AITAH for lying about why I’m a single dad to someone?

A Redditor, who is a single dad of two young children, shares how he lied about the whereabouts of their mom to a stranger to avoid judgment. Tired of the constant criticism he faces as a young parent, he told the person that their mom had passed away, even though she’s alive but absent from their lives. Now, he’s wondering if his frustration got the better of him. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for lying about why I’m a single dad to someone?’

I (25m) am a single dad to my 5 year old son and daughter. Their mom is alive, but left me and I have full custody. Yesterday I had to buy groceries so I had my kids next to me. An older guy was behind me in line and started asking me about them and I should have just said that I was watching them or something but I told him that they’re my kids.

I don’t look old at all, so of course he started judging me like people love doing. He ended up asking where their mom was and i almost just said at home or something, but I’m tired of being judged, so I made up a lie and said that their mom died (she might as well be dead to me).

He looked horrified and mumbled something and walked away. Thankfully my kids didn’t know what was happening so I finished and left. This morning I was on the phone with my sister and I told her about it and she got mad at me and told me that I went too far and I got a reaction out of him for no reason. I can understand that, but I’m really tired of being judged for being a young parent. But maybe my judgment is clouded. Am I the a**hole?

Heres the input from the Reddit crowd:

lorinabaninabanana −  NTA.. “Where’s the mom?”. “Alien abduction.”. “Traveled through time.”. “Bermuda triangle.”. “Quicksand.” Nosy strangers don’t deserve your life story.

aspermyprevious −  NTA. I was in Home Depot years ago, looking for paint brushes. I happened to be wearing a shirt that read “Naval Academy,” where my sister went. Out of nowhere, some dude walks up and starts trying to aggressively quiz me about what class I graduated in, who did I know, or was I just a tag chaser?” 😵

I looked him in the eye and said “my husband died in Afghanistan, but thanks for bringing it up!” He turned bright pink and scurried away. Others in the aisle were glaring at him. I was in my early twenties and had never been married and my sister is alive and well, but f**k that dude.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. My 43/f husband 45/m and I have three kids. We had one, then twelve years later, our second and third were born two years apart. When the two littles were actually little (they are 8 & 10 now) and I would take the three kids out, people would switch between asking if the littles were my oldest’s kids, lol- she looks young for her age so that was always a weird one for me- plus I was in my 30s- hopefully didn’t look like a grandma yet! Or they would ask-

“Wow- what a gap. Do they all have the same dad?” I kid you not, I was asked this question on a very regular basis. I still am! So, I started giving crazy off the wall answers when asked. Stranger- “Do they all have the same dad?” Me- “I’m not sure- we keep getting paternity tests done, but NONE of the men have been the father yet…”

Stranger- “12 year gap! Wow! Did you forget after all that time how this worked?” Me- “Well, actually, funny you should ask. My husband and I were in an accident when the oldest was just an infant. We both got amnesia and forgot each other for 11.5 years! But, as soon as we remembered- we started effing like bunnies again. BOOM- babies! I guess it IS just like riding a bike!” Then wiggle my eyebrows at them all weird.. And so on.

GreenTravelBadger −  NTA. \*giggle\* this happened to my mister, while the kids were boiling around his legs in a store. Some old granny asked him where is their mother, and he said “She’s dead” and would you believe, all of the kids stopped their cavorting around and stood there looking SAD, the little shits.. I was literally 20 feet away. Seems like you taught Old Dude a valuable lesson in minding his own damn business and your sister is so so so wrong that she is a joke.

LikeSnowOnTheBeach −  NTA. Someone once told my husband he was “such a good daddy” for holding 1 of our 3 kids. He looked at them and said, “this does not make me a good dad, but I now know how crappy your dad or husband is and I’m sorry to hear it”. I was standing next to him with a smile. Lol People need to mind their own business.

Edited to add: Please re read the last line: “People need to mind their own business”. A whole lotta people coming in to defend this woman without doing their due diligence and reading my comments* explaining the situation. If you’re going to voice an opinion, do it with facts or ask for some. Or perhaps, mind your business. 😉

CrabbiestAsp −  NTA. Why do strangers feel like they have to know the ins and outs of strangers’ lives?

c1usterphuk −  NTA. People are judgemental aholes. Hell you should have some good stories lined up for future aholes. With a sarcastic twist at the end so they know they were prying and aholes.

CommissarCiaphisCain −  Definitely NTA. Not their business. Hopefully one day you’ll get a positive response like I once did. Around 2005 I was at a store with my son (2-ish age) giving my wife a chance to nap. An older man struck up a conversation with me, and said “I wish it was normal for a man to spend time alone with their small child when I was a young parent.” He looked so sad about that but you could see he was glad that times had changed (somewhat).

Maleficent_Theory818 −  NTA. You ask stupid questions, you get stupid answers. He was asking questions that he had no business asking. Ignore jerks like that guy and keep being a good dad.

ExtinctFauna −  “Where’s their mother?”
“Why are you asking? Are you the Mom Police?”
“No, I’m just wondering why *you* have them.”
“Why are you wondering that? I’m their dad, they’re my kids. Are they not allowed to be with their dad?”

Do you think the father overreacted by lying about his situation, or was his frustration understandable given the judgment he faces as a young parent? How would you have handled the situation differently? Share your thoughts below!