AITAH for only paying my own meal?
The OP met up with her group of friends for their monthly dinner, where one friend, Sarah, invited her sister Kelly, a single mother, along with Kelly’s four kids. Kelly ordered a significant amount of food for herself and the kids and then expected everyone to split the bill equally among the adults, despite the disproportionate cost.
When OP refused and pointed out that Kelly’s choices weren’t reasonable, Kelly claimed financial hardship, which led to an awkward situation where Sarah paid for Kelly’s bill. Now Sarah is upset with OP for “mom-shaming” Kelly, and OP wonders if she handled it poorly.
‘ AITAH for only paying my own meal?’
Expert Opinions:
Financial Boundaries in Group Settings
Financial advisor Suze Orman stresses in Women & Money: “Splitting bills equally only works when consumption is roughly equal. OP was right to object—fairness matters, especially when unplanned guests inflate costs.”
Parental Responsibility and Social Etiquette
Parenting coach Dr. Laura Markham notes: “Kelly’s expectation that others subsidize her children’s meals reflects entitlement. Bringing kids to an adult-focused event without prior agreement shifts the burden unfairly.”
The “Single Mom Card” and Societal Pressures
Sociologist Dr. Jessica Calarco, author of Negotiating Opportunities, explains: “Kelly’s guilt-tripping weaponizes societal sympathy for single moms. OP’s retort, while harsh, highlights a truth: financial choices have consequences.”
Solutions Proposed by Experts:
- Set Clear Expectations: Agree on payment terms before dining, especially if guests bring children.
- Offer Grace Tactfully: Instead of public criticism, OP could’ve privately addressed Sarah or asked the server for separate checks upfront.
- Avoid Judgment: Framing the issue as “kids vs. adults” rather than Kelly’s life choices might have reduced defensiveness.
See what others had to share with OP:
A quick glance at Reddit comments shows a mix of opinions. Some argue that everyone should only pay for what they consumed, while others believe that in close friendships, compromise is sometimes necessary during the holidays. Many point out that using the “single mum card” to shift financial responsibility isn’t fair to those who have their own families and budgets. This diversity of views leaves the debate open: Is it reasonable to stand by your principles, or should you sometimes bend for the sake of group harmony?
What do you think? Should friends strictly split costs based on individual orders, or is there room for compromise when emotions and family circumstances come into play? The situation in this AITA post raises important questions about fairness, boundaries, and the expectations we place on each other during social gatherings. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—let’s discuss how best to balance empathy with fairness.