Aitah for my reaction to what my stepmother did to my son?

A mother (let’s call her OP) is reflecting on an incident that occurred four years ago involving her stepmother, Jill. During a family vacation, OP shared that her 13-year-old son had become active in church and youth group.

Later that evening, Jill, who is outspoken and opinionated, began telling OP’s son that God isn’t real, the Bible is fiction, and making derogatory comments about the Catholic Church, its followers, and religion in general.

OP overheard this conversation and, feeling that Jill had attacked her son’s beliefs, decided to leave the vacation early with her son. When OP later informed her father about what happened, both he and Jill blamed OP for not respecting other people’s views.

OP feels that Jill’s actions were inappropriate and has since distanced herself from her stepmother and the relationship has caused tension with her father.

‘ Aitah for my reaction to what my stepmother did to my son?’

This actually happened years ago but every holiday it plagues me because I am told I’m the j**k for not wanting to be involved with my stepmother to this day over this. Let’s call her Jill. Jill Is one of those people who have an opinion about everyone and everything and like to boast about the fact that they are so verbal with their opinions about everyone and everything.

4 years ago my son was 13. We were on a vacation with my parents and my sisters family. My sister lives out of town so she was asking how my son is doing, what he’s into these days, etc since she does not see her nephew often.

My stepmom was sitting in the room with me and my sister at the time. I mentioned that my son has been very active with church and youth group and that the Catholic Church has been prominent in his life.

(I actually didn’t even attend church and am not a religious person, he started going with his lifelong best friend and his family, and I support that because it’s important to him). Anyway my step mother didn’t say anything at the time, but after my husband and went up to bed,

started one of her “discussions” with my sister and my son about how god isn’t real, the Bible is fiction, the Catholic church is a money s**m, everyone is a pedophile and a s** offender, etc. she’s saying this to my 13 year old whom I just stated really takes comfort in his faith.

I could hear it happening from upstairs so I came downstairs and told my son it’s time for bed and the next morning we packed up and left early. I let my father know later that day what happened because he was asleep at the time and didn’t hear any of it.

He and my stepmother believe I am the bad guy here for “not respecting other people’s views” and “trying to overprotect my child”. Truly I do respect other people’s opinions and I realize my son is going to face opposition in life, especially because he attends church which I know is frowned upon.

And we are all ok with that. What I’m not ok with is that she waited until I went to bed and personally attacked a child with the information I’d just given her about what’s important to him. I really Just don’t want to be around her and my son is uncomfortable around her so we don’t come around.

I still have a relationship with my father even though for a year he blamed me and told me I was a terrible person over being upset over this but I can’t seem to stomach her still and it’s definitely put a strain on my relationship with my dad. Am I wrong to think that was inappropriate of her to intentionally say to a child?!

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Gennevieve1 −  NTA. She knew very well that what she was doing was wrong. Because had she thought it was right she would have done it in front of you. Instead she waited for you to go to bed. That isn’t someone who’s genuinely concerned about the child’s wellbeing, that’s someone who has to have the last word no matter what.

lookingformiles −  NTA. Seems like a totally reasonable result of her actions.

Zealousideal_Till683 −  NTA. Your stepmother’s behaviour was awful. Frankly I agree with everything she said, but it’s not her place to interfere with the way you are raising your child.

FlyHarper −  NTA I’m of similar mind when it comes to spiritually for my daughter. I’m not religious but if my daughter was interested, I would support her. I was raised catholic and my mother shoved a lot of ideologies down my throat.

I always assumed there was this known unspoken rule, when it comes to patents and their kids, that you don’t do something to undermine a parent and how they feel about their style of parenting.  You handled that pretty well.

I don’t think I could have left without telling your stepmother what I think about her behavior. That it was inappropriate and unacceptable. Line drawn. Don’t cross it again. Then I would have my son next to me as I say, in our ouse he respect each other’s beliefs. We foster this in our house to teach tolerance and open minds. 

Fragrant-Customer913 −  Saying these things to a 13 year old is the equivalent of telling a 6 year old the tooth fairy doesn’t exist. People need to hold onto faith and don’t need it shattered. Did your son continue with the church?

nikki_redGND −  NTA. Your son loves to go to church. I am happy that he is going to church. Would she have preferred if he was doing drugs and skipping school? Damn! Some people just don’t know what to say. Young minds are impressionable. Do what you know is best for him.

SublimeAussie −  Funny, you’re being given a hard time for “not respecting other people’s views,” but where was your stepmother’s respect for your son’s views? A grown woman spewing h**red all over your son’s place of comfort is ok, but don’t you dare disrespect her views?

Tell them to grow up. NTA OP. She waited until you were gone to a**ush your son and attack his faith because she knew you would shut her down if you were there. That’s cowardly and cruel.

Whether your son stays with his faith or not, that’s between him and his God and has nothing to do with her. Good on you for giving him the space to explore his faith and beliefs even though they aren’t yours.

Fickle_Toe1724 −  NTA. But step mom sure is. I would not have anything to do with her. She deliberately waited until you were out of the room to berate your child. Your son will face enough h**red in his life. It should not come from family.

If anyone wants to spend time with you or your son at the holidays, they can come to you. Step mom should NEVER be permitted in your home. That should be a safe place for your son.  Anyone telling g you that you are wrong, can just stay away. 

Lanfeare −  NTA. And I say it while I generally really agree with your stepmom reg Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic and now I hate the organisation and their h**ophobic, xenophobic and hypocritical teachings with all my heart.

BUT I would never shove it down any Catholic person’s throat, especially not a child. My step mother and her side of the family is deeply religious, Catholic, and we are getting along very well, respecting each other’s points of views.

As long as people do not try to convince me to their believes or try to change the laws according to their believes etc, it’s really not my business and when it comes to children it’s even more of a sensitive and personal thing.

Because of my own experience with Catholic upbringing, I find religious/spiritual/philosophical aspect of children’s education extremely crucial and important.

I treat it extremely seriously and I would not tolerate anyone trying to indoctrinate my child into any religion as I want to manage this process as I wish (more like studies about different religions and philosophies).

The same way, I would never share my views with someone else’s child. Not my place, the thing is too serious and children are so impressionable.

Amaranthim −  When did it become reasonable to type this and believe it as a truth? “𝒎𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆, 𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒄𝒉 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏.” Attending church is frowned upon.

Gee – I’m not a huge religious person and I haven’t seen the inside of a church in over 30 years. But I will be damned if I ever accept someone being shamed for their faith. Your father’s wife is an a**hole. It doesn’t matter what SHE believes. She has zero position of authority to attack anyone’s faith, let alone a child.