Aitah for making my mil miss out on knowing i was in labor?
A Reddit user shared a difficult situation with her mother-in-law, who became furious after being excluded from knowing about the user’s labor and the arrival of her second child.
The user explained that the labor was an emergency situation, and her focus was on ensuring her and her baby’s safety. Despite this, her MIL labeled her selfish and unforgivingly resented her decision. Read the full story below to weigh in on whether the user handled this appropriately.
‘ Aitah for making my mil miss out on knowing i was in labor?’
We didn’t tell anyone the date of my sceduled c section besides my husband and my mom(who is the only one that we trust with our toddler plus my mil “had my kids, i don’t babysit”) due to significant risks and past complications we didn’t want anyone at the hospital and told them all this.
This was about us and the baby being safe and healthy no distractions. But I went into labor early and it was a mad dash to the hospital to stop natural labor and get baby out safely. With my first child i very nearly didn’t survive so the drs were on high alert to get baby out fast.
The family knew about that first labor asit happened because my husband texted the group begging then to pray for us that the baby and i survived while i went septic And hemorrhaged trying to get him out.
After having this second baby i lost my vision for several hours(i was terrified but it turned out to be a side effect of a medication they gave me), then i couldn’t sit up and hold my baby because i couldn’t stop vomiting.
It was very stressful and i was sad i couldn’t hold her but i told my husband to go ahead and video chat family to let them know the baby was here. We thought it would be really fun to surprise them on the video call with the baby.
He called and they answered with pissed faces asking how long the baby has been here and angry that we didn’t call them so they could know i was having the baby…
he explained that it was very tense and everything happened really fast and his focus was on us but they rolled their eyes and not one congratulations or nice thing about our double rainbow baby.
My mil feels what we did was unforgivable and resents me and the baby because i robbed her of being a part of knowing she was on the way. She feels i was selfish and made her miss being a part of it.
I was really scared of dying and taking this baby with me and my only thought was getting her out safe. I told her that and she said I’m just a selfish b. I dunno, i was thinking of me but like surviving for my kids not like to hurt her but she won’t hear of it.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Fit_Farmer5967 − Your MIL is a d**k. You’re not the a**hole at all. Yall were making sure that your safety was top priority which to me makes sense. The family seems rude with how they reacted to the news of new baby. I’m sorry. 😞 that’s awful. Congratulations though. Glad you’re okay.
hibbletyjibblety − I am so sorry that a time of such stress and fear was compounded by the words and actions of your family. Your MIL’s attitude is not normal or healthy.
I hope you are soaking in the sweet aromas of that fresh new baby! New baby smell is the BEST! hahah Best of wishes to you and your husband and your beautiful family. I am glad you came through safely 💜. NTA
Plenty-Maybe-9817 − If my MIL called me a selfish B (especially postpartum!) my husband wouldn’t speak to his mother again for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t go to her funeral.
Your man needs to handle his mother. You just went through a traumatic birth. This ridiculous s**t is objectively unacceptable and a good few months of NC is a good way to spend your post partum recovery.
Stunning_Cupcake_260 − Her comment deserves a 6 month time out immediately.
EducationalRoyal3880 − NTA. I guess they’re now banned from seeing your kids and ever talking to you again? That’s the position from now on?
Lower-Leather9681 − Wow how dare you have a traumatic experience and forget to call your oh so loving MIL! How could you be so careless?! How dare you not tell her that you had another child she’ll refuse to babysit?
Nta, if you weren’t there for the creation of the spawn you don’t need to be called when said spawn makes his/her way out🤷🏼♀️ your in laws sound exhausting tbh. Congrats on your 🌈🌈❤️❤️❤️❤️
ConfusedAt63 − If it were me I would tell her that her missing out were the very least of your concerns and that my bodily functions are not any of her business and furthermore from now on she will definitely be the last person to ever to receive any news.
There is no excuse for her behavior and deserves to be last to know as well as on an info diet.
mocha_lattes_ − You and your husband need to send the following message or one similar edited to what you are comfortable with.
“We realize you are upset about missing out on hearing about the labor and delivery.
However you are showing a severe lack of compassion given the situation was dire and (OP) was in danger of dying and so was (baby’s name). We weren’t focused on informing people. We were focusing on getting immediate medical attention.
If you can’t be understanding of that and get over your selfish desires about needing to be informed about (OP’s) medical procedure then we will be going low/no contact. We expect an apology to move forward. If you refuse then you will no longer be allowed in (children’s names) lives or ours.”
Nervous-Manager6013 − NTA. Your MIL is selfish. And mean.
zolumad − NTA inform my opinion she doesn’t deserve to meet her new grandchild until she’s pulled her head out of her ass and apologizes. Your high risk labor and delivery is not about her. The only thing she’s apparently done right is raise her son to know how to be a good husband.
Was the user justified in prioritizing her health and privacy during such a critical moment, or should she have included her MIL despite the chaos? How would you handle this kind of family expectation in a high-stakes situation? Share your perspective below!