aitah for refusing to cook thanksgiving according to my sisters dietary restrictions and then telling her not to come?

A Redditor shares a tense family conflict about Thanksgiving dinner. After their sister’s last-minute demands to make the entire meal vegan caused tension and confusion, OP uninvited her from the event. Now they’re left wondering if they were too harsh. Read the full story below!

‘ aitah for refusing to cook thanksgiving according to my sisters dietary restrictions and then telling her not to come?’

I was in charge of thanksgiving this year, because I am in culinary school and wanted to put my skills to the test. I was handling the big dishes, like turkey and mashed potatoes, and delegated smaller things, like desserts and yams, to other family members.

My sister (23) called me (26) 2 days before thanksgiving and said that she assumed I was already planning on it, but wanted to make sure I was doing all the dishes vegan. She has recently become vegan, so this is the first thanksgiving she hasn’t eaten animal products.

I told her that no, I am not planning on changing ingredients in any of my dishes to make them vegan, but that there’s are already a lot of dishes that are vegan anyways, and she is welcome to bring anything vegan thing she wants if she’s worried about not being able to eat anything.

She got really upset and said that I should change all the recipes to accommodate her, because it’s simple swaps like using vegan cheese in the mac. I told her since we have a lot of family coming, who are not vegan and not used to vegan swaps, they might not like the food and might think it tastes off, so it was better to make classic dishes. Plus, there’s no way to do things like turkey vegan.

She got even more mad, and pointed out how no one cared when she served only vegan food at her birthday, and how a few years ago when my brothers celiac girlfriend came, we had gluten free mac and cheese.

I told her that no one cared at her birthday because it was a day exclusively centered around her, so it made sense she got to pick the menu, and pointed out that my brothers girlfriend made her own mac to share, and that we had regular mac anyways, and repointed out how i was fine with her bringing whatever she wanted anyways.

She then hung up the call, and said she would bring some of her own dishes and whatnot. i figured that was the end of that. Later that day, she went into our family’s shared note where everyone signed up to bring a dish, and privately texted all the family members saying I wanted her to let them know to make their dishes vegan.

I only found out because my aunt texted me asking if it was fine to use honey in the rolls, and I asked why it wouldn’t be. She then showed me the text my sister had sent her about the rolls needing to be vegan. I angrily told my sister not to come to thanksgiving. She didn’t show up.

Now, it’s a few days past, and I feel really bad. I feel like maybe I should’ve found a better compromise. A lot of my family is saying I should’ve just accommodated her, so, AITAH?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

your-yogurt −  NTA. forget the vegan stuff, your sister decided to lie to the *entire* family to get her way, putting words in *your* mouth. that alone is very much not-okay

FaraSha_Au −  NTA. Sis isn’t as concerned about being a vegan as she is about getting her way. Honestly, I wouldn’t feel guilty, as she LIED to everyone.

EfficientSociety73 −  NTA. Your sister went behind your back to try to get everything done HER way. If but meant that much to her, she should have had her own Vegan meal. You can’t tell everyone what to do and how to eat because you have a preference. If she had celiac like brothers gf, fine.

You can work around that. And you said she could bring whatever vegan dishes she wanted so what is the issue? Oh, right! She wouldn’t be the center of attention and if she couldn’t come to dinner and pout like a toddler then she would stay home and get attention that way instead.

SushiGuacDNA −  NTA. Your sister is trying to **control** the whole family. That makes her an a**hole. When a vegan shows up, it is polite if you can accommodate them by having something they can eat. But I don’t see it even as a requirement, because vegan can actually be pretty tricky.

Like you aunt asked, is honey allowed? You’ll get different answers. Yeast? You’ll get different answers. Many dishes cannot be easily converted without serious vegan cooking skills. So vegans ought to expect to bring their own food if necessary.

But requesting that everyone change a **traditional** meal to meet her requirements is a complete a**hole move. And then texting about a request “**from you**” is a double-a**hole move. She was not only (1) lying, but (2) lying in a way that put everyone else out, and made everyone else, and (3) making it look like the blame was on you. Okay then, triple-a**hole move.

Far-Artichoke5849 −  I’d have told her not to come too. You pointed out there’s already some vegan dishes and she can bring her own, that’s more then enough of a compromise

shammy_dammy −  NTA. Good on you for rescinding her invite. Don’t feel bad, you can’t find a better compromise with someone who isn’t looking for a compromise at all.

Mother_Search3350 −  NTAH. Your sister is an entitled b**t and a l**r.  She literally lied to the entire family and pretended that it was your decision 2 days before Thanksgiving making you look inconsiderate to the invited guests. You have nothing to feel bad about.. That little b**t needed to be put in her place with her nut bake roast whatever concoction. 

Leifang666 −  NTA I’m vegetarian, I don’t expect my family to serve entirely vegetarian meals and that’s far easier than vegan. As long as there is enough to call a meal, or a warning to bring food, I’m fine.

carolinecrane −  I’m vegan. You can’t spring vegan ‘cheese’ on normies. It’s not going to go over well. That said, there’s a lot of ‘bad vegan’ posts going around post-holiday, so I’m assuming this is just more rage bait.

Piraat22 −  NTA, bro. Your sis was outta line trying to pull a fast one on the fam like that. You offered her to bring her own vegan dishes, which is fair. She can’t expect everyone to switch to vegan just coz she did. Thanksgiving ain’t about one person, it’s about everyone coming together and enjoying. Lol, maybe next time she should host a fully vegan Thanksgiving at her place and see how many show up.

Do you think OP should have adjusted the menu to accommodate their sister’s dietary restrictions, or were they justified in sticking to traditional recipes for the rest of the family? How would you handle a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!