AITAH for refusing help from my parents to look after their grandchild?

Family help is supposed to be a blessing, especially when you’re a new parent struggling with sleep deprivation. In this story, a 30-year-old first-time mom recounts her recent experience with her own parents while her husband is away. With her 3‑month‑old baby and mounting exhaustion, she finally conceded to ask for help—something she’s never done before.

Her mother offered to watch her baby, with the agreement that he would stay at home so she could get extra sleep. However, things didn’t go as planned, and what should have been a simple act of support turned into a situation that left her feeling betrayed and anxious.

When she woke up two hours later to find her home empty and her baby’s stroller missing, panic set in. Her mother had taken him to her own house, claiming it was better not to disturb her sleep. Although she appreciated the thought behind the gesture, she explained that it was not what they had agreed upon.

Now, feeling deeply unsettled and lacking trust in her parents’ ability to respect her boundaries, she has decided she won’t be accepting their help with her child for the foreseeable future. But is she overreacting?

‘ AITAH for refusing help from my parents to look after their grandchild?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a parent is forced to rely on others for childcare, especially during vulnerable times like postpartum exhaustion, the expectation is that agreements are respected to provide a sense of security. When those agreements are breached, it can significantly erode trust.”

Dr. Markham continues, “It’s not just about the physical safety of the child; it’s about the emotional well-being of the parent. In cases like this, the disruption of agreed-upon plans, such as keeping the baby at home during the parent’s sleep, can trigger intense feelings of anxiety and betrayal.”

Similarly, relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Family support is critical, but it must be delivered in a way that honors the boundaries set by the person in need. If those boundaries are not respected, it can lead to long-term resentment and a reluctance to seek help in the future.”

He adds, “In this case, the miscommunication and unilateral decision-making by the parents have created a significant barrier to trust. While the intention behind their actions might have been to protect the child or reduce noise, the failure to communicate properly has instead caused emotional distress. A more measured approach, such as notifying the mother or establishing clear pickup procedures, would have been more appropriate.”

Both experts agree that while the parents likely had good intentions, the breach of agreement—and the consequent emotional fallout—justifies the mother’s decision to withhold further assistance until trust can be rebuilt. They suggest that addressing these issues through family counseling could help mend the rift, but the immediate decision to refuse further help is understandable given her current emotional state.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Several redditors expressed support for her decision. One user commented, “If your parents can’t stick to a simple agreement when it comes to your baby, you’re well within your rights to protect your peace of mind. Trust is everything, especially for a new mom trying to recover.”

Another group shared personal experiences, with one commenter stating, “I’ve had family help go sideways before, and it left me feeling more stressed than supported. Your decision to take a break from their ‘help’ until you feel safe is completely valid.”

Ultimately, your decision to refuse further help from your parents with your grandchild is not an overreaction—it’s a necessary step to protect your own emotional well-being. When agreed-upon boundaries are breached, especially in matters as crucial as childcare during your vulnerable state, it’s understandable to withhold help until trust is restored. This situation raises an important question: How do we balance the need for family support with the necessity of clear, respectful boundaries?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation where a breach of agreement left you feeling unsafe and betrayed? Have you ever had to withdraw support from loved ones to protect your peace of mind? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate the delicate balance between accepting help and maintaining personal boundaries.