AITAH for not wanting to hold off on proposing to my boyfriend because it will upset my single sister?
A 25-year-old woman is ready to propose to her boyfriend of three years, but her parents have asked her to hold off because her older sister (29) is single and might be upset. The sister has long wanted to get married, and the parents fear she will feel hurt if her younger sister gets engaged and married first.
Despite being financially stable and having lived with her boyfriend for a year, the woman is now facing immense pressure from both sides of her family to delay the proposal. She is struggling with whether proceeding would make her selfish or if her family’s request is unreasonable.
‘ AITAH for not wanting to hold off on proposing to my boyfriend because it will upset my single sister?’
I’m want to propose to my boyfriend. When I told my parents they said they were happy for me. However they asked me to hold off. My sister is single. It’s no secret she wants to be married though. I know she has social media accounts like pinterest full of wedding things.
My parents say she’ll be upset if I get engaged when she’s not even in a relationship and that I’m married first because I’m younger. She’s 29 and she’ll be turning 30 around the time I’d be getting married if I go through with my plan to propose.
I actually asked them how it is supposed to work and how long I have to hold off when she’s not even in a relationship. Neither my mom, dad, stepdad and stepmom could answer that. I know she’ll be upset. I don’t believe I should just not propose to him to avoid upsetting her though.
They aren’t using my sister as an excuse because they don’t like my boyfriend. She will be very upset and they do like him. I’m asking if AITAH because I’m getting so much pressure and arguing. I honestly want to know. They weren’t happy when I said I don’t want to hold off.
I was honestly shocked they are asking this of me and that both my mom/stepdad and dad/stepmom said the same thing even though I told them separately and they didn’t talk to each other about it first. Am I wrong for feeling like what they’re asking is insanity and for saying I don’t want to hold off? My boyfriend and I are both 25.
We’ve been together for three years and have lived together for one. We’re employed and financially independent. So it’s not like it’s too early in the relationship or we aren’t established yet. I feel like it’s time for the next step.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
KatieGMB − NTA. I think it’s very unfair of them to ask you to put your life on hold. How long do they want you to wait? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? It’s also very hypocritical of them to disregard ***your*** feelings and how this request hurts ***you***.
At the end of the day, while she is your sister, her emotions are not your responsibility, and neither are the feelings of the rest of your family members.
Best of luck to you. May I ask how you plan to propose? 🙂
whatever181 − NTA. No one should put off their life for someone else.
tester33333 − Tell your 4 parents to divorce—it’s not fair for them to be married while she’s single!
monkerry − Please ignore them. Your sister will be upset whenever it happens.its insane to cater to her petulant mindset. It’s up to her to decide how she reacts ,as you said she’s almost 30 too old to be throwing tantrums because something she wants didn’t happen the way she wanted. Go enjoy your relationship and let the cards fall where they may.
Low-Will7278 − NTA…PROPOSE! Your mom and sister, and the rest of them sound like wack jobs if she’s planning her wedding for a while. Don’t put your life on hold for no one….congratulations on your new fiancé
ConvivialKat − NTA. Never, EVER put off your own life because others tell you that you should. Every day is a gift. Do the most with it. It’s easy for them to say this to you because, guess what? They are married and happy. They didn’t wait for some imaginary event to occur before they got married.
You are not responsible for your sister’s happiness or unhappiness. Live your life, OP.
[Reddit User] − Nta – for crying out loud, your sister is obviously their “golden child”. Do you want a big wedding or is it just more important to be married? Because if the big ceremony/party is NOT important, then maybe just elope. It’s not fair to have to put your life on hold because your sister will “be upset”. This is just wrong.
hazelnuddy − NTA. What they’re asking of you is insane. What’s next? Don’t get pregnant until your sister gets pregnant? This your life, her life is hers. If she’s depressed because you’re getting married first then she needs to seek therapy to find out why her happiness relies solely on being in a relationship.
Dancing_Nancy381 − NTA. It’s categorically unfair and unreasonable for anyone to expect you to put your life on hold because of someone else’s hang ups. Where does it end? You can’t get married because she’s not married. If/when she gets married, do you then have to wait to have a child so she gets to have the first grandchild?
F**k all of that noise. You do you. Your family can cope.
AspectFearless7808 − 😂😂what? I’d have laughed in their faces and proposed right away. This is crazy
Is it unfair for her to move forward with her plans despite the risk of upsetting her sister? Or are her parents placing unnecessary expectations on her? Should personal happiness be delayed for the sake of family dynamics? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
