AITAH for not allowing my sister use my vacation home?
A Reddit user shares a complicated family dynamic involving his younger sister, who he describes as entitled and messy. After working hard to achieve financial stability and buy a vacation home in California, the Redditor was caught off guard when his estranged sister reached out asking to stay in the property.
Given their rocky relationship and her past behavior, he refused, leading to a heated confrontation and public fallout. Read the full story below to see how this family dispute escalated.
‘AITAH for not allowing my sister use my vacation home? ‘
I (52 M) grew up relatively lower class in New England with three siblings. Our parents were separated and were only worried about keeping food in the house and bills payed. We had never even left NE until college, vacations of any type were off of the table.
I have always had a decent relationship with all my siblings besides my younger sister (40 F). Even though I am 12yrs older than her and shouldn’t let her get under my skin the way she does, she always finds a way. My sister is incredibly e**itled in a way I can’t put into words. She wanted everything to go her way no matter what.
She bossed everyone around like a foreman and never took care of her own responsibilities. The worst part was, she is incredibly messy. Leaves all her things everywhere, messy eater, etc. Her clothes would be anywhere you least expected in our childhood home. Due to my parent’s push-over nature, she was never corrected.
We all thought she would grow out of this behavior naturally. Long story short, she did not. Without getting into much detail, after busting my ass and a long road of stress I ended up getting a scholarship to an exceptional university and ended up making a decent life for myself through law.
After school I moved away from NE to a nice, quiet midwestern state, effectively ending most communication with my family. This is where I met my now wife (49 F). She worked as a dentist in the beginning of our relationship, but we quickly got married and she became a SAHW a few months before she started carrying our 1st child.
I love my wife. She loved California. I wanted to make her and our children happy whilst simultaneously living out my own childhood dreams of finally being able to travel freely. After our 3rd child, with us being in a good place financially, I got us a beach house on the coast of CA.
Fast forward to present time, I have 4 great children, and a happy home. Last week, my sister contacted me via Facebook asking to stay in my vacation home. Mind you, I have not spoken to her since a funeral 2 years ago. She would not have even known about my beach house the whole 10 yrs i’ve had it if it weren’t for FB.
I told her it was an absurd request and it wasn’t going to happen. Not only do l believe it is rude to ask regarding our rocky relationship, but I have spoken to her husband and I know she never grew out of her messiness.
She then called me and my wife an array of names in a rant about how she had never experienced traveling like she had always wanted to and I, as her brother, should help her. I told her it’s not my responsibility to help her and I wouldn’t want to regardless due to her behavior. She responded with telling me I am a privileged pos.
I don’t understand why she would call me this as we started out on the same foot. We had the same parents and the same opportunities. I blocked her and I was informed by a family friend that she then made a post about how you can’t even trust your own blood or something like that.. AITAH?
Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:
disdainfulsideeye − Nta, considering her response, you definitely shouldn’t feel at all guilty.
chefschocker81 − NTA: I’d say she’s allowed to ask politely first and you still could say no. It’s your money and your property and personal decision to not allow that. Besides, a huge request like that could & should be done in person or via hand written letter first and not made public on the internet.
frogwurth − NTA. Obviously your sister doesn’t care about you or she would have simply just respected your answer and moved on. Her rant says all you need to know to confirm you did the right thing.
BunnySlayer64 − NTA. Remind your sister that you and she started in the same place. Then tell her that “Equality of Opportunity does not guarantee Equality of Outcome”. Then block her.
Aware_Welcome_8866 − NTA, but remember – “No” is a complete sentence. You may have added fuel to the drama fire by criticizing her behavior past and present. Since you don’t rent out the beach house to anyone, that would have been a great answer to her request. “No, I’m sorry.
We don’t ever rent out the beach house.” Oh I know she would have still created family drama, she would have just had less ammo. It sounds as if you really love your wife and kids. I’m happy you’re enjoying life.
Maximum_Flatworm_334 − NTA, your sister sounds like a nightmare. Enjoy your beach house, sounds like you’ve more than earned it!
Aggressive_Cattle320 − NTA As you said, you all came from the same humble beginnings. You looked ahead to your future, and worked hard to make it all happen. Your siblings were all free to pursue their own goals, as well.
She is probably jealous of what you’ve accomplished, and her sense of entitlement has her believing you somehow “owe” her. And, you do not. That is a place for your own family to escape to. You and your wife have worked for all you have. Your sister was out of line in even asking, as it’s incredibly rude to do so.
She has also been a person who doesn’t pick up after herself and why would you want to let her stay in your expensive oceanfront property knowing she won’t appreciate it or take good care of it, either?!
Let your sister know that you and your family use it regularly, and you make it a rule to not host anyone as it would open up an avalanche of similar requests. If she doesn’t like that, it’s her problem to deal with. You have nothing to feel guilty for.
We lived in a gorgeous property in Las Vegas for many years, and had plenty of people wanting to come and “visit”, intending to save themselves hotel costs. With very few exceptions, we would simply say we weren’t able to accommodate them. People who are bold enough to ask should be prepared to hear an honest answer.
Adventurous-travel1 − NTA – let her complain all she wants. Just keep living your best life
Whole-Plankton5570 − NTA. Blood makes you related, not necessarily family. Continue to enforce your boundaries.
greenbeans9000_ − NTA and hopefully she does not know where it is located.
Was the Redditor justified in refusing his sister’s request to use the vacation home, given their strained relationship and her past behavior? Or should family ties outweigh past grievances in situations like this? How would you handle a similar request from a relative? Share your opinions and experiences below!