AITAH for not tipping after overhearing what my waitress said about me?

A Reddit user shared a story about a recent restaurant experience that left her feeling conflicted. After overhearing a rude, racist comment from her waitress, she chose not to leave a tip. Initially, service was poor, but it improved once her boyfriend and his mother (who are white) joined the table.

The waitress’s bias became clear, leading the Redditor to withhold the tip as a stand against the behavior. However, her boyfriend’s mom thought she should have tipped to “show character.” Read the full story below to decide if she handled it well or if she should have taken a different approach.

‘ AITAH for not tipping after overhearing what my waitress said about me?’

I (30 F) was at a restaurant last night with my mother. She was meeting my boyfriends mom for the first time. We’re punctual people, so we got there about 30 minutes before our reservation. We got seated with no issues. It took the waitress 20 minutes to get to our table even though the restaurant was pretty empty.

Right away I could tell the she didn’t want to wait on us. She didn’t great us with a “hello,” she just asked what we wanted to drink. We told her, and I noticed that she didn’t write our order down. It took another 15 minutes for our drinks to get to our table, and they were wrong.

It’s hard to mess up a gingerale and a vodka soda, but she did. My mom pointed out that she didn’t order a pepsi, and the waitress rolled her eyes, took my mother’s glass and disappeared. I excused myself to use the washroom shortly after.

I had no idea where I was going, so I went to the entrance to ask one of the hostesses there. While I was walking up to the server area, I overheard my waitress talking to some other hostesses. She was pissed that she had to wait on “a black table” because “they” never tip well.

My mother and I were the only black people in the restaurant. She wasn’t even whispering when she said it either. I wasn’t stunned, but her lack of effort started to make sense. I interrupted their conversation, and I asked where the bathroom was. I didn’t let on that I had heard what they were talking about.

When I got out of the bathroom, my boyfriend and his mom were already seated. My boyfriend and his mother are white. When my waitress saw the rest of our party, she did a 180. Her service was stellar. She took notes, told jokes, and our water glasses were always filled. She didn’t make another mistake.

Because the night went so well, I decided to treat everyone and pay the check. She gave me the machine, and I smiled at her while I keyed in “0%” for a tip. She didn’t notice until after the receipt had been printed out. By that time, all of us had already started to leave.

She tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I had made a mistake on the bill. I told her I didn’t think so, and looked at the receipt. She asked if there was a problem with her service, and I said her service was fantastic, but since I was a black woman, I don’t tip well.

Her face went white, and she kind of laughed nervously, and I laughed as well. I walked out after that, but my boyfriends mom asked what had happened.

I told her what I had overheard, and my boyfriend’s mom said that I should’ve tipped her anyway because it shows character. She seemed pretty pissed at me after that. My boyfriend and my mom are both on my side, but I’m wondering if I should’ve just thrown in a $2 tip?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Lmaooowit −  NTA. I definitely wouldn’t have tipped after that. Even the waitress knew it was bad when she asked why and you told her the reason. No way should someone tip after that.

jeanabanina −  Honestly, she needs to learn that lesson the hard way – be kind to people, don’t stereotype and discriminate, and don’t talk badly behind peoples back. You’re not TAH, she is TAH.

Top_Airport6285 −  Nah, you pulled a discreet, classy power move on that r**ist, mate. I think you did it perfectly. WTH is bf’s mother thinking trying to lecture you about it? What would she know about it?

ellaf21 −  NTA. I worked as a server for six years and I would absolutely not expect a tip for behaving like this to customers. She probably does not make much in tips, and this industry isn’t for her. It’s so inappropriate to ask people why they didn’t tip you, this is so embarrassing.

Healthy-Magician-502 −  Shows character? What character, that you’re a doormat who can be walked over? Your boyfriend’s mom sounds kind of stupid.

88eth −  Nah, no tip is fine. Actually you should leave a negative review too naming her, maybe asked for her boss. Thats racism.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. This was perfect. You did not cause a scene yet made her perfectly aware of the consequences of her racism. This was an incredible teaching moment that hopefully made an impact on a diseased mind.

I hope she felt a deep shame that will make her reflect and question herself. If it were me and I liked the restaurant I’d ask for a different section and tip extra well the next time, lol.

OceanBreeze_123 −  NTA and I’m pretty pissed at the bf’s mom who thought rewarding a r**ist would be a sign of character. Screams volumes about herself. Your response to waitress was superb. 

[Reddit User] −  NTA. She should be thanking you for not reporting her and getting her ass fired.

El_Rompido −  While you’re 100% NTA… what the f**k is the deal with arriving 30 minutes early? That’s absolutely mental behaviour.

Was it fair for the Reddit user to withhold a tip in response to the waitress’s comments, or would leaving a small tip have been a better choice? How would you handle overhearing a server’s biased remarks? Share your thoughts and reactions below!