AITAH for not taking my fiancé’s kid to trick or treating and went to a Halloween party instead?

A Redditor faced backlash after choosing to attend a work Halloween party over taking her fiancé’s son trick-or-treating. She made arrangements with a friend to ensure the child still enjoyed Halloween night, but her fiancé’s ex lashed out, accusing her of neglecting her step-parent responsibilities for the sake of “partying.” Read the full story below to see if she was truly in the wrong.

‘ AITAH for not taking my fiancé’s kid to trick or treating and went to a Halloween party instead?’

I (F, 29) is engaged to my fiancé (M, 35) . My fiancé has a 7-year-old son from a previous relationship, they tried to make it work for the sake of the baby. She eventually left him when their son was 2, and I met my fiancé about a year later.

His ex can be very difficult, and my fiancé avoids confrontation because he’s terrified of losing time with his son; she constantly threatens to take him to court again and “make him pay for it.” It took years of court battles for him to even get 50/50 custody.

Anyway, his son (his ex doesn’t like me to refer to him as “step-son” or “son,” only by his first name) was with us last night. He was supposed to go trick-or-treating with his dad.

I had a Halloween fundraiser party for work that I had to attend, as I was the emcee, so I couldn’t just cancel last minute. My coworkers and I were also doing a group costume (Golden Girls – I’m tall, so I was Dorothy), so there was no way to back out.

My fiancé texted me saying he had to stay longer at work because his boss required it. I told him I couldn’t take his son trick-or-treating and asked what I should do. He never replied.

I then reached out to his ex, explaining, “I know it’s not your time, but could you do us a huge favor and take him trick-or-treating? I really can’t miss this work event.” She said no, stating, “It’s his time, he should figure something out,” and added that she had plans with her new boyfriend and his kids (9 and 11 year olds) .

Next, I texted my best friend, who has three kids around my fiancé’s son’s age, to see if she could help. Her kids have had playdates with him before when he was with us. She said it wouldn’t be a problem, so she picked him up, and I headed to the party. My fiancé later picked him up from her house, and his son told him he had a great time trick-or-treating with the other kids.

My friend posted a photo of the kids trick-or-treating and tagged me and my fiancé. My fiancé commented, thanking her and her husband for “saving the day.” Meanwhile, my coworkers tagged me in posts from the company event.

My fiancé’s ex then lost it. She posted online, accusing us of being s**fish and caring more about work than spending time with his son, claiming that I prioritized “partying and drinking ” over being there for him.

She even stole one of my tagged photos, saying that if I cared more about partying than taking care of a child, I wasn’t ready to be a stepmother or mother. All the comments on her post sided with her, saying I should have canceled because it was “just a party.” My fiancé told me I did the right thing and that we should just ignore her. But was it a s**fish move on my part?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Con4America −  NTA but WHY is she able to see anything from your social media accounts? That is dumb on your part. Block her from everything.

Sweet-Interview5620 −  I’d be commenting on the post. “You told me I would never be his step mother or any sort of parental figure to him. You can’t change your mind now to try and make me look bad when you made clear he is not my responsibility and he is here to be with his dad only and not me.

Let’s once again make it clear this was a work event that was important for me to attend it wasn’t just a knees up. Sorry if abiding by your rules now somehow makes you mad your given me whiplash.

Ladyughsalot1 −  I get work emergencies happen but dude just stopped responding with no plan in place for basically every kid’s favourite night of the year?? Okay…. NTA but I have a feeling your guy is messier than you’re seeing. 

ReaderReacting −  You did just fine. Fiancé is an asshat for ditching you with no plan. Ex is ridiculous as she is accusing you without knowing the facts, while she prioritizes a new bf and his kids over her own son. Do you have a wedding date set? Why can’t you refer to the child as your step son?

AdWaste3417 −  You made it possible for this kid to have a fun Halloween with other children he likes! She could have prioritized her own literal son, and you did a better job of caring about his happiness than she did! NTA.

WavesnMountains −  NTA the mom isn’t the problem, your fiance is. He fucked you over. He doesn’t want you to have the title, but he sure wants you to have the responsibility. He doesn’t want to advocate for himself at work to be there for his kid, but he pressured you to take off time from work for his kid.

When both of you had to work, it wasn’t him acting like a father and finding a solution, he left alllllll that labor to you. He’s a s**t partner and a s**t father. You’re seeing a preview of your life with him, with you suffering from the short end of the stick

Successful_Moment_91 −  Why didn’t OP address her fiance completely dropping the ball on his son and dumping the problem totally on her? He never responded so what would have happened if OP didn’t fix his problem? He needs a plan B that doesn’t involve her.

It’s great that OP quickly found a solution but she had plans first and his behavior is unacceptable and he should have left work unless he’s a surgeon or other type of emergency services professional.

The ex is a rotten piece of work too (she was already taking her new boyfriend’s kids out and how much trouble to include one more kid, her own??!!) but it was the father’s responsibility. I hope OP is prepared to always be more responsible for his son because he won’t.

YolieTheZombieKiller −  NTA….but your doing wife duties as only a girlfriend (fiancée). That’s his child and his problem….yeah it happen to work out how you handled the situation but it’s still HIS duty as the child’s father to have figured out his child’s situation for Halloween. Your boyfriend/fiancé should have left work early regardless of what their boss “required” of them 🤷🏽‍♀️

Obviously, the real mom is an AH and ditched her own kid for her new boyfriends kids which was s**tty behavior. Remember your place in this relationship, you are not that child’s stepmother and you’re not that man’s wife to be doing so many extra “wife” duties and stressing yourself out…that’s how us ladies get manipulated by these men to take some of their responsibilities (their kids) off their plate and they don’t have to parent.

ElectricBasket6 −  NTA/ but it sounds to me like this is not a healthy relationship for you. Your fiancé expects you to act as a step-mom while his ex is claiming you never will be.

Your fiancé seems very comfortable with throwing you under the bus (Ie expecting you to handle his childcare arrangements when he’s stuck at work; asking you to unblock ex on SM so she can harass you-not him; avoiding confrontation with her at your emotional cost- *and this is all in one story!*) when it’s better for him.

Imo if you aren’t step-mom you shouldn’t even be communicating with ex or ever alone with fiancés son. I think you need to set some boundaries around how you will be treated and how much “last minute” helping you’ll do for fiancé. I personally wouldn’t be ok with an arrangement like that but if you can make it work for yourself that’s fine.

EggplantIll4927 −  Why are you allowing the ex, who is not nice, to make you feel bad? Dad got stuck at work, you had a work obligation and kiddo wanted candy. You did what you could.

In truth? This is on your fiancé. He should have told his boss no, my kid is waiting on me and that’s more important than anything else tonight. That’s what he should have done. You aren’t his stepmother. You are his dad’s fiancée. But not a stepmother. That requires a legal title.

As to the bio mom? I would reply once to say we offered you to take him trick or treating but you declined. We handled it and kiddo had a blast. I don’t see the problem.

The. Block her. You need to step out and let the oarents handle everything. And he needs to stop bowing to her. He has 50/50. That ain’t changing unless there is a serious issue. Candy ain’t it.