AITAH for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby?

A woman running her own business is being pressured by her pregnant sister-in-law (SIL) to take off two months of work to care for the baby, home, and dogs after the SIL’s scheduled c-section. Despite having her partner present, the SIL insists she needs this extra help.

The poster can’t afford to shut down her business and board her pets for such a long period, yet the SIL keeps crying and saying they’ll lose their car and home without assistance. Is she wrong for refusing to drop everything to help? Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for not taking off work to help my SIL with her baby?’

My (30F) SIL (33F) is currently pregnant. She’s having her baby some time in April or may- she’s been vague about it and sends my hubby ultrasounds anywhere from a day to a month after so we don’t know the actual timeline.

SIL has a condition that makes it so she will 100% NEED a c-section. She’ll need help while she recovers- with the baby, herself, AND her 2 dogs.. She also lives in another state. The father is in the picture, he lives with her.

She is very insistent that I go to help. Because of the distance as well as a lot of differences, we don’t really talk. We’re not friends, but we’re civil. She keeps throwing “hormonal” fits about me refusing to take off of work for 2 months to go help her.

I have bills to pay- I run my own business and it doesn’t run without me, I don’t get PTO. On top of shutting down my business, my hubby doesn’t have time with his work schedule to care for my pets (I say MY pets because they all pre-date our marriage) so I’d have to board them for 2 months.

Otherwise, the dogs would be left home alone for 12-13 hours a day while he works. He’s also not comfortable feeding some of the other animals. I’ve done the math- at the CHEAPEST boarding facility that isn’t absolute garbage, it’d cost about $300 a day. (So $18,300 total)

The specific things she wants me to help with are: cooking, cleaning, going to the store for anything that’s needed, caring for the baby so she can heal- including all diapers and bottle feeding. There’s also the care of her 2 dogs- walks, feeding, grooming, and an hour training session for each dog daily.

I know the first question will be “where’s baby daddy?” He lives with her. They’re very much together. But his work doesn’t give paid leave. She hasn’t been at her job long enough to have maternity leave either- she’s using sick leave. They used up all their PTO and savings to go to one of the Taylor Swift concerts out of town.

The only reason I’m even questioning if I’m the a**hole is because she keeps crying and screaming at my hubby that without help, they won’t be able to afford their car payments or their rent. I wouldn’t lose my car or house over it and, while it’d drain me, I could afford it. (Hubby and I keep finances separate- I owned my house before we met)

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

empresscharm052 −  GIRL, NTA! Your SIL is being crazy! It’s not your job to raise her baby or pay her bills. She and her partner need to figure it out. Don’t feel guilty for saying no – you have your own life and business to run! If she keeps guilt-tripping you, just ignore it. You’re not responsible for their bad choices. Stay strong! (And maybe suggest they learn how to budget before having another kid…)

Maleficent_Pay_4154 −  NTA where are her parents if she needs some slaves to come running for 2 months.

Lalunajefe −  Ummmm this is a ridiculous request. It will drain you but you won’t lose your house or car?????? Did you actually type that and think it’s okay? Yikes 😳 you need to get her parents or baby daddy’s family to step up.

Kragg_hack −  NTA. This is beyond what anyone could demand even if it was your own sister. Either her parents or his parents could help a little with this if they can and want, but a SIL? You should not feel any responsibility.

dadamaildrop −  Her baby, her responsibility. You have your own life and bills. Her lack of planning is not your emergency.

TarzanKitty −  NTA. If you give up your income. Then, you won’t be able to afford your bills. If she was expecting you to be her live in, unpaid servant for 2 months. She should have consulted you before she chose to give birth.

Honestly, I have had 3 sections. They aren’t that bad. She will be fine caring for the baby and her husband can manage the house and the dogs. They can stock their freezer with meals to get through the first couple of weeks. If she needs anything while her husband is at work. It is 2024.

She can have anything she needs delivered in about an hour. If you want to be super generous and helpful. You can get her a couple of housekeeping visits and send a Door Dash gift card.

Kyra_Heiker −  I wonder why she has no friends or family willing to help her. It’s a puzzler… You should have never bothered to figure out the math, you just say you can’t afford the time or the money.. NTA

pixie-ann −  NTA this is one of the nuttiest things I’ve seen written here. She expects you to drop your whole life for two months, not just lose money by not working but also incur costs? This is insane. Say no. It sounds like she wants you to be her unpaid cook, cleaner, nanny etc and it’ll be awful. This is crazy. Don’t even entertain the idea. You’ll regret it in so many ways.

TheLastWord63 −  How come your husband hasn’t shut her down?

SadFlatworm1436 −  His work doesn’t give paid leave – your work doesn’t give paid leave ..but it’s his child so it’s his responsibility . No way on earth you’re on the hook to become her nursemaid. She needs a reality check and you need to tell your husband to shut this down now before she decides it’s confirmed. NTA

Is it unreasonable for someone to decline a huge favor that could jeopardize their livelihood? Or does family come first, no matter the cost? What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts below!