AITAH for not including my future stepkids in my will?
A Reddit user faces conflict with his fiancée after he decided not to include her two children in his will, prioritizing his own adult children instead. While he cares about her kids and enjoys their relationship, he feels that dividing his estate between children he raised his whole life and those he’s only recently met would be unfair.
However, his fiancée believes that marrying her should mean accepting her children fully as part of his family. Read on to see if you think he’s in the wrong for standing by his decision.
‘ AITAH for not including my future stepkids in my will?’
I (45M) am engaged to my fiancee (39F), who has two kids from a previous relationship (13M and 11F). We’ve been together for three years, and I really like her kids, we get along great. But just to be upfront, I have two adult kids from my first marriage, and they’re my priority.
The other night, my fiancee brought up the idea of updating my will to officially include her kids. She says it’s important to her that her children “feel like part of our family” just as much as my own kids. I told her honestly that while I care about her kids, I don’t plan to put them in my will.
I’ve been clear that I worked hard to build what I have specifically to benefit my children, who I raised and have been there for their whole lives. I’ve only known her kids for three years and feel it would be unfair to divide my estate with children I didn’t raise or even meet until recently.
This conversation turned into an argument, and she accused me of treating her kids as “less than” and of not being serious about us as a family. She said that by marrying her, I should be treating her kids as my own. But to me, marriage doesn’t automatically mean my entire estate should now be split four ways.
I told her that this isn’t up for debate. I do love her and her kids, but I don’t feel comfortable putting them in my will. She’s barely spoken to me since, and now I’m wondering if I’m being too stubborn about this.. AITAH?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
redditlurker1981 − Does her estate include your kids??
Gohighsweetcherry − The kids ‘will feel like part of the family’ what? When you’re dead and the will is read out?? Are they going to jump for joy with happiness that you’re all family now you’re dead?
What on earth has your will got to do with them? Absolutely nothing except for her greed. Don’t make the mistake of marrying her. Don’t speak of the will again, and definitely do not include her in it.. NTA
notAugustbutordinary − Time to start looking at a pre nup. She has shown her intentions early.
parodytx − You need a pre-nup. As in NOW. I’d be VERY worried if a potential spouse starts pressuring to change your estate plans BEFORE YOU ARE EVEN MARRIED YET!
The guilting and pressured manipulation indicates a level of issues that luckily have arisen before you are married – maybe you need to reassess the situation.
Sensitive-Ask-9368 − Not even dead yet and she is already splitting his estate. Huge Red Flag. Seems very interested in what “her” kids get from a man who is not their parent. I would pump the brakes on this union. PRENUP is a very good idea.
BlueGreen_1956 − NTA – She is waving a red flag in your face. Don’t ignore it. Her idea of you caring is tied to her sucking money from you. She has shown you where her priorities lie. I would advise you to kick her to the curb but if you insist on marrying her GET A PRENUP! Make is as ironclad as possible.
CamaroDev − I bet she fully expects you to pay for both of their ways through college too.. where is Their father??
holybucketsitscrazy − My partner and I have been together more than 20 years. His will is split 3 ways – between his 2 kids and myself. My will is split 2 ways – half to him and half to my son.
Neither of us have the expectation that we would leave our estates to our step kids. Frankly, how you divide up your assets is your decision no one else’s.. NTA
Creative_Struggle_69 − If she’s so insistent on this, are you sure you wanna marry her? You are NTA, and I personally find her idea sketchy.
yesimreadytorumble − your children are gonna get screwed over in case you divorce or die before this woman.
Do you think the Redditor’s stance is reasonable, or is he overlooking what it means to fully embrace his fiancée’s children? How would you navigate estate planning with blended family dynamics? Share your thoughts below!
