AITAH for refusing to bring the turkey to someone else’s Thanksgiving?

A Reddit user found themselves at the center of holiday drama when the traditional Thanksgiving hosts in their friend group asked them to bring the turkey instead. The hosts, who seemed reluctant to take on the responsibility this year, assigned themselves minimal dishes and asked the Redditor to provide the Thanksgiving centerpiece.

When they declined, offering to bring another appetizer instead, the hosts became upset. Now, the Redditor wonders if they were wrong to refuse. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to bring the turkey to someone else’s Thanksgiving? ‘

My extended family and friends have a long-standing tradition where we split up hosting holiday events. My spouse and I have Christmas, one set of friends has Easter, another set has Thanksgiving, and so on.

This year, the Thanksgiving people started seeming like they didn’t really want to do it, and I say that because they asked a few other people in the group if they wanted it (everyone said no). Cut to a few days ago, in the friends/ family group chat.

The Thanksgiving people started planning out who was bringing what food (because, of course, it’s a potluck), and they assigned themselves “vegan turkey, asparagus, and pie.” Side note: they are only “vegans” for health and convenience reasons,

and only when it suits them, like when they don’t like the food being served, or in this case, because “vegan turkey” is something they can get at Whole Foods that isn’t hard to make or clean up. They know no one will eat vegan turkey but them. The pie will not be vegan.

This seems like a clear “we don’t want to host Thanksgiving” sign to me. ANYHOW, we all signed up for our respective dishes, then the host asked if my spouse and I would want to “bring the turkey.”

There was a long awkward pause with no replies, then I replied that we could not, but that we would bring another appetizer if that would help. No reply, and now it seems like the host is mad.

I am honestly so tempted to just reply into the group text “It is customary for the host of Thanksgiving to make the turkey” or to ask her if she’d rather everyone just do their own thing this year,but it seems like she is intent on making me the a**hole who won’t bring the turkey.
Seriously. What is going on here? Am I at fault?

Check out how the community responded:

StrangePhilosopher87 −  Speaking as a Brit who only knows about Thanksgiving from TV and Movies, NTA. Even I know that the turkey is the centrepiece of the meal, and likely to be the most expensive element and should therefore be the responsibility of the host.

cloistered_around −  Stop reading so much into it. First, you’re right that traditionally the host supplies that. Second, you politely turned it down and offered to bring something else–so who cares if they haven’t responded?

They were being a little tacky, they can be quiet about that all they want. NTA But stop agonizing over what they’re thinking atm.

Fantastic_Ad7370 −  NTA. You’re hosting Christmas so why are they asking you? Sounds annoying like they could’ve let everyone know one months earlier they didn’t want to do Thanksgiving.

Seems like they want to be apart of the group without actually having responsibilities. They seem rude and I would call them out in the group chat.

VinylHighway −  NTA – your friend is being cheap and lazy

Not-a-Cranky-Panda −  No one said it had to be cooked or even dead, you could have some fun with this…..”Well the Turkey is called Sid & he’s 100% vegan, no where does he sit?”.

Anxious_Ad2683 −  This is where everyone eats the vegan turkey….Because they are planning for it to feed 2…day of I’m eating 7 servings of that vegan turkey even if I’m just drowning it in some kind of sauce 😂 NTA. Don’t bring a turkey. Who cares what they think

SilentJoe1986 −  NTA. Dude, at this point I would just stay home and have a meal with your nuclear family. Those vibes sound like a bad time when the host doesn’t want to host

EchosVeil −  NTA, and it seems like they’re just trying to offload the main responsibility onto you. If they didn’t want to host, they should’ve said so earlier. You politely declined, which is totally fair. Maybe suggest everyone do their own thing this year if it gets too awkward.

busyshrew −  It \*is\* the custom that the host of a potluck should provide the ‘backbone’ main dish OP. So if your friends and the hosts are expecting someone else to do that, it’s a little lazy on their part. Kinda shirking the traditional duties as you mentioned.

Vegan vs animal turkey aside – they asked, you politely declined, and made a very reasonable counter offer. The hosts shouldn’t be miffed that nobody else is interested in cooking a bird.

Sounds like you will all be having vegan turkey as your main, and that’s fine! My husband hates turkey but still enjoys turkey dinner anyway, because he looooves the sides: mashed potatoes & gravy, sweet potatoes, mash turnip, green beans, stuffing, cranberry sauce…. plus appetizers plus dessert, it’s a feast!. NTA.

njdevil956 −  NTA if you’re gonna cook a turkey u should just chill at home

Was the Redditor justified in standing their ground, or should they have stepped up for the sake of tradition? How do you think holiday hosting duties should be divided among friends and family? Share your thoughts and Thanksgiving experiences in the comments below!