AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to?
A Redditor shares a dilemma involving a last-minute uninvitation to a baby shower they had spent an entire day preparing food for. After being asked to still deliver the food despite being uninvited, they refused, leading to tension and accusations. Was the decision justified, or should they have accommodated the request? Read the full story below!
‘ AITAH for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to? ‘
Two weeks ago I got invited to a baby shower from a friend who I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state but had apparently moved back and now is having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I haven’t seen her in so long. She started a gc with all the mutuals she invited.
She did disclose that this was gonna be a quick and small one since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks with an induction scheduled on her 37th week. We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’ll cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor.
I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating. I asked mom-to-be how many people are invited besides the ladies in the gc. She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in gc including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people to be on the safe side just in case she invited a few more.
I started shopping for ingredients for the lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo and rice and a grazing table. I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the MTB. She approved. Now the day before her baby shower, I spent the WHOLE day cooking.
I took off the day(I only work part time since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my man works). Mind you, I had to arrange for my MIL to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower. I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days.
Then the night before the baby shower, she dm’ed me on ig that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and had to uninvite me but still ‘want’ me to drop off the food. I told her I understand and respect her decision but I will NOT be dropping off the food.
She asked me why and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I’m no longer invited to. That the ONLY reason I volunteered to do what I said was because I was invited.
She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice. That it was f’ed up and hateful. A few friends sided with her while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I’m the a-hole?.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Secret_Sister_Sarah − NTA. Why tf did she have to make a “hard decision” to uninvite you at the last minute? After you already sent money to pitch in on the decor??!! And after you spent money and time cooking for the event? Obviously, you’re right not to drop it off…
I hope you had a good group of people near you to come and help you eat everything you made! (Or good tupperware so you can freeze it for later.) Also, holy s**t. “She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in gc including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people” you really don’t want anyone to leave hungry, lol.
peakpenguins − She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice. Maybe she should have thought about that before she uninvited the person who was making all the food for her? NTA.
KDLAlumni − wtf. NTA. I am curious *why* she “had to” uninvite you though. Such a weirdo move.
Bobd1964 − NTA. Why would someone un-invite the person doing the catering and then expect them to still deliver the food that was being prepared at no charge to the host? Your high school friend needs a serious re-think of expectations and understand that hurtful decisions like that have serious consequences.
No_Cockroach4248 − if you are not invited, you don’t have to drop off food. i would also ask for a refund of the money contributed for decor. I have no idea what ”make some hard decisions” mean but it sounds more like taking advantage of someone’s goodwill. NTA
GullibleCrazy488 − You’re still in the group chat? I’d make that place very interesting.
Sorryurdumb − Literally in what world are you the a**hole here?. What a delusional b**ch she is. What are their reasonings for you being the a**hole? Also why were you uninvited? Do you know. Anyway obvi NTA
phasestep − “Just to be clear, I was uninvited from the event last night for no specific reason. I was asked to make the 2 hour journey to set up food in spite of this slap in the face. I’m not sure where you and everyone else learned basic ettiquite but it clearly wasn’t the same place I did.
Let me be completely clear, I am not and have never been a complementary catering service. If that is all my value to you, please let me know so that I can re-evaluate our relationship”. Anyone who says you’re the AH gets that.
They’re just whining because they’re hungry, not because they think she’s right. Also, you can get a subway party platter in like 30 min flat so it’s her own fault anyone went hungry.
mustang19671967 − People. Who sided with her are sheep and scared to be dropped too, wouldn’t be surprised if this was the plan cause she likes your cooking. Anyone who has her side drop them. As friends and block. Her. How is there a hard decision wirhn15 people?
Legal-Lingonberry577 − What???? She conned you into catering her shower then threw you to the curb AND just wants the free food. F her. Send her a bill for your time and costs times 10 if she wants the food.
Do you think the Redditor was justified in refusing to deliver the food after being uninvited, or should they have prioritized the spirit of the event? How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts below!
First off how do you just find out you are pregnant at 35 weeks? That sounds strange. She was definitely looking for free food. I would give her the food along with a bill.
Here’s how I would handle the “situation”.
#1 – the shower is 3 days away from the dis-invitation and I have had time to calm down – I would do nothing to or for the shower and I would salvage as much of the food as I could for freezing for later consumption.
#2 – the shower is tomorrow when she dis-invites me – I would deliver the food by packing it with rocks and throwing it through the windows of her home and dumping it in the dirt in her yard. I would be sure not to leave any PROOF that it was me. LOL Sometimes my temper gains control and overrules my good sense.
She wanted free catering! No way in hell, would I bring the food.
NTA your so called friend is. If she was worried about food she wouldn’t have uninvited you. Charge her for your time and don’t provide the food. She’s no friend of yours.
I’d block the group and eat the food myself
I agree, she is not the AH! If anybody should have been dropped, it shouldn’t have been her. It sounds like she was just using her for her money and food and doesn’t really consider her a “friend”! Her lost and your gain to know instead of assuming you all are friends.
Id send out invites to people in her friends list to come dor a delicious meal at the same time as her baby shower and put up photos of the people from her event that came to yours up for her to see
If she pays for it plus profit then she can ask for it to be delivered. If not, she just tried to scam you.
Definitely NTA, you don’t need people in your life that use and abuse, you advisory did the right thing and good on you for standing your ground!!!
It’s not even a question. The letter writer is one hundred percent justified in not dropping off the food. I admire her taking a hard stance.
WTAF! that is just a totally f**ked up move! I Just found out at 35wks?? Yeah, right! Dumpster Fire Friend you do not need in your life. Throw a ‘UnBirthday party for all of your neighbors and enjoy yourselves.
So NTA! You weren’t catering for her event, you offered as her friend and invitee to the party to help by making some food, you’re obviously just a really nice and organised person by planning for 5x as many people as she said were coming 😅. Completely unreasonable of her to expect you to still provide the food when you’re no longer invited! If she wants you to cater without attending then charge her the cost of catering! So for the ingredients, travel costs, gas/electric used to do the cooking and especially your time/ inconvenience, and the cost of a babysitter for your little one for the 2 days.
I absolutely would NOT have dropped the food off UNLESS she reimbursed me for my expenses, in addition to my travel time. Period. And I would need to be paid before I dropped it off.
Hmm she conned her into cooking her meal for her and her real friends. Please don’t go all the way for people who just inform you of things few days before the event. They just trying to use you period….
She was fully within her rights to not deliver the food. The b***h definitely used her for her own gain. Good for her for standing up and telling her no. MTB seems very entitled and the real AH