AITAH For Losing My Best Friend over a Birthday Girl’s Trip & My Open Marriage?

A woman (48F) lost her 25-year friendship after planning an all-expenses-paid birthday trip to Amsterdam for her best friend (50F) and another friend. Over the years, she had supported her friend financially without expecting anything in return.

However, tensions arose during the trip when the friend invited a man along, complained about everything, and criticized the woman’s open marriage. Months later, the friend expressed feeling hurt and claimed she felt “unwanted” during the trip. Now, the woman is questioning if ending this long-term friendship was the right move. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH For Losing My Best Friend over a Birthday Girl’s Trip & My Open Marriage?’

Me (f48) met my ex-bestie (f50) 25 years ago when my husband was playing in a band with a guy she was dating, who we’ll call “Chris”. She has had a rough childhood. She came from a family with 5 kids from 4 dads, and her mother was a m**h and h***in user. There was often not enough food in the house for the kids including her severely autistic brother.

Still, she persevered, and got a scholarship to a top-tier school. I was always conscious of this and knew she helped out her brother and family some, so over our friendship and because my husband I do well financially, it became a regular thing that we would always pay for meals and drinks for her and if joint trips, most of the vacation, if not all of it. We never held it over her or expected anything from it.

I did notice some weird behavior. At my 40th birthday, I booked her into a two room suite with a gay friend and she made me rebook her into her own room because she didn’t want to share a bathroom with him.

When we flew her out to Hawaii to a 30k a week mansion for my husband’s 40th, she complained about the airline and had me change it, then got into a fight with my friends because they wouldn’t drive her to get cigarettes because they were hurrying for the big surprise for my husband- a big luau, which she spent the rest of pouting and pulling my attention away from.

Behind all of this is me and my husband’s open marriage. We have been married for 28 years but encountered some problems in the bedroom. This has been working for us for over 10 years. We don’t have fights about it. I decided to tell my best friend last year that I had been dating a nuclear physicist for 5 years. I even introduced them.

She was derogatory towards him and said she didn’t like his shirt. I told her she didn’t have to be involved in that part of my life. Fast forward to last April. I have planned for a year to take her and another friend to Amsterdam for my birthday. She says she’ll pay me back but I tell her it doesn’t matter.

I get a great 4 star hotel in the historic center. 3 days before we fly out she informs me that she has met a French guy at a tiki convention and he will be joining us for 3 days of our trip. I am stuck. This is my bday, and I thought it was a girl’s trip, but I don’t want her being a sourpuss the whole time so I go along with it.

Long story short: she complains about everything, pays for nothing, gets wasted and burns a day of our trip in bed the next day. I take care of her. She flirts with the French guy then acts shocked when he makes a move on her and fake cries. She wants to go home early on a Friday night because the Frenchman is tired.

I refuse and go out dancing with a guy I meet in a bar. She wants to stay in again. I ask her twice if she wants to go out and she says no. So I go out with the same guy I met at the bar. In the end all three of us friends say we had a great trip. I thought we did!!!

Four months later she stops talking to me. I get our mutual friend to break the ice. She will only text me because she says she has a plumber in the apartment. She said she is very upset because I spoke to her like she was a child when our seats on the plane got downgraded because of an aircraft change and I said “Stop complaining”.

She said I made her feel unwanted when I went out with the guy when it was supposed to be a girl’s trip. She says she thinks I should be faithful to my husband. She said she didn’t get any say in picking out the hotel room and that I use my money like a cudgel that way.

I said that we should go on friend hiatus. She immediately then blocked our other friend of 25 years who had not been involved at all for “not backing her up”. I feel very used and think she is acting very entitled. Am I wrong to end this 25 year friendship?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

MuseVivian −  NTA. sounds like she’s been taking advantage of your generosity for years and making every trip about her drama. frienships should be about support and care but all she did is complain and make everything about her, she didn’t even think twice of bringing a guy on your birthday when in fact it is a girl’s trip, lastly, how could she complain so much in a lot of things when she didn’t even paid for it loool. shee’s not being a friend with you, she’s using you, so keep distance with her and move on

Comfortable-Focus123 −  NTA – This person is not your friend, and maybe has never been.

Educational-Can-8635 −  I’m gonna be so honest, the way I see it. She wants you.

1. You’ve been taking care of her for SO long. VERY financially stable and paying for everything, like a sugar ,mama

2. You introduce her to your bf and she’s immediately being so rude and talking s**t abt him. As if trying to get yih away from him

3. Stealing your attention from your own husbands party

4. She brings the Frenchman to a girl trip, as if trying to make you jealous, flirts with said man hoping you would react but instead he does and she realizes her plan failed so now she’s “crying”

5. Bringing up your open marriage which is NONE of her business. But in my opinion she’s saying you need to be faithful not because she really thinks that but because she’s mad you’re getting with other people and NOT her

Whether my theories are true or not she is NOT someone you should be friends with at all. You are a very giving person which is amazing but she is taking advantage of it. I say stop worrying about her.

Worry about yourself, the other girl friend, your hubby and your bf. Which also side note how do you meet a nuclear physicist lol. I’m also really interested in what you and your husband do for work. Anyways I hope things get better for you !

biscuitboi967 −  This is like AITAH Bingo. OP hit every stereotypical topic!

-Rich friend/poor friend class dynamics

-Plucky poor kid making good with hard work and determination. -Choosing beggars. -Ungrateful mooches. -Alternative s**ual relationships. -Unexpected bigotry. -Ruining a girls trip

-Choosing a man over a long time friend

-One person is seemingly reasonable and one is seemingly crazy and yet all the friends choose the bonkers one, which sometimes means more will be revealed in the comments…

britd53 −  NTA it sounds like she was just using you to get free things

Horrorbabyshow −  this feels and sounds so fake 😭

Crafty_Special_7052 −  NTA but honestly I don’t think she was ever truly your friend, it sounds like she was only friends with you because you paid everything for her and she’d take advantage of that. You don’t want her as a friend. I bet if you stopped paying for her she’d drop you as a friend anyways.

FierceFemme77 −  This is so badly written. OP didn’t even try to make it remotely believable.

SurroundMiserable262 −  NTA. Her entitlement here is strong. Honestly friends come for a reason, a season or a lifetime. This one has run it’s course. I know it is sad but she has a lot of characteristics that leave a bad aftertaste and feel you were the one carrying the relationship. 

DawnShakhar −  This friend has become a frenemy. She is entitled, self-victimising and complaining and is definitely bad company. Moreover, she brought a guy along to a girls’ trip and then complained that you went out with a guy – that’s definitely selfish double-standard.

You may have been good friends in the past and she has changed. Or you always tolerated her selfishness towards you because of her circumstances and her responsibility towards her family. But the person she is now is not a friend – she is a user. You did right to stop the friendship. I think you should make the break permanent.

Long-term friendships can be challenging when personal values and lifestyles clash. Was the original poster right to set boundaries and end the friendship, or should she have tried harder to reconcile? Have you ever had to walk away from a long friendship? Share your thoughts below!