AITAH for refusing to discuss my NC sister with my mom after she pressured me to reconcile, despite knowing she’s unwell?

A Reddit user shared a difficult situation where their mother pressured them to reconcile with their estranged sister, despite the user having been no-contact with her for two years. The mother, who is unwell, guilt-tripped the user into reconsidering their boundaries, causing a heated argument.

The user then refused to discuss their sister with their mom, even after the confrontation. Read the full story below to see how the tension between family members unfolded.

‘ AITAH for refusing to discuss my NC sister with my mom after she pressured me to reconcile, despite knowing she’s unwell?’

I (43F) have been no-contact (NC) with my toxic sister (39F) for two years. My mom (who is unwell) has always *claimed* to understand and respect this, though she’s made comments in the past hinting at reconciliation. Whenever she did, I would remind her of my reasons for the boundaries and she would say she understood and left it alone.

Last week, my sister emailed asking to see my kids while she’s in town this week. I did not respond, and don’t plan to. Yesterday, my mom escalated things by pressuring me to respond and agree to letting my sister see my kids.

That was a hard “no” from me. My mom then started criticizing my NC boundary, saying I was not setting a good example to my kids, and that I was “being harsh” and “holding a grudge” by using my kids to punish my sister. She then guilt-tripped me by saying my sister “has it hardest” and needs help.

She even brought up her own d**th, implying I’m being unfair to *her* by not reconciling. This led to our first-ever fight, where I said I didn’t want a relationship with her if she was going to parrot my sister’s views. This made her cry.

To preserve our relationship, I told her we need to avoid discussing my sister. This morning, I apologized for my poor reaction but held firm to my boundary. AITA for refusing to discuss my sister with my mom, even though she’s unwell?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Ecchcc −  NTA, you should continue drawing your line and refuse to discuss your sister with your mom, as you are 100% right that she wants to force you to take on the roll of your sister’s keeper.

I do think it might be useful to realize that when your mom looks at your sister she doesn’t see an adult, she still sees the child she once was. Moms often respond to their children’s needs, rather than what wonderful things their children do for them.

You should not give your mom an inch, and she is utterly wrong to pressure you, but it might be at least slightly comforting to realize it is happening precisely because you are a well rounded responsible adult she knows she can rely on.

fiestafan73 −  I just want to point out that you are not using your kids to punish your sister, she is using them to get past your boundaries. NTA.

Curraghboy1 −  Nta, your mother is wrong. You are being a great parent by teaching your kids that they don’t have to keep toxic people in their lives because FaMiLy.

Sea_Firefighter_4598 −  NTA. You have children and won’t be adding your sister to that number when your mom passes. You need to tell your mom to make other plans for your sister cause it won’t be you taking the hit.

WaryScientist −  NTA – You’re teaching your kids that they’re not obligated or beholden to toxic people by holding firm.. Good on you.

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  The sad thing is that your are your mom’s maid and she’s the daughter who she loves. Unless she is a wonderful mom, you should quit the good daughter act. This lady don’t give a damn about you, she only care about what you do for her. 

CapricornCrude −  Why are you even receiving communications from the sister? Block everything from her. Email, phone, text, social media. Don’t let your Mom play the sick card. Because if it weren’t that, she’d probably play a different one.. NTA

BeeJackson −  You aren’t wrong at all. You not only have to protect yourself, but also your children. Unfortunately you might need to go LC with your mother so she learns that she’s risking your support when she sided with your sister. Chances are your sister is testing your boundaries to see if she can get in and reek havoc. Stay strong!

Careless-Image-885 −  NTA. Protect your peace.

Infinite_Deal2878 −  Good for you!! I told my Mom that the only news I want to hear of my sister is that she’s dead. Otherwise, don’t waste your breath.

Was the user in the wrong for refusing to discuss their sister with their mom, or was it necessary to protect their boundaries? How would you navigate family dynamics when it involves maintaining distance from a toxic relative? Share your thoughts below!