AITAH for not letting my niece keep her old bedroom?
A man recently decided to move into his inherited home after his brother’s family relocated due to medical needs, which led to complications regarding living arrangements. His teenage niece requested to stay but was unhappy about having to move into a smaller office instead of keeping her upstairs bedroom.
Despite the family’s objections, he felt it was necessary to prioritize his daughter’s need for her own space, but after reflecting on the situation, he and his wife reconsidered the arrangement altogether—follow the story below to see how this family dynamic unfolds.
‘AITAH for not letting my niece keep her old bedroom?’
My brother and his family had to move to a different city because of their sons medical needs. I actually own the house they lived in, but I didn’t need that much space at the time I inherited it so I let my brothers family live there. Since they were moving my wife and I thought now would be a good time to move into the house ourselves.
My brother’s teenage daughter really did not want to move and go to a different school. She asked instead to stay with us. We talked about it and agreed to it so long as she didn’t get into trouble and helped around the house. We also told her she would have to use the office downstairs as a bedroom instead of keeping her upstairs bedroom.
There are only three bedrooms upstairs. My wife and I would be using the master and the other two bedrooms would be for our two kids (f8 and m4).She was not happy about it because the office is not as good the upstairs bedrooms. Which truthfully is true. It is smaller and does not have an attached bathroom like the bedrooms upstairs.
It also has less natural sunlight so it can feel a little like a dungeon. It also doesn’t have a regular door it has these panel shutter like doors which we can add a latch to, but my niece says less private and secure.The thing is our daughter has been wanting her own bedroom for a while now.
She has shared a bedroom with her younger brother her whole life and she is sick of it. When we had brought up this move to her we had already promised she would get her own room. Given their ages it makes more sense for them to have the bedrooms upstairs close to us rather than farther away downstairs in the office by themselves.
My niece, brother, and sister in law however think it’s mean to “banish” their daughter to the downstairs office when she’s already dealing with enough change. They think that our kids can continue to share a bedroom because they’re still young enough that it doesn’t matter.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
mogley19922 says:
I didn’t even consider that the larger family was in the smaller house, while they owned the larger one.
Edit: just to avoid any other interesting reply threads, I have been corrected on this by OP.
Low_Charge_2143 says:
My brothers family is actually larger than mine. They have 3 kids and we have 2.
Berrybliss2014 says:
Wow! They got a bargain for a long time!! It’s good that you made it clear to them about your permanent residence. They should have been able to save quite a bit during that time so housing shouldn’t be a huge issue for them
If OP didn’t charge any rent to at least cover maintenance and tax, then the brother is a huge e*titled a*shole to have any expectations. I would feel indebted.
JustKindaHappenedxx says:
Unfortunately, some people become so used to someone else’s generosity that they start to feel e*titled to it.
This scenario illustrates the complexities of family living situations, especially when it comes to sharing spaces and making sacrifices. Is the uncle right to prioritize his daughter’s needs, or should he accommodate his niece during a difficult time? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Niece and family need to get over themselves. It was her choice to refuse to move with her family. She needs to ‘deal’ with it. She got to stay in her school WITH her friends and with family who will care for her ( probably cost free). She has no right to demand that her cousins be second to her.
Have the daughter move with her family. When you move your own family into a new house, you don’t need any added drama, especially from an entitled teenager.
I think the brother who is moving away and leaving his daughter behind is acting entitled. His daughter is a guest in his brother’s house and should accept whatever accommodations she is given. She is acting like a spoiled brat and if she continues I wouldn’t let her stay with me. She’s already asking for alot by asking to stay. That’s a huge responsibility to put on another family member who is raising 2 young kids. She and her parents should be grateful they are allowing her to stay. If they can’t see this then they shouldn’t let her stay. Of course your kids should come first.
The neice seems to come off being entitled.you are def. Nta. This is your house. Your children need to be in their own rooms. They are too old to share. Personally I would tell her parents that she can take the downstairs room or else move with them. It’s your house not theirs to dictate what happens. She’s not your responsibility. Her focus should be being close to her brother while he is undergoing medical issues instead of acting like an entitled pain only worrying about herself.
Taking in a teenager is a huge gift to the kid who does not want to move with her family. Even a well-loved niece who is in her teens still requires a different type of parenting that an 8yr old and a 4yr old. It’s reasonable for her to make the accommodations to her aunt and uncle. They could say “we just can’t take in a teenager”. (Or other aged kid). If your brother has opinions about where his daughter should sleep, explain that if his daughter is unhappy about it, she is welcome to accompany him with the rest of the family to the new city.
The two younger children should be upstairs because of their age and being children of the opposite sex they should not be made to share a room anymore. They are doing a favor for the niece and she should just appreciate that they are letting her stay with them. The can make the door of the downstairs room more secure for her.
Its OP’s house so HIS children should have the proper bedrooms. If anybody is banishing the niece it is HER PARENTS by moving away. She is lucky that her uncle is prepared to let her stay with him and should not start to complain and demand her old bedroom. It is no longer HER family home so she doesn’t HAVE a bedroom in that house. OP should tell the brother that if they are that upset about you making YOUR children your priority and doesn’t want her to have the smaller office, then the offer of letting her stay in HIS home is removed. She will have to move away with the rest of HER family and let OP and HIS family live and stop dictating to his brother how he should treat his family and home..Its time he was made to face up to his circumstances and have his family all under 1 roof in his new home in another city, even if it means his daughter has to change schools. If they are not happy with her having to move to the smaller room, then she will have to go and live with her parents instead !!!
I think you have already done and are doing more than enough. You let them live there and now you agreed to take your teenage niece in because she does not want to switch schools. You told her the deal: help around the house and move to the office space. You also already told your own kids that they will get their own rooms. Your niece is entitled and expecting too much. No it isn’t her fault that her family is going through a rough time, neither is it your fault. She is choosing not to be with her own family during this difficult time, possibly making the situation harder for everybody with that. She seems as if she is used to getting what she wants, no need to give in more into that. She can move with her family if she doesn’t like the arrangements in your house.
You may could offer her some changes to the office room to make it more friendly and happy place, but no NTA