AITAH for only paying for one of my daughter’s weddings and downpayment?

A Reddit user shared their dilemma after deciding to financially support their eldest daughter with her wedding and down payment, but not offering the same to their younger daughter. The eldest had faced significant sacrifices growing up, while the younger siblings received substantial college funds. Now, the younger daughter feels slighted, and the family is torn over how to move forward. Read the full story below to explore the complexities of fairness, gratitude, and entitlement within this family dynamic.

‘ AITAH for only paying for one of my daughter’s weddings and downpayment?’

So, I (50m) have three kids: Sarah (35f), Jessica (25f), and Ben (23m). My wife and I had Sarah when we were both sixteen. It wasn’t easy, but with both our parents’ support, we could finish college while we raised her. When it was time for her to go to college, we didn’t have the money to help her. So she took out loans and paid for them herself. We learned from our mistakes and started saving for her siblings Jessica and Ben, who got around a 100k college fund and had no debt.

Through all of this, Sarah never complained. She finished her education, got a fantastic job, and could repay the loans in just three years while staying with us to save as much as possible. She has also helped us a lot with babysitting her younger siblings and has always been selfless and helped out in any way she could, maybe even to a fault.

So when she told me five years ago she was getting married, I talked to my wife and told her how bad I felt we never did anything for her and that I wanted to give her the inheritance I got from my grandmother, which was around 50k, to help pay for her wedding and downpayment on the house. Luckily, my wife agreed, and even though she didn’t really need it, I know it meant a lot to her.

The issue is this: Jessica is getting married next year and had assumed we would plan a similar gift for her. She was quite surprised when I told her that we never discussed such plans, and even if we wanted to, we didn’t have the budget for it.

She told us it wasn’t fair that we paid for her sister but would not do the same for her. I tried to explain the situation, telling her that in the long run, we spend twice as much on her and her brother as we ever did on Sarah. However, she insisted that Sarah was already well off, noting that Sarah and her husband had paid off their house and were doing extremely well financially.

I told her that this had nothing to do with how much money her sister had; this was us finally being able to do something for our oldest child, who had to sacrifice so much because we had her at such a young age. She didn’t take it well, left angry, and won’t speak to us.

My wife thinks we should maybe take out a small loan and give her the money because she isn’t used to not talking to her kids and is sad she is being left out of the wedding preparations. She is even afraid of us not getting invited to the wedding. But I have put my foot down and won’t budge because she is not entitled to our money.

Now even Sarah is saying that this is getting out of hand and even offered to help pay half the money. But personally, I’m at a point where I’d rather burn the 50k than give it to her. Sarah and my wife think that this is not worth destroying our family over, but I think that giving in will only make her more entitled in the long run.

Check out how the community responded:

TarzanKitty −  NTA. One child got a funded education and one child got a wedding. I think college girl is probably an entitled b**t because she got the higher ticket item.

piperreggie11 −  NTA. Sarah sounds like an incredible daughter for even offering to help give her younger, spoiled sister money that she’s not entitled to. You did something right there at least.

teresajs −  NTA. Do NOT borrow money to help Jessica.  Jessica got $100k for college and Sarah got $50k for her wedding and house.  If anyone is owed any money, it’s Sarah who’s still $50k behind her siblings. If Jessica wants a wedding she can’t afford, she needs to borrow money from a bank, not you.

Mother_Search3350 −  NTAH.. You raised an entitled little monster in your youngest daughter. She is selfish and entitled and your wife wants to keep enabling her entitlement by taking out a loan because she is throwing a tantrum.

Your wife is TAH for even thinking about taking out that loan. Her sister is well off despite the fact that you gave her ZERO support to get her where she is in life. She paid for her own college, paid off her own home, and is doing well on her own. Your entitled little b**t could learn a thing or two from her older sister about paying her own way in life.  If she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to pay for her own damned wedding .

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. Offer Jessica to pay you back for her education and then she gets the wedding money. At 25yo, she’s old enough to understand her sister missed out earlier, she’s just hoping to get even more.

Far-Juggernaut8880 −  Tell Jessica that you paid for her education while Sarah took out loans and that Sarah’s wedding was cheaper than her education.. NTA.

OwnLime3744 −  Tell Jessica her college fund was a loan. She will get a $50k wedding fund when she repays her college loan.

CJCreggsGoldfish −  Maybe your wife’s indulgence of your youngest is why she’s so entitled.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. Tell Jessica she’s already gotten that money as a college payment.

Witty_Pasty_lover −  Yep what you got there is a spoiled baby girl who can’t do math evidently. Sounds like she needs to struggle a little bit like Sarah did to become a decent human being. And you’re disappointed in her plain and simple. I was almost disappointed in you as I was reading.

I kept thinking instead of saving $200,000 for the other kids why isn’t he putting some of that money towards Sarah’s loans right now as you get it every month. But you made up for it by giving Sarah some of the money. Now don’t ruin it by giving in and paying for the wedding.