AITAH for not wanting to be involved in my ex’s kid’s life?

A Reddit user (35M) recently ended a two-year relationship with his ex, Elena (33F), after discovering she was cheating on him. Elena has a 9-year-old son, and though the user cared for the boy during the relationship, he didn’t assume a parental role.

After the breakup, Elena began asking him to babysit, claiming her son missed him and even guilt-tripping him for wanting a clean break. Now, the user is conflicted about whether he’s wrong for not wanting to remain involved in her son’s life. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for not wanting to be involved in my ex’s kid’s life?’

I (M, 35) was dating Elena (F, 33) for two years when I found out she was cheating on me with one of the dads from her son’s hockey practice. Elena has a 9-year-old son. After finding out, I broke up with her and asked her to move out. Eventually, she moved out.

A week later, she showed up at my door asking if I could watch her son because she couldn’t find anyone else. I thought it was a one-time thing, so I agreed. We played video games, and I cooked him dinner. Then she texted me, thanking me and saying her son missed me so much and that it was great for him to hang out.

Now she keeps dropping him off. Last time, I told her I couldn’t be her babysitter. I want a clean break and a fresh start. She called me heartless and mean, saying I’m the only “dad” her son knows (he never called me dad, nor did I expect him to). She keeps guilt-tripping me, accusing me of abandoning her child and punishing him because I’m a “petty, sad man.” Am I the a**hole here? Is it wrong to ghost her and her kid?

Added : things with her AP didn’t work out as he was married and the wife found out.

Update: I texted her and said, “I’m done with you. I can’t watch your kid anymore. Bye forever,” and then I blocked her. An hour later, I started getting messages from people asking, “Why don’t you leave this woman alone, you stalker c**ep?” I was shocked!! what the hell?

Apparently, she told everyone that I’m stalking her, begging her to get back together, and using her kid to get close to her. I responded to anyone messaging me by sending them a screenshot of my actual text. I’m done justifying myself—this woman is insane!

What was I thinking, trying to get back into the dating scene after my wife’s tragic passing? For six years, I was single, and life was peaceful. I’m gonna contact my therapist again. I need him more than ever now after this disastrous experience.

 

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

clotterycumpy −  The audacity. NTA definitely. Ghost them and cut off all contact. 

chadohawk −  NTA. You gonna babysit forever while she’s getting pucks shot in her net?

Lyzab77 −  NTA. It was a 2 years relationship and her son is 9. So you’re probably not a paternal figure but more like a cool grow up friend. She cheated on you : she sees the consequences of her actions. So she is the one punishing her son. Not you. How do you know that everytime she dropped her son to your place, it wasn’t to spend time with a man ?

Capital-Literature-9 −  In what universe would you be the AH?

ForwardPlenty −  It is truly a sad situation, but your ex has nobody to blame but herself. I do feel bad for the kid, but she is trying to use the kid to backdoor a relationship that she blew up with her infidelity. You are NTA for wanting a fresh start, and she was totally wrong for fostering a relationship with her kid that ties you together.

707808909808707 −  1. I “asked” her to move out.
2. She “eventually” moved out.
3. I thought it was a one time thing so I agreed. 4. Now she keeps dropping him off.

Brother, she’s been walking all over you and you keep allowing it. She should have been out of your house that same night. And you should have no contact with her. Why does she even have the ability to speak to you? You don’t have anything to tie you down. She was just a girlfriend. I can see why she decided to cheat; she probably calculated that she had a good chance to b**ly you into staying and/or taking care of her kid from what I’m gathering.

WaryScientist −  NTA – if I were you, I would babysit one more time and have a talk with her son. Explain that he has done absolutely nothing wrong, but because his mother and you aren’t together, you won’t be seeing him anymore.

To be clear, you don’t owe them anything… it would just be an act of kindness to explain to the son so he didn’t wonder… and more importantly, he hears from you that it’s not his fault (I’m betting his mother will say awful things about you intending to make you look bad that just ends up hurting her son).

Peruvian4452 −  That’s why our dads told us “never date a single mom” why don’t we listen to our dads?

Hi_Im_Dadbot −  NTA. It’s not your kid and if she wanted you to be his father, she shouldn’t have banged someone else. It sucks for the child, but that’s her problem to deal with, not hers.

smittydonny −  Free babysitting is hard to find!