AITAH for not letting my niece keep her old bedroom?
Imagine inheriting a house and offering your brother’s family a place to live, only to have them move out and leave their teenage daughter behind. That’s the complicated situation facing OP, who is now being criticized for not allowing his niece to keep her old bedroom in the house.
While OP understands his niece’s attachment to her room and her reluctance to move, he also wants to prioritize his own children’s needs and fulfill a promise he made to his daughter about having her own room. His decision to offer his niece the downstairs office as a bedroom has caused tension and hurt feelings, leaving OP wondering if he’s the a-hole in this situation.
Join us as we unpack this story of family ties, blended families, and the challenges of balancing the needs and desires of different family members when living under one roof.
‘AITAH for not letting my niece keep her old bedroom?’
This situation highlights the complexities of blended families and the challenges of navigating changing family dynamics, particularly when it comes to living arrangements and personal space.
Dr. Patricia Papernow, a clinical psychologist and expert on stepfamilies, notes that “Stepfamilies often face unique challenges, including loyalty conflicts, differing parenting styles, and the need to renegotiate roles and boundaries. It’s crucial for stepparents and biological parents to communicate openly, respect each other’s perspectives, and find ways to create a sense of fairness and inclusivity for all children involved.”
In this case, OP’s decision to prioritize his own children’s needs by giving them the larger bedrooms with attached bathrooms reflects his responsibility as a parent to provide for their comfort and well-being. Dr. Papernow emphasizes that “Parents have a primary responsibility to their own children, and it’s important for them to make decisions that prioritize their needs, even if it means disappointing or causing conflict with stepchildren or extended family members.”
However, the niece’s attachment to her old bedroom and her reluctance to move downstairs is also understandable, given the significant changes and challenges she’s facing. Dr. Papernow suggests that “Stepparents can play a crucial role in helping stepchildren adjust to new family dynamics and transitions.
It’s important for them to acknowledge and validate their stepchildren’s feelings, while also setting clear expectations and boundaries.” (Source: Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn’t)
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Here’s what the Reddit community had to say about this situation – always ready with a strong opinion and a dash of wit:
These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they reflect reality? While some might argue that OP is being unfair or insensitive towards his niece, it’s important to remember that he’s also trying to balance the needs of his own children and maintain a harmonious household. His decision to offer his niece the downstairs office as a bedroom, while perhaps not ideal, reflects his attempt to accommodate her while still prioritizing his own family’s needs.
So, dear readers, what’s your verdict? Is OP the a-hole for not letting his niece keep her old bedroom? Or is he justified in prioritizing his own children’s needs and setting boundaries within his household? How can blended families navigate the challenges of shared living spaces and ensure that everyone feels respected, supported, and has their individual needs met? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
The neice seems to come off being entitled.you are def. Nta. This is your house. Your children need to be in their own rooms. They are too old to share. Personally I would tell her parents that she can take the downstairs room or else move with them. It’s your house not theirs to dictate what happens. She’s not your responsibility. Her focus should be being close to her brother while he is undergoing medical issues instead of acting like an entitled pain only worrying about herself.
Taking in a teenager is a huge gift to the kid who does not want to move with her family. Even a well-loved niece who is in her teens still requires a different type of parenting that an 8yr old and a 4yr old. It’s reasonable for her to make the accommodations to her aunt and uncle. They could say “we just can’t take in a teenager”. (Or other aged kid). If your brother has opinions about where his daughter should sleep, explain that if his daughter is unhappy about it, she is welcome to accompany him with the rest of the family to the new city.
The two younger children should be upstairs because of their age and being children of the opposite sex they should not be made to share a room anymore. They are doing a favor for the niece and she should just appreciate that they are letting her stay with them. The can make the door of the downstairs room more secure for her.
I think you have already done and are doing more than enough. You let them live there and now you agreed to take your teenage niece in because she does not want to switch schools. You told her the deal: help around the house and move to the office space. You also already told your own kids that they will get their own rooms. Your niece is entitled and expecting too much. No it isn’t her fault that her family is going through a rough time, neither is it your fault. She is choosing not to be with her own family during this difficult time, possibly making the situation harder for everybody with that. She seems as if she is used to getting what she wants, no need to give in more into that. She can move with her family if she doesn’t like the arrangements in your house.
You may could offer her some changes to the office room to make it more friendly and happy place, but no NTA
YTA – the poor teenage girl is probably just trying to finish high school. The boys are young enough to share a room for a few years rather than sending your niece to somewhere where she won’t feel like she is included like family.
Have the daughter move with her family. When you move your own family into a new house, you don’t need any added drama, especially from an entitled teenager.
Its OP’s house so HIS children should have the proper bedrooms. If anybody is banishing the niece it is HER PARENTS by moving away. She is lucky that her uncle is prepared to let her stay with him and should not start to complain and demand her old bedroom. It is no longer HER family home so she doesn’t HAVE a bedroom in that house. OP should tell the brother that if they are that upset about you making YOUR children your priority and doesn’t want her to have the smaller office, then the offer of letting her stay in HIS home is removed. She will have to move away with the rest of HER family and let OP and HIS family live and stop dictating to his brother how he should treat his family and home..Its time he was made to face up to his circumstances and have his family all under 1 roof in his new home in another city, even if it means his daughter has to change schools. If they are not happy with her having to move to the smaller room, then she will have to go and live with her parents instead !!!
It seems that everyone forgets that she’s still a child regardless of being a teenager she’s probably feeling that all the decisions that are made are all for everyone else’s needs and she’s just a dwindling inconvenience to you all. Nobody is the ass hole as such but at the end of the day other than asking to stay. Her parents are moving for the needs of her siblings and her aunt and uncle want to shove her away in a room that you deem as a dungeon. You could come to a compromise and ask the parents to do up the room for her. Or if it’s only a year make the office room a lovely place for you daughter so she still has her space. 4 year olds don’t spend much time in bedrooms so if they did share for a year it would mainly be for sleeping. I totally get it you put your own family first. And your brother could make more efforts for her. If your going to resent her the whole time she is with you it will kill your relationship anyway. Could be good to sit down and have a mature conversation. One where you actually say you understand and care but this is how it needs to be for your family dynamic. Your kids come first always but she is still your neice she is a child teenager or not she will only act out if she feels neglected and resented for being there and being unhappy with living situations. Good luck
Niece and family need to get over themselves. It was her choice to refuse to move with her family. She needs to ‘deal’ with it. She got to stay in her school WITH her friends and with family who will care for her ( probably cost free). She has no right to demand that her cousins be second to her.
I think the brother who is moving away and leaving his daughter behind is acting entitled. His daughter is a guest in his brother’s house and should accept whatever accommodations she is given. She is acting like a spoiled brat and if she continues I wouldn’t let her stay with me. She’s already asking for alot by asking to stay. That’s a huge responsibility to put on another family member who is raising 2 young kids. She and her parents should be grateful they are allowing her to stay. If they can’t see this then they shouldn’t let her stay. Of course your kids should come first.