AITAH for refusing to give leftovers to a potluck guest who did not chip in?

A Reddit user shared a story about a long-standing neighborhood tradition of happy hour gatherings, where one guest, Betsy, consistently avoided contributing food or drink but always partook generously. The situation came to a head when Betsy tried to take leftovers from a shared meal she hadn’t paid for, leading to a confrontation. The user wonders if they were wrong for refusing her the leftovers. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITAH for refusing to give leftovers to a potluck guest who did not chip in?’

So we lived for nearly 20 years in a townhouse complex with a lot of neighbours about the same age. A bunch of us got friendly and would gather on someone’s patio or roof deck for happy hour once or twice a week. It was understood to be BYOB and so everyone would show up with a drink or a glass of wine and maybe a bottle of wine for their own refills. Except Betsy – she always came with a glass of water and tossed it back.

Then she would grab someone else’s bottle of wine and top up their glass whether they needed it or not, then pour a bunch in her glass. We always let it go because we figured she was broke and she never raided the same bottle twice.

Sometimes we would all throw our money together and order food for delivery – usually pizza – and Betsy always managed to eat two large helpings of the shared food. It took a while for us to clue in but some of us started noticing that Betsy always forgot her wallet and never really put any money into the pot, and we mentioned it to each other but never really did anything about it as it was kind of awkward.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was the time happy hour/dinner was at our place. Betsy kept going into our fridge and pouring herself wine from our bottle. Then we all decided to order really good Thai food for delivery and Betsy as usual didn’t contribute, and it was pretty expensive as we may kind of over ordered. As usual Betsy ate two huge helpings.

When it came time for people to head home she packed up the leftover Thai food containers and headed for the door, but I grabbed them from her and split them up into a few bags and gave them to others to take home, and didn’t give any to her. She made a big stink about not getting any of the leftovers but I told her she didn’t deserve any since she didn’t contribute anything towards the food bill.

Some of the neighbours thought it was mean of me not to give her any leftovers, but others who had noticed Betsy never contributing thought I was in the right. Betsy broke into tears and took off, and stopped coming to happy hours with us. Was I the AH for not letting Betsy take the leftovers?

Check out how the community responded:

Caspian4136 −  NTA. She’s been mooching off you guys for long enough. It’s about time someone took a stand and put their foot down about it. She wasn’t even taking a glass of wine here or there, but the whole thing was her coming empty handed and just helping herself to everyone else’s food and drink.

PaleMoonEnigma14 −  Betsy was taking advantage of your generosity and it was about time someone called her out on it. Keep those leftovers for the people who actually contribute and deserve them. Ntah.

Sharkim −  NTA. Betsy had been freeloading for years, and it seems like everyone had been enabling her behavior by not addressing it sooner. She didn’t contribute to the food, drank wine she didn’t bring, and then tried to take the leftovers without any regard of fairness. That’s crossing multiple boundaries. Me writing this makes me realize this could be a skit in a TV show… You didn’t humiliate her; you simply enforced a fair boundary by ensuring the leftovers went to those who actually contributed.

MarthaT001 −  NTA But quit inviting Betsy.

T9Para −  NTA – I’d put my foot down on the wine bottles too “Oh you like our wine? Let me taste yours too see if I like it. I’m always up to try different wines” …. “Oh, You forgot yours? Well honey run over to your townhouse and get it” as you lead her to the door”. “Oh, you forgot your wallet again, well run home and get it!”

“OK the bill for the pizza is $100, there are 10 of us, ty friend 1-8… where is your $10? You forgot your wallet again? Well bless your heart, run along and go get it. You do know that it isn’t fair to the others who have given their share, when you dont.” *BIG SMILE* SWEETLY said.. SICKING SWEET at that.

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  NTA, and Betsy needs to be called out for her rude and entitled behavior. You’ve been too kind -make it clear that from now on, she contributes or goes hungry and thirsty.

Used_Mark_7911 −  NTA. You don’t even need to hint around. I think you can state it in very simply and direct terms to her: “Hey Betsy, you shouldn’t expect to take leftovers a home if you didn’t make any contributions to the meal.”

I think you can also have heart to heart with her about good etiquette when sharing meals and socializing with friends, especially if she never hosts herself. For example, if she plans to drink wine, then she should bring a bottle of wine. If she thinks she doesn’t drink that much, then she can bring a bottle every second time. Same goes for food. People don’t mind providing food and drink for friends if the favor is returned once in a while but she can’t always be on the receiving end.

Couette-Couette −  NTA. Even the broke students (I know for sure they are broke) always bring a little something to contribute when we do a gathering (chips, bread, juices) and they would never leave with leftovers…

Material_Cellist4133 −  NTA. But start calling her out for her behavior….
“How do you always manage to forget your wallet?”
“Hey, that’s my bottle, grab some from your own”
“You never bring wine, but somehow your glass is always full with it”
Embarrass her enough, she will stop.

TaylorMade2566 −  Holy crap. Why are people so reticent to tell someone when they’re being an entitled a-hole? You do NOT show up to someone’s gathering knowing that others bring food, wine, etc and you bring nothing. If she’s broke as you think she might be, she should have a discussion with the host and let them know while she can’t bring something expensive, she’ll always bring something and she’ll contribute what she can for the food.

Thinking she’s owed food and wine just because she attends is ridiculous and others thinking you don’t have the right to say that leftovers go to people who actually paid for it is doormat behavior. If they want to give her THEIR leftovers, feel free. Looks like you may have solved the issue though if she stopped attending.. bye Betsy!