AITAH for not changing an after work potluck for one coworkers availability?

A Reddit user shares their experience with a weekly Saturday potluck tradition at their warehouse job. Recently, a coworker, who joined the group without invitation, has created tension with her stingy behavior, limiting portions and taking leftovers. When the group planned a dessert exchange on their usual Saturday, the coworker asked to reschedule to accommodate her vacation.

The user firmly declined, explaining that changing the date would exclude other workers. Now, they wonder if they were wrong for sticking to the original plan, especially since they don’t feel bad about excluding her. Read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for not changing an after work potluck for one coworkers availability?’

I work in a warehouse, a group of us usually stay after and bring food or treats once a week to share with each other. We usually do this Saturdays , we stay behind in the lunchroom and sit down eat and catch up for maybe 30 minutes then go on our ways.

Well there was this one coworker who happened to start getting included one day , nobody really knows how but one person thinks she followed another friend to the potluck we had. We don’t mind at first until we noticed she’s kind of stingy. She brings stuff but you’re only allowed just one piece and if you try to get seconds she snaps at you.

She doesn’t share with anyone else that we offer food to either, she tells them “that’s just for us that brought something”she does this with the food the rest of us bring also. She’ll tell someone “what are you doing? You already had a piece” it’s so rude. She also tends to take home the leftovers of food that the rest of us brought. We like to share with anyone that passes by and she doesn’t really like that.

Well we plan on bringing desserts to exchange this Saturday myself and another woman planned it and we discussed not including her because of the vibes we get. She cornered one of the woman and asked about it. Our friend said it was going to be Saturday dessert exchange. She asked if we could change the date because she’s going on vacation and asked for us to do it sooner.

We only work on Saturdays together all of us so there’s no way to change it without someone being left out. I told my friend to tell her “absolutely not, we planned it on our usual day and if we change the day for her then another worker or two wouldn’t be able to participate.

I was firm in my decision when she asked her to persuade me to change it. unfortunately I don’t feel bad about excluding her but I do feel bad that I don’t feel bad about it. AITAH for not changing it to a day that suits her?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

IntractableWill −  NTA – she sounds like the type of person who only looks out for herself. She is being unreasonable.

LakeGlen4287 −  Holding gatherings at work is tough, because it is not a private party, you are gathering at the boss’ place, and generally speaking, you can’t exclude other coworkers. So first, no, of course you don’t have to reschedule your Saturday dessert gathering! That’s the normal day and she is unreasonable to expect anyone to change it for her. Don’t feel like you ought to accommodate an unreasonable request.

Second, since you can’t continuously exclude her completely, unless you move your gatherings to a private location, then someone or all of you need to have a talk with her to explain the rules. She can either take them or leave them. Be firm.

If there is a general number of servings that each person should bring, communicate that to her. “Bring enough for 12 servings.” If you generously share with others who happen by, explain that to her, too. “We do not turn people away.” If you don’t limit people to one serving each, explain that. “Stop telling people they can only get one piece.”. Good luck!

De-railled −  Honestly with left overs at potlucks. We just take everything and divide it into equal portions (how many ever people contributed). Nobody gets more or less, it doesn’t matter if you have kids at home or you a bigger person etc. If you bring a dish to a potluck it gets distributed, so don’t bring extra that you aren’t willing to share.

OkPsychology2376 −  WOW…policing a pot-luck? She sounds fun. NOT. Since she joined, it sounds like she’s decided to not only be the rule maker, but the enforcer too. I really hate people who self- appoint themselves to positiins that didnt exist before they became part of the group.

Problem with that is, she’s decided she can tell everyone what they can and can’t do, at a weekly get together thats supposed to be relaxing. Not to mention she just takes left overs that aren’t hers to take. Don’t make changes to suit her schedule, thats just the beginning to her deciding she controls everything.

No_Cockroach4248 −  NTA, you cannot reschedule for one person. This is for a group and set on a day most convenient for the group, not one person. You should tell her your potluck rules, like you bring enough food, anyone we invite will be offered food on the table, everyone is allowed seconds and you take home your leftovers otherwise ask permission. If she does not follow them, she is not invited. She sounds like an absolute pain to have at a potluck.

swoopingturtle −  NTA. And call her out on her other behaviors if they continue to.

babygotbandwidth −  NTA- do not change the time and tell her you guys are no longer doing get together anymore…maybe that will stop her!

4getmenotsnot −  You feel bad you don’t feel bad about it? Wild. Tell her…see you next time. Then start bringing some take home Tupperware and fill them after everyone had their meal. Then everyone can have a little. If she has a stink kindly rem8nd her it’s a potluck. Everyone shares and contributes. Definitely don’t change the day for her!! She isn’t even in your group, she’s a tagalong.

Con4America −  NTA. Stop letting her take leftovers home! She is using everyone there.

quarkfan4552 −  Have a conversation – bring what you are willing to share and no policing portions/servings. No leftovers unless you are letting others take your offering home as well.