But the $50,000 came to me. I didn’t expect it, but I think Grandpa knew how much I had sacrificed to be there for him in those last years. I loved him and never did any of it for the money, but when I got it, I felt like it was his way of saying thank you.

A couple of weeks after the funeral, Matt called me, saying he needed to talk. He came over, and after some small talk, he asked me for money—$30,000 of the inheritance. He explained that he was drowning in debt, his wife’s pregnancy had brought extra expenses, and he just needed some help to get back on track. He said he wouldn’t ask if he weren’t desperate.

I felt bad for him, I really did. But I also felt conflicted. This money wasn’t something I expected to fall into my lap, but I had already started making plans for it. I’ve been wanting to open a small woodworking business, something I’m passionate about and have been saving for over the years.

This inheritance was the missing piece to make that dream happen, and I feel like my grandfather knew that when he left it to me. I told Matt I couldn’t give him the $30,000. I said I’d be happy to help him out in smaller ways, like offering some of the things I’ve been saving myself, but I wanted to keep the majority of the money for the business I’d been dreaming of for years.

I even offered to help him look for financial assistance or budgeting tips. Now that I think of it, it was petty, but I honestly didn’t mean it that way.
He didn’t take it well. Matt accused me of being s**fish, of valuing my “non-existent hobby” over helping my own brother and future niece or nephew.

He said I didn’t understand the stress he was under, and to make matters worse, our parents have sided with him. Mom says family should come first and that Grandpa would’ve wanted me to help him out.

Now, I feel like the bad guy. I didn’t ask for this money, and I don’t want to destroy my relationship with my brother, but this is the first time in my life I feel like I could actually follow a dream of mine, and I don’t want to give that up.. AITAH ?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

saeedaqtt −  NTA. Your brother and parents are e**itled. The money is yours.

globaltrekker1 −  NTA. He is an adult responsible for HIS CHOICES. Stop letting them guilt trip you. If you parents care so much they can help him.

.(a) Tell them to stop.
(b) Tell them you have spent the money already.
(c) Go Low or No contact if they don’t stop.

Smitty-TBR2430 −  NTA. When anyone (uhhh… Mom) again says “family should come first,” tell Mom to give bro the money.

AdministrativeNet910 −  NTA. If your grandfather wanted your brother to have some of the money,he would have left him some. Keep the money and follow your dreams.

Dismal_Upstairs3949 −  I can’t believe your brother had the audacity to even ask. Sounds like he doesn’t know how to budget money so if you loan it to him you will most likely never see it again. You are not financially obligated to family. In fact, borrowing or lending to family rarely works out and is a bad idea. Don’t do it!

They sometimes think bc they’re family they don’t have to pay you back. Happened to me and I haven’t spoken to my sister in 10 years, which is honestly a relief. Don’t do it. He’s being a b**t.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Your parents can give your brother $30,000 if they think family should come first. If you had not received an inheritance from your grandfather, what would your brother have done? Your brother is trying to take advantage of you. He is an adult and needs to learn to live within his means.

You spent a lot of time with your grandfather and would have spoken about your dreams of starting a business, my guess is that is why he left you the inheritance. Your grandfather wanted you to have the money, don’t let your parents or brother guilt trip you into gifting it to your brother.

Launch your own business and go low contact/no contact with your parents and brother if they continue pressuring you. NTA.

slendermanismydad −  Your brother and his kid aren’t your financial responsibility.  Mom says family should come first and that Grandpa would’ve wanted me to help him out.

Clearly he did NOT want that because he didn’t leave $$$ to him. Did your mom get any money?  he just needed some help to get back on track. $30K isn’t some help. He will be right back for the other $20K. 

Physical_Dance_9606 −  NTA. If your grandfather ‘would have wanted you to help out’ he would have left half of the money to your brother.

savinathewhite −  NTA. Your grandfather wanted *you* to have that money. Respecting your grandfathers wishes is the last bit of respect you get to pay him. Your brothers debts or financial struggles are a result of his choices.

He didn’t have some t**gedy or accident – he didn’t get cancer or get hit by a truck. All his problems are normal problems he should have planned for. Babies are expensive, most debts are a result of overspending.

He just sees you as an easy way out of his own choices. Don’t give up your dream just so he can avoid the natural consequences of decisions he made.

madgeystardust −  It’s funny how people always say ‘family comes first’ when they themselves want something. The rest of the time when other family members might need them, you don’t see them.

Keep the money. Your parents can loan your brother money if they’re so invested.