AITAH for not paying my gf roommates’ rent?

Navigating shared living situations in a blended household can be complicated, especially when financial responsibilities aren’t clearly defined. I (19F) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (19F) for a year and a half. About six months ago, she moved into an apartment with a group of her friends, while I live about an hour away and only visit on weekends. Though I never stay longer than two days at their place, I always pitch in by doing dishes and helping with cleaning as a way of saying thanks.

Recently, things took a turn when one of her friends, let’s call her M, brought her boyfriend E into the mix without asking. Now, as M and E are about to move out, a dispute over the last electric bill has escalated into a request for me to cover half of the total rent for the days I’m there. My girlfriend argues that since I only stay four days a month, I shouldn’t be held responsible like someone who lives there full-time. Am I the asshole for refusing to pay?

‘AITAH for not paying my gf roommates’ rent?’

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family and relationship boundaries, explains, “In shared living environments, it’s critical that everyone’s contributions are evaluated fairly. When someone only occupies a space for a few days a month, it is reasonable for them not to be responsible for full financial contributions like rent or utilities.

It’s important for all parties to have clear, upfront agreements regarding shared expenses. In this case, your consistent pattern of short visits, combined with your independent living arrangement for school, justifies your stance.”

She continues, “While family and partner expectations can sometimes blur financial responsibilities, this situation reflects a common issue in blended households. Open, honest communication is key to resolving these matters. It might be beneficial for you and your girlfriend to sit down with the roommates to establish a fair method for splitting expenses based on actual occupancy. Such transparency can prevent future conflicts and ensure that each person pays their fair share.”

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Disagreements over money are among the most challenging in any shared living situation. Your reaction appears to be based on a reasonable assessment of your minimal usage of the space compared to someone who lives there full-time.

It is vital for couples to negotiate these financial boundaries together and communicate them clearly to all roommates. Setting clear expectations prevents misunderstandings and helps maintain harmony. In your case, standing by your principles is justified, though a compromise might have mitigated the tension.”

Both experts agree that your position is understandable. However, they emphasize the need for a mediated conversation with your girlfriend and her roommates to clearly define each person’s responsibilities. Establishing a fair formula based on occupancy could help resolve these conflicts and prevent future financial disputes.

Check out how the community responded:

Several redditors supported your stance, with one user noting, “If you only stay a few days a month, why should you pay the full cost of living expenses? It’s a matter of fair division of costs. Your refusal is completely justified.”

Another commenter stated, “I’ve been in shared living situations before. It’s all about proportionate contributions. You’re not living there, so you shouldn’t be expected to pay like a full-time roommate. Your boundaries are reasonable.”