AITAH for refusing help from my parents to look after their grandchild?

A new mom shares her experience of asking her parents for help with her 3-month-old baby. Despite agreeing to watch the baby at her home so she could rest, her parents took the baby to their house without properly informing her, even driving without a car seat. Now struggling with trust and anxiety, the mom has decided to pause asking for their help, which has hurt their feelings. She wonders if she’s overreacting. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing help from my parents to look after their grandchild?’

INTRO: First time mom here (30F). Husband works away from home for a few months, so I’m on my own for now. Our baby is 3 months old. Lately the lack of sleep has been catching up with me and I told my mom I’m not feeling well to say the least and I should probably get couple of hours extra sleep.

I have never asked for any help from anyone until now so it was hard for me to finally cave in and admit I need it now. It’s also hard to even think about leaving my baby with someone else.

So when my mom offered to sit with him for a few hours, I agreed but it would be best if he stayed at home where I was sleeping, so I don’t feel anxious and can actually fall asleep. She agreed. They went outside to have a walk (we have a pretty big property).

When I woke up two hours later, it was already getting dark, no one was inside the house so I went outside looking for them as I also saw the stroller wasn’t inside. After 5 min looking for them and realizing they’re not there, my eyes welled up and I started panicking, ran after my phone and called my mom (thankfully she picked up).

Apparently she decided it was best for me they went to her house so they don’t make noise and disturb my sleep. My dad picked them up. With no car seat might I add… Although it’s only 5 min drive, but still anything can happen. My mom actually left a note but she put it in a really s**tty place so I didn’t see it and it didn’t save me from panicking.

When I went to them I wasn’t angry, I appreciated the help and the thought behind their actions but I also explained why it wasn’t best solution for me or my son. They didn’t agree and still think they were right to do what they did and they know what I need best…

So because of this I am struggling even more to ask for help and leave my baby with them. It will take time for me to stop stressing and overthinking and fully trust them again. I explained this to them as I can’t be sure what else they could be doing opposite of what we previously agreed to and they feel very hurt saying I’m hormonal and don’t understand what’s best for me.

I agree on being hormonal but that doesn’t undo what they did. Actually I expected them to be a bit more understanding of my anxieties but it is what it is. So AITAH for not asking for/refusing help with their grandchild anymore for some time? Am I overreacting?

FYI: I would never restrict them visiting us and I will still take my son to visit them.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Chi-lan-tro −  NTA – but your parents sure are! It was WRONG of them to remove your infant from your home without your knowledge. It was SUPER-WRONG for them to take your infant in a car, without a car seat.

They didn’t HELP you at all! Sure you slept, but then you had a huge panic and so the net benefit to you was zero. Adding in the loss of trust? They’re in the hole. AND THEY’RE NOT EVRN SORRY!! (I’m so angry on your behalf right now!)

Can you have a mother’s helper come over and spend time IN YOUR HOUSE with the baby, so you can have a nap? Can you outsource anything else (cooking/cleaning) so you can sleep when the baby sleeps?

Affectionate_Big8239 −  Anyone who drives with a baby in the car with no car seat would lose unsupervised access to my kid. That shows terrible judgment on their part. NTA

sp1ffm1ff −  NTA. Definitely a r/justnoMIL act here. They’ve broken your trust and IMO, I would think long and hard about ever leaving your child unsupervised with them again. They’ve shown they don’t respect your authority as the baby’s parent. What a stupid excuse “best for you”.. and to double down and say you don’t understand what’s best for yourself?!! WTF

Competitive-Proof410 −  NTA I’m a single parent to a 1 month old. My dad will watch her while I have a nap. It wouldn’t occur to him to take her outside. If she cries consistently I’ll come out to see if she needs feeding or check on her. Not because I don’t trust him, but because she’s mine and I want to check her.

SweetBekki −  NTA your mother had no intention of doing as she’s told.. she only agreed to babysit at your place until you let your guard down then when you’re not looking she took your baby back to her place like she originally planned.. – What is your relationship like with your in laws? Will they help?

Special_Respond7372 −  You’re NTA. They stomped all over your boundaries because “they knew better”. They were unsafe in transporting your child which to me means they put them in danger. I wouldn’t trust them to babysit either. I’d hire someone to come to your house for a couple hours so you can nap instead asking them again. They’d be in time out, babysitting wise.

WhereWeretheAdults −  *They didn’t agree and still think they were right to do what they did and they know what I need best…* And that right there is why you lost trust as soon as she did what she did. You know they will do what they want to because “They know best.” Not their child, not their decisions. Role of grandma is to support, not to decide.. NTA

plantprinses −  Uhm, isn’t that kidnapping? Removing a child from it’s parent without prior consent? Doesn’t matter if the perpetrator is family or not. It shows you that your mother feels that she has any say over your child. She hasn’t. It’s your child, you are the parent, you get to call the shots.

Driving a child without a proper seat is something that could get your child killed in an accident and also could get your father fined. Plus it can paint you as a negligent parent even if you didn’t know what your parents did. It’s your child, it’s your responsibility and you’re accountable for what happens to her.

Your parents tell you you’re hormonal and don’t understand what’s best for you, but that not necessarily true, you know. Even if you’re hormonal, as long as your child is safe with you, they should b**t unless specifically asked. Yes they are your parents, but you’re a mother now, just like your mother. You’re on equal terms: you’re not a child.

Auntie-Mam69 −  What your mother did was a complete betrayal. Statistically, 52% of car accidents occur within five miles of home, 69% within ten miles. It’s not just what she did—it’s also that she and your father defended it when you called them out.

Babies ride in car seats or they do not ride in cars at all—and never when a mother or father has said no to it. You said no, your parents scoffed at you. What’s their next trick going to be to show you how they think it should be done versus what you know is safe for your child?

merishore25 −  NTA. Taking your child without telling you and then going without a car seat is way over the top. I feel for you. I can’t imagine anyone doing g that.

Was the mom justified in pausing her parents’ involvement after they disregarded her instructions, or should she be more forgiving given their intention to help? How would you handle the situation? Share your thoughts below!