AITAH for not paying my adult stepdaughter’s way on our family vacation?

A Reddit user recently shared a dilemma over her stepdaughter wanting her vacation expenses covered for a Disney trip. The user, a mom of two young kids, explains that she and her husband paid for her stepdaughter’s Disney trips in the past, and even helped her financially by paying off her car loan.

However, this year’s vacation budget is tighter, and the stepdaughter only recently expressed interest in joining. With hotel, flight, and park costs adding up, the user feels it’s fair for her adult stepdaughter to pay her own way but offered to cover meals and provide a gift card for spending money.

When told she’d have to handle her own expenses, the stepdaughter was upset and called her a “bitch.” Now the user wonders if she’s being unfair by sticking to her budget. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for not paying my adult stepdaughter’s way on our family vacation?’

I (37f), have a stepdaughter (23f). Her dad and I have been married for 9 years, and we have two children together (7 & 3). We take vacations to Disney ever year. We last went on Thanksgiving week, 2023. Before that, January 2022.

We save and save and save to make it a fun thing because its the only vacation we take outside of visiting family for the holidays. For what it’s worth, we took my stepdaughter in 2022 and 2023 and paid her entire way (and even paid for her boyfriend at the time to join us in one park).

For her birthday in April, we decided to pay off her car loan in full (because she was worried about having student loans plus a car loan while trying to rent an apartment in California where her job is), and that put a dent in our vacation budget.

At the time, I didn’t care because I knew she was stressing it, so we took 8k out of our savings to pay off her car loan so she could have more funds to put towards her student loans and help her credit when it came to renting an apartment.

She has a degree in Marine Biology, but has yet to find a job to truly use her degree, and moved to California to be with her now long-term boyfriend. We have been planning this Disney vacation for the first week of December since earlier this year. Since before we paid off her car loan for her.

Tickets are booked, reservations are made (there is one we pre-paid for, for our two children and the two adults), our hotel room has been booked and paid for, etc. My husband was talking to her on the phone and mentioned our upcoming trip right after Thanksgiving, and now she wants to tag along.

I told my husband I cannot pay her way this time around. The park tickets, pre-paid dining reservation and our hotel came out of my personal savings/vacation budget. My husband will be using his vacation budget to pay for other dining reservations and any fun extras like light sabers and s**t for our two kids.

I told my husband that she should pay her own way this time around, but it’d be awesome if she could join us. Stepdaughter is now asking for my husband to pay for her flight, a hotel room for herself (she doesn’t want to stay in the same hotel room as us, which is fair) and is asking him to cover half of her ticket costs.

my husband asked me what should he do and I said she’s an adult, with an adult paying job, she should be able to cover all of her expenses such as park tickets and a flight and her own hotel room.

I said we could pay for her meals and I’d even spring for a gift card with the same amount I’m giving my 7 year old for “fun money”, but we are down to 30 days until our vacation and as much as I’d love for her to tag along, I don’t want to be stressed on my vacation worried about money/going over budget.

Apparently, my husband told her she’d have to take care of her own expenses and she got upset and called me a b**ch via text. Why he told me that, I don’t know, because that makes it to where I don’t want her coming around at all.

If my husband wants to spend his own money to pay her way, that is fine, but after planning for months, its a matter of principle that she should pay her own way at this point. I have student loans and a mortgage to pay as well, spending an extra grand isn’t something I have the budget for.

I’m genuinely not trying to be a “wicked” stepmother here, but am I the a**hole here? Her calling me a b**ch stings but if I’m being one, I need to know. My husband feels like he’s caught between his wife and his daughter and I’m just ready to be on vacation and turn Slack off for a week. AITAH?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Snackinpenguin −  A “b**ch” wouldn’t have paid off her car loan in full, but she clearly takes that for granted as a mandatory parent/stepparent obligation. You can tell her that too. NTA.

Hyperslinky9 −  Your husband just put the blame on you. Instead of saying, “we can’t afford this right now” he said “(your name) doesn’t want to pay for you.”

Rye_One_ −  Your husband is TA for throwing you under the bus.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  “This b**ch spent your Disney money on paying your car loan. I see now how ungrateful you are, and will not make the same mistake in the future”. NTA

sickofdriving007 −  NTA but it sounds like your husband threw you under the bus. And she sounds very entitled.

everellie −  I think you have a husband problem. He blamed you when he told her no to paying for vacation. That’s not ok, either.

BeachinLife1 −  She would have seen her LAST DIME from me after calling me a b**ch. She got two free vacations, her car paid off and still thinks you owe her a trip? I would tell my husband that if he gives her another penny, I would file for divorce. That gravy train is shut down. Tell her to give you back the 8K she owes you for her car, and you’ll have enough money to take her!

grayblue_grrl −  Your husband is now on the hook for every single thing this entitled b**t wants. AFTER his behaviour making YOU the problem, the only thing you can do is excuse yourself from the equation. He can not apologize enough for that b**lshit.

doctoralstudent1 −  NTA. You paid off her car loan for $8k and she should be reminded of that. She should pay her own way for the family vacation if she wants to go.

theferal1 −  NTA- You’ve done a lot for her and thats really cool you were able and willing to do so but she sounds entitled and ungrateful. Better to stop now than have a 30 year old pouting and calling names because they think you’ve not done enough.

Do you think the stepmom is being reasonable in asking her stepdaughter to cover her own costs, or should she reconsider and find a way to include her? How would you approach a family vacation where budgets are tight and expectations differ? Share your thoughts below!