AITAH for not let my daughter’s grandparents to take her this Christmas?

A Reddit user shared her intense family drama as a single mother caught in a custody dispute with her late co-parent’s parents. After setting firm boundaries about her toddler traveling without her, tensions boiled over when the grandparents insisted on taking her daughter for Christmas without consent. Read the full story below to see how this emotional conflict escalated.

‘ AITAH for not let my daughter’s grandparents to take her this Christmas?’

I (30f) am the single mother of Clara (2f). My pregnancy wasn’t planned, I had a “no strings attached” relationship with her father, Jack (30s m), for seven months when I became pregnant unexpectedly. He lived in another state, but would visit my city monthly for business reasons and we hit it off after meeting in a bar.

We thought about our options regarding the pregnancy, but I decided to keep the baby. Jack wanted to be part of her life, so we planned to raise the baby together but not as a couple, just co-parents. Unfortunately Jack’s passed away during my pregnancy.

Jack’s parents (Linda and James) knew that I was pregnant when he passed, we already had done a prenatal paternity test at the time. We were all devastated by his passing, but off course his parents were destroyed by it. Clara is their first and only grandkid and she became their beacon of light in a dark time, as they say.

They have other two daughters, Ruth (37f) and Lily (27f), but they don’t have children. Ruth is trying to conceive for a long time with her husband and Lily is childfree and single.

Jack’s whole family lives in another state – with the exception of Lily, that lives abroad. They have a family business so their life is there, while I have my family and career in my current city, where I live with Clara. Since Clara was born we have an agreement, nothing legal, but we all agreed with visitations for her grandparents and aunts.

They usually visit Clara twice a month, James and Linda are the ones that visit the most, but Ruth also shows up sometimes. I really appreciate their presence on her life. Since the beginning, a point of content on our relationship was travelling with Clara to their state.

They have a big property that’s in their family for over 100 years and have a family business too. In their small town they are treated as almost royalty and wanted Clara to experience that. I understand that it’s good for my daughter to know her heritage, but I always put my foot down on the idea of their travelling with her without me.

I already visited their hometown 3 times with Clara since she was born, but this isn’t enough apparently. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, I had some issues with Linda meddling way too much on my parenting, but we were civil until I started my current relationship. I’ve been dating Ted (34m) for almost a year and things are tense with James and Linda. Ted and I don’t live together and he has a daughter, Marie(4f) that lives with him.

Linda has expressed disapproval to his ‘constant’ presence in my house (which is not true, both of us work a lot and between our kids and other priorities we probably see each other 3-4 times a week), to Marie having play dates and sleepovers with Clara and the list go on. The woman will find a way to comment something even about Ted’s car parked in front of my house.

Things escalated when two weeks ago I emailed Linda, James and Ruth an invite for Christmas eve. Ted and I will have a get together with our families and close friends. I decided to invite Clara’s grandparents so they can expend Christmas eve with her, but I also let them know that if they prefer they can take her for lunch on Christmas day. The next day Linda texted me that they already had plans to take Clara to their home on Christmas.

I said that this was not happening. I didn’t hear anything from her for about two days. Linda called me stating that she gave me two days to cool off and be reasonable. I asked what she meant, and she said they have rights over Clara and they had waited too much to take her home for Christmas. Now she is bigger and can travel without me.

I said that this was never discussed and I will not let them travel with my daughter without even discussing with me before. Linda said this was the discussion before the travel, I laughed on the call and said she was delusional. Things escalated quickly after that, I was accused of trying to replace Jack on Clara’s life, I also said some things that were a little cruel about Jack never even meeting Clara.

After Linda hung up on me James called and tried to ‘reason’ with me. He let it slip that they bought Clara’s plane tickets two months ago without asking me first. I said there’s no way I would let them walk all over me. James lost his temper and demand that I should apologize to Linda or we will go to court over this. I didn’t back down and said they were choosing to fight over this, not me.

Well, after some time of silence from them I was served with court papers, they are suing me over custody of Clara and are stating I am unfit as a mother. I already have a lawyer who I consult before our fight over the phone, she told me yesterday they have almost 0 chance of getting any custody. The most they can get is visitation, but still I am worry about this becoming a legal battle.

People on my life are divided. Part of them think I did nothing wrong by putting up boundaries and other’s think it’s petty of me to start a fight with my daughter’s grandparents when I could let them travel with her for Christmas when I know they are good grandparents and will take care of her.. AITAH?.

Some clarifications are needed: 1)How Linda and James know details about my life? How they know about Ted’s car and Marie’s play dates?

They do live in another state, but they visit often. At least twice a month they come to see Clara, and they come to my house to pick her up and to leave her after their outings. This is how Linda realized Ted’s car on the front of my driveway, since I live in a gated community, and it’s forbidden this type of parking unless it’s the homeowner’s car. The first time she saw his car, Linda asked if I would call the security to tow the car, and I said no because it was Ted’s car.

They also used to facetime Clara three times a week, that’s how they learned about some of her play dates and sleepovers with Marie, they called when Marie was still at the house with Clara and saw her.
2) They expected my toddler to travel alone on a plane? NO.

I think I couldn’t explain well enough. James said they would travel to my city, take Clara with them on the plane to their state, and after a week they would bring her back. She was never supposed to travel alone, for what they were planning.

3) Do I believe they were going to kidnap my daughter? I don’t know. I think it’s possible, some comments made me paranoid to be honest. James said they bought her tickets back, but I don’t think I should trust him without proof. Their word means nothing now.

4) Do I still have contact with them? No, my lawyer advised me to cut all visits, video calls with Clara and only communicate with my daughter’s grandparents through our lawyers. They are not blocked on my phone, but I will not receive any call from them. If they text me or e-mail me, I’ll have it sent to my lawyer. Trust me, today was all about making an ‘f u binder’ and documenting every little thing.

Thank you a lot for the advice, guys! And don’t worry much, Clara and I live in a very secure community, with cameras and armed security. Nobody will take her from me.

See what others had to share with OP:

ChaoticCrashy −  Absolutely NTA. Clara is your child. The idea of a 2 year old traveling without her mother is asinine. You were very kind to encourage their relationship with your daughter. However, they are taking things way too far.

They will not get custody. Do not allow them any contact with Clara- they want custody and may just take her. They are clear in what they want. Any further communication with them will be twisted and used against you.
Congratulations on your new relationship. You deserve some happiness and peace.

ElsaUncovered −  NTA. They bought plane tickets two months ago without asking you? That’s not planning ahead, that’s delusional travel agency energy. You are Clara’s mom and not some vacation rental they can book on Airbnb.

AnneShurely −  If I were you, I would get the most aggressive underhanded lawyer I could find to drag their names through the mud. You cannot trust your child with them. They do not respect you. They are selfish and unreasonable bullies. Fight fire with fire NTA.

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  “There will be no more direct contact, all communication will strictly go through lawyers now. Visits are cancelled, including Christmas, until this is settled in court.”

YouSayWotNow −  You did absolutely nothing wrong and the audacity of J&L to imagine that they have more rights than Clara’s own mother to spend Christmas with her actually blows my mind. They may have this idea in your head that you must stay single for the rest of Clara’s childhood but that’s not remotely rational and no court is going to accept that as proof of you being an unfit mother. There’s no basis for them to be awarded custody.

And even if they are awarded court-mandated visitation rights, it’s unlikely that will ever allow for them to unilaterally decide when they see her.. Stay strong. You’ve been so kind in allowing them into her life (which I appreciate is for her benefit too) but they are behaving outrageously. Entitled doesn’t even begin to cover it.. NTA.

premar16 −  seems a bit kidnappy to me.

Atlantic_Nikita −  Lawyer up and lawyer up well.

Dependent_Escape2513 −  How does the grandmother know your partner’s car is at your house if they live a plane ride away? I would cut physical contact and alert your daycare/school just in case they try to take her. NTA.

ConnectionRound3141 −  NTA. They way overstepped. And to take a child away from their mother at 2 years old at Christmas? That’s nuts. Would you and Ted consider moving to a state with no grandparent rights?

Haunting-Effort-9111 −  NTA. This is YOUR child. They have no right to demand anything, and you were kind enough to include them in your life at all. Do you have a security system at your house? I would be worried about them showing up.