AITAH for not telling my stepmom that my dad is cheating with the nanny?
You (16F) caught your father (45) cheating on your stepmom (30) with the 19-year-old live-in nanny. Your stepmom has been abusive toward you, calling you hurtful names and imposing unfair rules. You’ve been working a babysitting job to save money to move out when you turn 18, and you’re reluctant to tell your stepmom about the affair because it could result in losing your job and being forced to babysit your half-siblings for free again. You’re considering keeping quiet to protect yourself but feel conflicted about whether you owe her the truth.
AITAH for not telling my stepmom that my dad is cheating with the nanny?
I(f16) live with my dad(45), my stepmom(30), and my half siblings(9&4).
A few months ago my dad hired a live-in nanny(19) to help my stepmom around the house. The nanny (let’s call her B) is like 7 months pregnant, and her kid will live here too after she gives birth. She met my parents at church when she moved here and told them that she was widowed when her husband died on his mission.
A few weeks ago I came home from work and found my dad and B making out on the couch. I saw them through the back sliding door before I came inside and just went around and used the front door so I’m pretty sure they don’t know that I saw them.
I don’t know for sure how long this has been going on but I think for a while. It definitely explained a lot of odd things, like my dad changing his schedule to “spend more time at home” but it was always while my stepmom was out and it was just B and the kids.
I kind of feel like a j*rk because…I don’t care. And I don’t really feel obligated to tell my stepmom, even though I know it’s the right thing to do.
A big part of it is that my stepmom is so n*sty to me all of the time. She calls me “the meth baby” to my face (my biomom is an addict and lost custody when I was 6) she makes a ton of random rules about what I can eat or wear or read or listen to hat I have to follow or else she’ll tell my dad I was being “disrespectful” even if she didn’t tell me about the rules until after I broke them and until dad hired B she made me babysit her kids for free constantly.
That is my other s*lfish reason for not wanting to say anything. I have a babysitting job now where I make $15/h, and I’m doing way less work than I ever did because the kids I babysit aren’t being raised up to be brats like hers are, and they don’t repeat all the n*sty stuff she says behind my back right back to my face.
I am saving up my money so I can move out as soon as I’m 18, and if I’m stuck at home watching my siblings all the time I won’t be able to do that. Maybe if she had been kinder to me I would have told her, since I definitely don’t care about my dad either way, but honestly I am just done with both of them. I even thought about blackmailing my dad to get him to pay for an apartment for me until I’m 18 but I think that would definitely put me in the wrong.
If my stepmom finds out about the affair, my dad will probably just fire B and I’ll have to babysit for free again. He has dumped at least one girlfriend he had a couple years ago in order to stay with stepmom- she knows he’s a cheat but she’s too religious to ever get a divorce, and she’s too comfortable living the rich sahm lifestyle where someone else raises her kids and does all of the housework.
Tl;dr, I know my dad is cheating on my stepmonster with the au pair and I think she’s gonna have his kid soon, should I tell my stepmom even though it means I will probably have to give up my job to watch her kids? Or am I in the clear if I just pretend I don’t know what’s going on and try to keep my head down until graduation
Edit- yeah I am not buying B’s whole widow story. I am sure her baby is the newest addition to my dad’s gaggle of bastards (myself included in that category). I think my stepmom probably already knows on some level and is repressing it in that “keep sweet” way that they do.
B is nice enough. I think she’s just kind of dumb and sheltered and I feel bad for her because I’m sure my dad promised her the moon and now she’s stuck waiting on his wife hand and foot. But it’s not my problem. She isn’t going to listen to some heathen about how to live her life.
The majority of advice here has been that I’m not the a*shole and to just keep my head down, so that’s what I’m going to do. I just hope I’m not around when it all blows up.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Mynameisntkaii says:
NTA. In my opinion its basic Karma on your step-monster. she’s rude, treats you like crap and if she wanted respect she should give it to you as well. You’re working your ass off and you shouldn’t have to give that up for people you hardly care about. keep you’re head down and work. I wish the best for you
Mountain_Monitor_262 says:
NTA- Your dad has a pattern of picking up 18/19 year old girls, including your SM and having affairs with them and knocks them up to trap them. So he is continuing the cycle and brought in his next affair partner disguised as a nanny.
Your safety is more important since you are getting close to that age range too. He may start having creepy conversations with you. Have a bank account and some money saved up. You need to get away when you turn 18.
Pebbi says:
Stepmom married a guy fifteen years her senior, at 20 years old. (As it seems unlikely the brother was born out of wedlock given the church element). The dad likes grooming young women, the stepmom got too old, B is the new model. Its just gross, but I think OP should just look after themselves at this point.
9smalltowngirl says:
NTA keep your head down and keep saving. You got 2 years to go. I only see it ending badly for you either way. Stepmom will accuse you of lying blah, blah want you kicked out or just make your life hell. Dad if he finds out you know may kick you out to keep AP and marriage in tact. Sounds like they are both crappy people so stay quiet and try to stay under the radar.
Parking-Tap-7149 says:
Teens and young adults in general are easier to control. Especially in this situation if she is pregnant and she has no support from family. If this is OP’s father’s baby she could also be ousted from her church, if anyone finds out.
askashleythatsme8 says:
Don’t listen to this, don’t b*ackmail your dad, great way to get yourself killed. Keep your head down, mouth shut, when your close to 18 have some money stashed and all your important documents ready to go, then dip.There’s a great book called “ Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Adults”, might not hurt to check it out.
Le-Deek-Supreme says:
That is why I said he IS NOT a p*dophile, but he IS a p*edator. Because he wasn’t f*cking a six year old (at least that we know of), but he is definitely seeking out younger, likely naive women who are still technically teens. That is why I used two different words, as they do not mean the exact same thing, but are similar, so I was defining the the difference. How can anyone begin to think I said they were the same thing?
Apathetic_Villainess says:
Tell extended family and friends in that community why you’re going NC at 18. That guarantees a blow-up. Because even if they’re not on your side, they’ll be upset that this could potentially come out in the community.
You are NTA. It’s understandable to prioritize your well-being over revealing your father’s affair, especially given your stepmom’s toxic behavior toward you. Protecting yourself and focusing on your future is a valid choice. Since your stepmom may already suspect the affair but chooses to remain in the marriage for her own reasons, staying out of it and working toward your goal of independence seems like the best course of action.