AITAH for not letting my husband control the money in our house?

Financial control in a relationship can be a highly charged issue—especially for someone who has experienced abuse in the past. In this post, we explore one woman’s struggle with her husband’s insistence on managing all the family money.

Despite being married for over a year and earning her own income, she refuses to let him have exclusive control over the finances. Her past experiences—when her ex took over her bank account and left her with a weekly allowance that barely covered basic needs—have left her determined never to repeat that pattern.

Now, even though she and her husband have similar incomes and share many of the household responsibilities, he pressures her to contribute extra money to a joint savings account and criticizes her spending decisions. This post asks: Am I the asshole for not letting my husband control our money?

‘AITAH for not letting my husband control the money in our house?’

The article has the next update at the end.

Update here: https://aita.pics/nxyoX

Experts on financial abuse note that controlling access to money is a classic tactic of economic abuse, designed to create dependency and strip the victim of their independence. Dr. Sherri Gordon, a mental health professional who writes about financial abuse, explains that “when one partner insists on having full control of the money—even when both contribute to the household—it’s less about managing finances and more about power and control.”

Financial control becomes especially concerning when past abuse informs present-day fears. In situations like yours, the demand for complete control over shared finances is not only a red flag but also a reminder that financial abuse can be cyclical. The refusal to allow you full access to your own earnings is a protective measure—a stand against repeating a history of financial manipulation. Experts advise that in a healthy marriage, even if a joint account exists for household expenses, both partners should have full access to their personal earnings and any jointly agreed upon funds.

Furthermore, financial boundaries are a modern necessity. As many financial abuse survivors have learned, maintaining separate accounts—even when married—can be an important safeguard. It ensures that both partners have the freedom to manage their own money and make independent decisions, thus preventing one person from monopolizing control.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community on r/AITAH has overwhelmingly supported your stance. Commenters have shared stories of similar experiences and praised you for taking control of your finances. One user wrote, “Never let a man dictate how you manage your money. Your earnings are yours to keep and decide over,” while others have stressed that having personal accounts is a basic right in any healthy relationship.

Many have also highlighted the dangers of financial control repeating patterns of past abuse. They note that even if your husband argues it’s “part of being married,” true partnership means both individuals have equal say—and equal access—in financial matters. This consensus reinforces your decision to maintain autonomy over your own income and savings.