AITAH for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend to my wedding because I don’t like him?

A Reddit user shared a difficult decision about not inviting a close friend’s disliked boyfriend to her wedding. While the bride invited other friends’ partners, she excluded her friend’s boyfriend, Link, due to a long history of tension and his abrasive personality. At the reception, her friend expressed deep sadness about being excluded, bringing up feelings of isolation and frustration. Now, the bride wonders if her choice was unfair. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITAH for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend to my wedding because I don’t like him?’

My friend Miley (23) and I (23) have a complicated relationship, mainly in the fact that I hate her boyfriend Link (24). Link is, long story short, an ass who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He treats everyone horribly, is cruel and mean, and was disliked by the majority of people at our old college. Link and I had a massive falling out and I’d cut Link out of my life. Our group of friends also heavily dislikes Link and as a result, Miley doesn’t bring him up at all.

Link has shown up to events and occasional parties, and the two of us have mostly either remained civil to one another or engaged in small talk, which only reaffirmed my opinion on Link. Other than during the fight 5-6 years ago, I’ve never expressed any anger or dislike of him to Miley as I believe our friendship is fragile and she gets overly anxious and defensive of him.

Her boyfriend is a sore subject in our friend group, and while we had voiced our doubts about him at the start of their relationship, because of how long they’ve been together, and wanting to not isolate Miley, we have simply just let them be. However the sense of closeness we have with the rest of the boyfriends in comparison to Link is obvious.

I don’t think Link is a**sive, or purposefully isolating Miley from us. He simply does not care about the feelings of people that aren’t him or Miley, and because Miley is happy with him, she refuses to see Link’s personality, saying he is different around her.

I got married to my fiancé (now husband!) 2 days ago and I’m writing this while my husband packs for our honeymoon. The reception was a barbecue with 30 people. When inviting guests, I invited my friend’s bfs/fiances as throughout the years we have become good friends. Obviously, Link wasn’t invited. I debated on it, however in the end it is my wedding, and I didn’t want him there.

But at the wedding, Miley felt extremely left out. She was by herself while the rest of our main group of friends were with their partners. She got really drunk at the BBQ and came up to me crying about how horrible it felt having her boyfriend missing when everyone else’s partner was there. I told her that I didn’t mean to make her upset and that I only wanted to invite my closest friends.

I thought maybe she was upset about the wedding, but then she asked me why I couldn’t just put up with Link and understand that he made her happy. I told her I put up with him and be civil and kind him to the best of my ability and have never talked trash about him.

She said she wished Link could be invited to places and liked, and how alone we made her feel because of our unspoken dislike of him. I tried to apologize and I really did feel horrible. At this point I’m wondering if I made the wrong choice, should I have just invited Link? I feel like she’s let out years of pent up feelings out and now I feel like an ass.

See what others had to share with OP:

billikers −  “She said she wished Link could be invited to places and liked”… yeah, well, he’s not. If he cared about Miley, and her feelings, he would know how he acts is causing her distress, and would adjust his attitude accordingly. He doesn’t. That’s a Link problem and a Miley problem for putting up with it. If you date an a**hole no one likes, don’t be surprised that people don’t want to be around them. NTA and tbh Miley has some nerve to go crying about it to you on your wedding day. Maybe because she knows if she ends up marrying Link, no one will come to her wedding??

BookBlerd −  NTA – Sadly for your friend, it drove home the point that she’s not going to be excluded but no one is going to carry the burden of her choice of partner, especially not at their own milestone events. You were kind to even have the conversation given she knew how everyone felt about him beforehand.

owls_and_cardinals −  INFO: Was it a surprise to Miley when she arrived at your wedding that Link was the only BF who had been excluded? Did you talk to her in advance of the wedding, like when invitations were sent, about your decision not to include Link?

ZombiePancreas −  NTA. People are free to date/marry whoever they want. But if you pick someone who’s an a**hole, don’t be surprised when other people don’t cater to that. This probably means your friendship with Miley will take a hit, and you’ll have to accept that.

dalealace −  NTA. What some people are forgetting is that no one else attending really likes Link either. It’s not just about putting up with one person you don’t like (which you shouldn’t have to do at a small intimate wedding and reception), it’s also that this one dude would definitely throw off the vibe for the entire party if no one likes him. I feel for your friend OP, but I think you made the best decision possible for your happiness at your own wedding. And if your friend wants Link to be more well liked then the onus is on him to act right.

Sexybigdaddy −  I think Miley is a pretty crappy friend to come crying to you about her boyfriend when it’s your wedding. Also, Miley seriously lacks empathy or care for others including her friends when she subjected them to Links crappy behavior and not giving a crap about you guys because “he’s nice to her.” Enabling someone else’s s**tty behavior is still s**tty behavior.. Nta.

Maleficent-Spinach37 −  NTA, specifically because I read your reply to an INFO request. Based on that info, I’m not sure why you’re still friends with Miley. I originally was going to say ESH, because yes, it’s your wedding and you can invite who you want, but including the SOs of everyone BUT the one friend comes off as harsh. But he deserves to not be invited based on what you said.

analyst19 −  NTA. You can choose the guest list. This obviously means your friendship with Miley will decline.

HarlotsWebb −  NTA. Link has shown you time and time again he doesn’t care about anyones feelings but his and Miley’s. So what if she’s happy? You all feel like s**t when he’s around that’s not okay. It’s YOUR wedding. She could have left and went home when it got weird for her not drunk and cry about it to make you feel worse.

O4243G −  NTA – your wedding your guest list…but don’t expect your friendship with Miley to continue after this. You’ve drawn a hard line in the sand that you don’t support her relationship – I doubt you’ll be invited to any of their events if they get married. Looks like this friendship has run its course.