AITAH for pointing out that none of my in-laws went to university?

A Reddit user celebrated a major milestone as the first woman in her family to graduate from university, overcoming immense personal hardships.

However, a family dinner turned tense when her brother-in-law dismissed her achievement, prompting her to clap back about his own failed university attempt and point out that none of her in-laws had earned degrees. This led to backlash and a family conflict. Read the full story below to see how it unfolded.

‘ AITAH for pointing out that none of my in-laws went to university?’

About a month ago, I (24F) took my final exam at university, marking a huge milestone in my life. I’m the first woman in my family to achieve this, and it wasn’t an easy journey—I faced significant hardships along the way, including homelessness, domestic violence, and the loss of family members.

Despite everything, I graduated with honors and earned the highest grades in my class, which made me really proud. Last night, my partner’s (27M) parents hosted a big family gathering.

While we were all at the dinner table, his cousin—who I get along well with—asked how it felt to be done and congratulated me on my achievement. I told him I felt proud and relieved that it was finally over.

That’s when my brother-in-law chimed in with a dismissive comment, saying something along the lines of, “It’s not that big of an achievement; people do it all the time.” His mom and a few others agreed, adding their own comments about how it’s not hard to finish a degree.

This brother-in-law has a history of putting me down, calling me “dumb” and other names, which my partner has addressed with him before. Ironically, he had once attended university himself but was kicked out for failing all his classes in the first year.

Usually, I ignore his remarks, but this one caught me off guard, and I responded without my usual filter: “Then how come you got kicked out?” His mom immediately told me my comment was inappropriate and rude.

She went on to say that just because he didn’t finish his degree doesn’t mean he’s wrong. I replied, “Well, if it’s so easy, why hasn’t a single one of you earned a degree?” Some family members, including my partner and the cousin, backed me up, but his mom was furious and asked me to leave.

This morning, I woke up to messages from family members. Some agreed with me, saying I had a point but could have been nicer. Others, including his mom, felt my comments were uncalled for and said I had no right to humiliate my brother-in-law.. So, AITAH?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

New-Comment2668 −  NTA and well done! He has straight up showed he can dish it out but he sure as hell can’t take it. If he doesn’t want to be humiliated, he should learn to keep his snarky comments to himself.

[Reddit User] −  you’re a f**king QUEEN!! absolutely nta. too bad i can’t buy you a celebratory glass of wine! you deserve it girl!

pigandpom −  NTA. Not in the least. They tried to diminish something you worked hard to achieve. And you’re absolutely right, if it is so easy, why have none of them done it.

S**t, if it’s so easy, why hasn’t your BIL got multiple degrees. Your MIL clearly didn’t like the fact her golden child is actually cheap gold plate, and her other son has married a woman who has eclipsed her gold plate boy.

Illustrious_Name_842 −  NTA. You were defending yourself.

[Reddit User] −  I’m sorry you are such a badass. I love how you stood up for yourself like that. 

Excellent-Highway884 −  You should text back “No your son embarrassed himself by trying to put me down and it backfired. His words and your words were not only uncalled for but extremely disrespectful.

I doubt I will receive a full apology from either of you as I am smart enough to know some battles you just can’t win. At least I gain comfort knowing that the intelligent family members who have supported me through this sees you and your son for who you truly are: BULLIES.

Ones of which don’t like their own medicine. Have a wonderful day. Much love.” It will no doubt cause more drama but at least you can have a good laugh at her outrage and imagine her face turning a nice shade of purple while steam is spewing out of her ears.

NTA. She’s going to be one hell of a monster-in-law. I just wonder how long before your partner cuts her off and goes no contact with her.. Ooops forgot to add….. CONGRATULATIONS!

danurc −  NTA, you did a great job defending yourself, tbh. Plus: what crawled up their asses and died?? Even if it “was easy to get a university degree”, in what world are you not still allowed to be proud and celebrate???

WhiteKnightPrimal −  NTA. BILs comment was inappropriate, rude and dismissive. You just matched energy while standing up for yourself and being completely honest. This family don’t have any degrees, BIL literally failed all his classes early on, they either don’t know how hard or easy it is or found it far too hard.

Your BIL clearly found it far too hard to get a degree, or he wouldn’t have failed out. If they didn’t want a truthful and likely hurtful retort from you, they shouldn’t act like your accomplishment means nothing, and they should have nipped their son’s idiocy a long time ago.

Congrats on the degree, by the way, especially with everything you went through while getting it. Advanced study is hard at the best of times, and you went through some of the worst times while doing it. It makes your accomplishment even greater.

CrimsonFennix −  Did she explain why it was ok for BIL to humiliate you?

squabb_ −  Good for you. There is no reason you have to take that. And yes it is hard to get a degree and I’m glad you pointed out. If it was so easy why didn’t they do it cuz they’re not smart enough stand up for yourself. You got a shiny backbone

Was the Redditor right to stand up for herself and her achievement, or should she have handled her response more tactfully? How would you address dismissive comments about personal accomplishments at a family gathering? Share your thoughts below!