AITAH for not telling my wife I’m taking random days off here and there?

A Reddit user is questioning if they were in the wrong for taking random days off from work without telling their wife. They’ve been at their job for 10 years and have plenty of paid time off (PTO), but their wife only has 17 days.

He likes to take “me time” and do things like play video games and hang out with friends, but when he informs his wife, she often finds reasons for him to help with family chores or childcare. Last week, he decided to take a day off without informing her, and she was upset when she found out. To read the full story, continue below…

‘ AITAH for not telling my wife I’m taking random days off here and there?’

I’ve been at my job for 10 years and have 30 PTO days a year + holidays. My wife only has 17 PTO days + holidays. I try to take some days off randomly to do “me stuff” since I have extra days I can’t spend with her. But every time I tell my wife I’m taking a day off something magically happens to ruin my day.

A sniffle that we would have normally sent our kid to school with all of a sudden becomes “well you’re home you can stay with him”. Or a myriad of other things that just magically pop up. “Help my mom with X”. “Do XYZ chore” that happens to take 6 hours.

Last week a took a day off and didn’t tell her. I played video games for 4 hours, met a friend for lunch, and took a nap. She was all pissy when she found out. AITAH for not telling her I took a PTO day to veg?.

Edit: What a response. Too much to reply to everyone, but I would just posit this to those who are YTA’ng me for being a lazy schmuck: If I wasn’t pulling my weight and being some sort of lazy POS around the house, why would me being off change that and all of a sudden make me go into chore mode?

Check out how the community responded:

Gangrene_Greg −  This is just like that Malcolm in the middle episode.

Uropa_Hoppenstedt −  I don’t think secrecy is the best way. Tell her when you take a day off and set boundaries. Don’t let your wife volunteer you to help her mom etc. it’s not your fault you got more pto, but it will be your fault if you don’t communicate with her properly – NTA.

CaptainMahvelous −  My husband used to schedule things on my days off. It was always something super inconvenient, early morning, long errands, waiting for the service tech to arrive between 8am-noon, etc. He does not do this anymore, but only because I sat him down and used my words. I totally get your frustration. NTA.

lika_86 −  Does your wife ever get to use her PTO days for a ‘her day’? Or does she always end up doing stuff for or with your family on those days?

SocksAndPi −  Does she get to just veg out on her PTO, like you want to do with yours, or are hers spent doing family s**t (like chores, helping other family, etc.)?

sysdmn −  The foundation of a good relationship is good communication. If you are having trouble communicating that this is important to you, work on that in your relationship, don’t find shortcuts and communicate less.

cpsmasher −  I’d say it’s a mix. On her days off is she stuck trying to do all the errands and to complete stuff for the house not enjoying her day off while you do whatever you want? I’m sure there’s a reason why she gets pissy about you taking a day off and “vegging out”. Take two days off at a time. Let your wife know you’re taking the time off, say I will put aside time on whichever day to do whatever needs to be done and I plan on vegging out on the other day.

Personally, when my partner takes a day off and doesn’t do anything it’s irritating to me, bc on my days off I literally have about five minutes to myself, while on his days off he can spend endless hours enjoying his time off… so if the situation is anything like that then I’d say you’re the AH.

thanksbutnothanks200 −  Every day, I am so grateful for my husband. That’s all I will say.

HeySadBoy1 −  INFO: how often does your wife get to use her PTO days just for herself?

vectordot −  are you sure this is sabotage or are there just constantly things that need to be done as a part of being alive that your wife is keeping track of that you don’t? Who would manage these chores if you had not done them?