AITAH for not dropping out of a house party despite it making my ex’s new fiancé uncomfortable?

A Reddit user shares a story about being asked by her ex (27M) and his fiancé to skip a mutual friend’s housewarming party to avoid making the fiancé uncomfortable. Despite her attempts to stay out of their social circle, tensions arose, leaving her questioning if she handled the situation poorly. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for not dropping out of a house party despite it making my ex’s new fiancé uncomfortable?’

My ex (27M) and I (26F) split two years ago. We met through my best friend, who worked in the same theatre as him then, and the reason we broke up was because he didn’t think we were working anymore.

It was pretty amicable (I didn’t put up a fight or anything), but I strongly believed there was no reason for us to to be friends anymore (that always causes problems), but I’m still friendly with his friends, and I make small chat if I run into his parents.

We live a pretty close knit environment. Don’t ask me how, we live in a city, but most of my friends and his come from either the same uni or have a common hobby, or we roam around the same circles and we definitely see each other once or twice a couple of months.

My ex has a fiancé now, and I am happy for them. I have never met her, and till now I thought this didn’t matter or anything. We are all adults (or so I think). One of his closest friends, Peter, just bought a house. I am friends with his girlfriend. And we are both invited to the housewarming.

I didn’t think any of it, however, my ex, texted me yesterday, after like a year? albeit, very politely, that maybe I could skip the housewarming, as he was bringing his fiancé, and she will feel uncomfortable. I was pretty weirded out by his wording, so I called him.

He said, his fiancé, feels uncomfortable that I would be anywhere close to him, and the fact that they both feel like I sometimes ‘intrude’ into their social gatherings, just to prove I’m better than her to his friends.

I got pretty mad hearing him say these things and I asked him in what way. We are not friends, and I stopped hanging out with his friends the moment we broke up to not make things difficult for him. There were a lot of people in his I became close to, but I stepped away, just so that things weren’t awkward for any future partner.

And how was it my fault? My ex explained two of his friends didn’t like or respect his gf and thought her an a**head, and so did his parents. Our circles are I admit, full of literature and theatre people and I admit some of them can be pretentious. Again, I told him that was him being a spineless bf and not my problem.

I told my ex strongly that both Peter and his gf are my friends and I would be going to their housewarming, and his relationship issues are not my problem. I have blocked him now, and his fiancé sent a long text on how she was sorry, but now I was apparently being vindictive, and how did it matter if I didn’t go to a housewarming?

She asked me to not make any drama and please respect her. I didn’t reply and blocked her. My friends are pissed at my ex and I haven’t told my friend or Peter any of it yet. I think maybe I could have handled it any other way. AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Alibut1a −  You’re not the a\*\*hole here. You’re allowed to go to a friend’s party, and it’s not your responsibility to manage their insecurities.

darlingbabecutex −  NTA. You’re just tryna vibe with your friends, not your ex. His fiancé’s insecurities ain’t your responsibility. You’ve been respectful, stepped back, and it’s not your fault their circle overlaps. Blocking them was smart—drama’s not your problem. Go to that party, it’s about your friends, not them.

iknowsomethings2 −  NTA. But you should tell Peter and his girlfriend. Your ex and his fiancé are dicks. It is not your job to manage their emotions or insecurities. If she’s uncomfortable, then she should stay home.

Flora-Leely −  NTA. You’re not obligated to skip social events just because it makes your ex’s fiancé uncomfortable. You’ve already made significant adjustments by stepping back from mutual friends post-breakup to avoid any awkwardness, which is more than considerate.

Your ex’s inability to manage his new fiancé’s insecurities or the opinions his friends and family have of her isn’t your burden to bear. You have every right to attend a party hosted by your friends, and it’s unfair of them to ask you to miss out just to ease someone else’s discomfort.

Blocking was a bit extreme, but it sounds necessary to avoid further drama and maintain your peace. Stick to your plan, enjoy the housewarming, and keep rocking your independence and respect for boundaries.

FoxySlyOldStoatyFox −  *”I was apparently being vindictive, and how did it matter if I didn’t go to a housewarming?”* Call me a cynic, but the fiancé is being vindictive and how does it matter if she or your d**khead ex don’t go to a housewarming?

Mother_Search3350 −  You should have told the a**head bimbo to fvck off before blocking her. The audacity of giving that woman your contact numbers is s**tty AF too. You are right he is a spineless i**ot who thinks everyone is supposed to dance to his bimbos music. If they don’t like the friend circle, they can stay away and make other friends, or hang with her circle of bimbettes. NTAH 

sparklinglavenderrr −  NTA. This is definitely *their* insecurity problem, not yours. You’re going to *your* friend’s party, not showing up to their engagement photoshoot. You’ve already done more than enough to keep things chill post-breakup. TBH way more than most people would.

If his fiancé feels some type of way, that’s on them to work out. You’re not responsible for their relationship drama. Go to the party, have fun, and let them figure out their issues without dragging you into it.

RubieHavenn −  Honestly ur ex and his fiancé are overstepping by trying to control ur actions.. it’s a housewarming not their personal territory and you’re not obligated to avoid things just to make them comfortable.. the fact that she’s texting u like that is pretty m**ipulative especially since you’ve been respectful and stayed out their business.. you’re allowed to have a friends and go to events without dealing with their drama.. if they can’t handle it that’s on them not u

Amazing-Wave4704 −  NTA. The a**head sounds like she’s pretty jealous and insecure. Go to the party. Wear red.

Additional_Emu4127 −  NTA. The gf’s insecurities are not your problem. His friends and family being snobs isn’t your problem. They are all your ex’s problem and he is trying to make this easy on himself instead of actually fixing his relationship.

Obviously his gf needs reassurance and he needs to stand up for her if people are being pretentious twats. If she can’t handle you being there maybe *they* should skip the housewarming? The childishness of this is ridiculous. Edited to fix error where I called the ex Peter.

Do you think the user was justified in standing her ground, or should she have stepped back to avoid conflict? How would you handle a situation where your presence causes tension at a mutual friend’s event? Share your perspective below!