AITAH for refusing my parents their grandchildren cause they k**led my cat?

Family can be our greatest support—or our biggest challenge—especially when it comes to setting boundaries. In this story, a 26-year-old woman details the heartbreaking loss of her beloved indoor cat, Kylo, at the hands of her own parents. Despite explicit instructions to keep Kylo indoors, her parents’ casual attitude and disregard for her wishes led to a tragic accident. This loss was more than just the death of a pet; it symbolized a profound breach of trust and respect within her family.

As she mourned the untimely loss of Kylo, she was forced to confront a painful truth: if her parents couldn’t honor a simple request for the safety of her pet, how could they be trusted with her most precious responsibility—her future children? In an effort to protect her family’s well-being, she decided to bar her parents from babysitting her grandchildren, sparking a heated debate about whether she was in the wrong for such a drastic decision.

‘AITAH for refusing my parents their grandchildren cause they k**led my cat?’

I (26f) moved to a new state about a year ago to live with my husband (24m). When we were moving me down, I had a cat named Kylo. Cutest little tuxedo cat with the personality to follow. I had to house Kylo with my parents until my husband and I can afford to bring him home.

I had had a few cats pass away from being outdoor cats; Shy from a hit and run, Ashlee from a n**ty neighbour poisoning her, and Pumpkin running away. When I dropped Kylo off to my parents, I explicitly told them to keep Kylo inside and that he was strictly an indoor cat.

They agreed when I initially dropped them off, but after moving down, I’d get messages saying “oh but he’s curious.. he just wants to see” (side note, my parents own 3 dogs and keep the back door open full time) I constantly told them “no, kylo is an indoor cat.. keep him inside”.

I begged and begged them to respect my decision with my cat and I had thought they had… I received a phone call from my father saying that Kylo was hit by a car and killed today (Sep 17th, 2023). In the midsts of sobbing and yelling at my dad, “I TOLD YOU TO KEEP HIM INSIDE!!” my dad said “oh stop… it’s just a cat” so I promptly hung up on him and immediately called my best friend (26f).

After a good cry and a stern talking, my husband and I decided to keep my parents from watching their grandchildren without us there, no matter the circumstances. If they can’t respect my one wish with my cat, what is to say they will respect my wishes with my children. So AITAH for not allowing my parents the chance to babysit their grandchildren.

When personal boundaries are repeatedly violated, the impact can extend far beyond material losses. Dr. Linda Michaels, a family therapist, explains that “trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and when that trust is broken, it can trigger a cascade of emotional repercussions.”

In this case, the explicit instruction to keep Kylo indoors was a reasonable and responsible request aimed at protecting a cherished pet. The parents’ casual dismissal of that request—and the subsequent tragic outcome—underscores a broader pattern of neglect and disrespect.

Experts assert that when such breaches occur, it is not only a legal or financial matter but also a deep emotional wound that can affect future family dynamics. The decision to restrict her parents’ access to her future children is seen as a proactive measure to safeguard her own household from potential further disregard and carelessness.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit community has been divided on this issue. Many sympathize with the poster’s loss and agree that her parents’ failure to respect clear instructions warrants serious consequences. They see her decision to withhold babysitting privileges as a necessary step to protect her future children.

Others, however, feel that the reaction may be too severe, arguing that accidents happen and that a more forgiving approach might have been possible. The debate centers on whether a single act of negligence should permanently alter family dynamics, with opinions ranging from staunch support to cautious concern over long-term familial rifts.

Effective-Several −  NTA. Your sentence said it all: **If they can’t respect my one wish with my cat, what is to say they will respect my wishes with my children.** What if your children have allergies or are intolerant of certain foods? The old, *”Oh, but he/she/they were curious”,* they just wanted a taste (of a forbidden food item), won’t work a second time.

Laquila −  NTA. When you have your kids, you get to decide who watches them, supervised or not. You are not obligated to allow your parents to have your kids without you there. Even if they hadn’t been so grossly irresponsible and so damn cold about your cat. Don’t start life as a parent thinking your parents have any rights or say in anything. What *you* say goes. Always. So sorry about your precious Kylo. That’s gotta hurt so bad. All the best.

dyn4m0_pwr5 −  “Your child ran off. Don’t worry, you can make another” is the attitude they seem to have. NTA. Some pets mean most of all things to some people

MembershipParking963 −  I’m seeing a lot of people misunderstanding something. My husband and I aren’t refusing my parents all contact with our kids… we are refusing UNSUPERVISED contact. We lost our first born prematurely last year and they both ghosted me and refused to talk to me on top of exploiting my dead son for a GoFundMe I never asked for, making my traumatic experience everyone’s business…

Then they decide to ignore everything I’ve been saying about my cat which in turn got him killed. My parents WILL NEVER be ALONE with our children.
I appreciate all the support and all the hugs from everyone who has been understanding. ❤️❤️❤️

For those who have said rude and mean things to me, not only do I hope your socks are wet, but I couldn’t add every little detail to what FULLY lead up to this decision. Learn to be nicer and more gentle with people. Thanks 🫠

hdmx539 −  NTA. Your mother isn’t entitled to your children just because she’s their grandmother, it’s a *privilege* to be a grandparent. She lost that privilege.

dinkidoo7693 −  I hate people who say “it’s only a cat” that was your family member and you trusted them to keep him safe which they didn’t do. My heartbreaks for you.

futuremrstrevornoah −  My dad “hates cats” (he really doesn’t and he’s such a great guy), and he would spoil my cat to the end of the earth if I needed to leave her with him. He would be JUST as concerned about taking care of my cat as I am.

THAT’S what loving, caring parents do. If it matters to you *it matters to them*. End of story. Your parents showed how little they respect you, your wishes, and your needs. If I were you, I would never leave my children with them unsupervised as well. *Edit to include the official: NTA*

-BOOST- −  I think your logic is ok. My only question is why you left your cat there in the first place when you knew they keep a door open 24/7 for their dogs. Seems like this is more a case of them not helicopter parenting a cat instead of intentionally killing your pet.

elle_hell −  People in the comments contradicting themselves. “Your cat is your responsibility, you’re the ah.” Like ok, so maybe OP has learned that if it’s not safe for a cat it’s not safe for a kid. A cat is a lot easier to manage than a kid and they couldn’t do it. So now op IS taking responsibility of her kids by keeping them safe. She’s not punishing her parents. She’s protecting her kids. NTA and I’m very sorry about your cat.

JoeDelta14 −  NTA – The fact that they called you and tried to change your mind on letting the cat outside is actually pretty telling. They will decide how and what to do, regardless of your wishes and instructions because they think they know better and don’t respect your choices. It’s probably because you’re their child they they think they know better.

Don’t want your kids to have sugar late in the day, sorry but grandparents know best. Don’t want them playing on their screens, sorry grandparents think you’re being ridiculous. Even if they don’t agree with you, they would honor your choices if they respected you. When watching your children they are always going to do what they want regardless of your expressed instructions.

This incident raises important questions about where we draw the line between protecting our loved ones and maintaining family bonds. Is it fair to permanently bar family from participating in future milestones simply because of one tragic mistake? Or do we risk setting a precedent that could further fracture familial relationships?

The poster’s decision reflects a deep-seated need for accountability and respect—a sentiment many can relate to when trust is broken. What do you think? Should boundaries be as rigid as they sometimes need to be, or is there room for forgiveness even in the wake of loss? Share your thoughts and experiences below.